Random questions!

You wake up in the morning and can't remember what happened the night before. Do you:

Please select all that apply.

• Smell my fingers.
• Try to figure out what that stain on my sheets is.
• Figure I probably drank too much, and look around for the empties as I call a friend to recap.
• Pop the Brianna Banks porno out of the DVD player and GRIN.

Your staying at your friends house and their older sibling left his/her dirty underwear laying out. Do you:

Please select all that apply.

• Nonchalantly stick the underwear in my pocket and save em for later.
• Take them into the bathroom and sniff their crotch fumes.
• Wrinkle my nose and throw them in the hamper. How disgusting!
• Check for racing stripes.
• Tape them to the fridge.

You notice that your neighbor's blinds are open and he/she is undressing. Do you:

Please select all that apply.

• Compare their goods to mine for a minute before turning away.
• Close the blinds in my room to make sure THEY can't see ME.
• Grab some tissues and break out the high-powered telescope to get a better view. Jackpot!

Which type of pornographic film are you most intrigued by?

Please select all that apply.

• Pornography is degrading to women.
• Best of Brianna Banks & Tera Patrick, no contest.
• I don't watch porn, I watch EROTICA.
• Hardcore fetish stuff is interesting and kinda turns me on, but I wouldn't do it in real life.

Which of these foods do you find erotic:

Please select all that apply.

• Pork Rinds. Das Right!
• Whipped cream and syrup, on my lover's sexy parts.
• Bananas, cucumbers, sausage, hot dogs...
• Sushi with some soy SAUCE baby! MMMMMM.
• Juicy peaches and nectarines.
• I don't really find food erotic. It's more about who's eating it, and how it tastes.

First thing that comes to mind when you hear the words "Pamela Anderson Lee:"

Please select all that apply.

• Fake titties.
• Tattooed eyebrows.
• Baywatch!
• Tommy Lee's huge schlong.

What do you consider is the common use for Vaseline?

Please select all that apply.

• Soothing remedy for minor cuts and scrapes.
• Chapped lips during the winter season.
• OTHER chapped lips during the winter season.
• Playing with myself, duh.
• I'm naturally wet, I don't need Vaseline.

Your partner's going through a rough time and isn't interested in love making. You:

Please select all that apply.

• Rub one out until my partner gets over it.
• Rub one out, but also give my partner lots of massages and TLC. (Who knows? I might get lucky!)
• Don't even notice.
• Think it's fine, as long as I'm' not responsible for jump-starting things again.

The wildest thing you've ever done was:

Please select all that apply.

• Making love more than six times in one weekend.
• Being spanked or spanking my lover.
• Indulging in some kind of butt play.
• Doing it outdoors in plain sight.

Your idea of fantastic love making is:

Please select all that apply.

• Anything new and kinky -- the dirtier, the better.
• Being able to lie back when I'm really in the mood, while my lover gives me loads of foreplay followed by leisurely intercourse.
• A long massage, love making and then snuggling up in each other's arms.
• All of the above; it depends on my mood.

In a new relationship, your love life usually:

Please select all that apply.

• Changes, depending on what else is happening in my life. (Sometimes I'm just too busy or stressed)
• Sizzles. I put in tons of effort from the very start and expect my partner to do the same.
• Starts off lusty and then gets even better: Once we know each other well, I really let loose.
• Starts off okay and then settles into routine -- often boring.

Ladies: Your man wants to visit a strip club -- and buy you a lap dance. You:

Please select all that apply.

• Agree. In fact, I'm a little turned on by the thought!
• Am pissed and a little jealous. He just wants to see his fantasy enacted!
• Understand the appeal of a little girl-on-girl flirting, but say no thanks.
• Agree to it -- but only because I know it will turn him on.

You're 30 and have just been asked out by your friend's hot-but-way-younger neighbor. You:

Please select all that apply.

• Eff the crap outta that youngin', and share a few tricks along the way! Program the number into my booty call speed-dial.
• Enjoy a fabulous lighthearted affair without harboring illusions that it will lead anywhere.
• Say no, of course. It's practically illegal!
• Am flattered. I indulge in some pretty heavy flirting but don't go there except in fantasy.

You haven't gotten any for about a month. How do you feel?

Please select all that apply.

• Really cranky.
• Has it really been a month? I hadn't noticed.
• I'm chafing, but coping okay.
• Wow, I've never gone without it for a whole month. Make a mental note to call the Hot Neighbor.

Do you initiate love making?

Please select all that apply.

• Always! I can't go without it these days.
• It's pretty even. Sometimes my partner does, and sometimes I do.
• Never. There's no need. When my parnter wants to make love, he/she lets me know.
• Rarely. My partner always suggests it before I even think to.
• Every now and then. (If I left it up to my partner, we'd never have enough!)

How have your past lovers rated your skills?

Please select all that apply.

• Best oral on the East Coast.
• I've had varied reports: Some thought I was fantastic, while others probably wouldn't agree because the relationships ended badly.
• Excellent. I've talked openly with all my lovers, and they all said I was great in bed.
• Who cares? What's over is over.
• Poorly, but only because I haven't found the right person yet or was shy in bed.

You play with yourself:

Please select all that apply.

• Either when you're alone or when you want your partner to watch--anytime, anyplace!
• Never. It's a SIN.
• If I can't get the real thing.
• Before a date to last longer.
• Whenever I'm' alone and feel turned on.

Orgasms:

Please select all that apply.

• What's that? I've never had one, I don't think.
• Just "orgasms?" How about "multiple orgasms!"
• It takes a while, but I can get there eventually.
• Takes no time at all, unfortunately for my partner!
• Too self-conscious for those.

You overhear a couple's conversation about their recent lusty forays. You look over, see they are hot. You:

Please select all that apply.

• Start to get aroused picturing them doing the nasty.
• Turn around and join the conversation.
• Am grossed out and wish they'd stop being so inappropriate.
• Invite them over to my place for more cocktales!

You can't sleep, you know that in an hour the alarm clock is going to go off. You:

• Wake up my partner by fondling him/her.
• Take matters into my own hands by thinking of an ex, hot neighbor, celebrity, or coworker I'd bang.
• Get up and go watch porn.
• Get up and watch the news. Might as well get the day started early.
• Roll over and try to sleep.

A friend recently had a bad break up. He/She is cute and you want to make them feel better. You:

• Give em some good lovin. Friends don't let friends hurt.
• Introduce them to my slutty friend and ask him/her to help "get the ex out of them."
• Get it on with his/her ex and then tell the friend what a jerk their ex really is.
• Egg their car with rotten eggs.
• Key their car.
• Talk for hours on the phone until he/she feels better.

While getting it on, you notice a handprint (probably yours) on the wall. You:

• Get distracted wondering when that got there and with whom.
• Put my hand up and make another print, starting a collage.
• Smile and wonder what the room would look like if CSI came in with their black light.
• Make a mental note to have the cleaning lady wipe down the walls and windows, and bleach the linens.