How would you annoy Voldemort?

How would you distract Voldemort from searching for Horcruxes?

• Choreograph an artistic dance interpretation of his life and struggle for power and then force him to watch it.
• Conduct a séance and pretend to channel the spirit of his mother.
• Tell him he's been a "naughty boy."
• Pretend to be the Sorting Hat and apologize - apparently you were wrong, and he was meant to be in Hufflepuff.
• Call him Ickle-Voldykins...and then run. Fast.
• Ask him to guess which hand the last Horcrux is in....admonish him for cheating if he uses Legilimency.
• Tell him you know where Harry is hiding, and Apparate before providing further details.
• Dress up as Dumbledore and say you faked your own death.
• Start an argument about Harry Potter shipping.
• Tell him he's adopted and that he's really Hagrid's other half-brother.
• Tell him Harry is his son and ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with Book 7 now, since it's become "soooo Star Wars."
• Tell him one of his Death Eaters is actually a member of the Order using Polyjuice Potion - but refuse to tell him who it is. If he gets rid of some Death Eaters in the process of figuring this out, then all the better for Harry!
• Tell him that one of his enemies is plotting against him in the Forbidden Forest.
• Tell him all about your enemy/rival and how he's nothing compared to them. Perhaps he'll go after them rather than Harry.
• Tell him his plastic surgeon did a terrible job with the "red-eyed snake look," and that he should've had the self confidence to age gracefully.

Now how would you annoy Voldemort?

Please select all that apply.

• Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
• Laugh at him.
• Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
• Knit him things. Really hideous things.
• Dance the Funky Chicken.
• Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
• If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
• Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
• Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
• Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
• Be cheerful.
• When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
• Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'
• Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
• Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
• Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there...
• Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
• Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
• If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!
• Buy him a stress ball.
• Call him Tommy-boy.
• If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
• Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
• Say he 'looked better under the turban.'
• Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
• Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.
• Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
• Tell him you know this great therapist in London....
• Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
• Steal, snap and bury his wand. Tell him Lucius did it.
• Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
• Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
• Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
• Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
• Cuddle him at random moments.

And some of these...

Please select all that apply.

• Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
• Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
• Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
• Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
• Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'
• Mock his baldness
• Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
• Get him drunk.
• Be Harry Potter. Be alive.
• Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.
• As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
• Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you...at Christmas.
• "Accidentally" schedule him a him a haircut...even though he's bald.
• When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.
• Invite him to go streaking.
• Kill Harry.
• On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair...make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.
• Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.
• Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!!!"
• Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas
• Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead
• Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.