In the BDSM community, there are tops, bottoms and switch-hitters: submissives who prefer to be bossed around in bed, domintants who like to call the shots, and then, less commonly, those who like to mix it up, depending on their mood. But you don't have to be a professional gimp or dominatrix to gently lean one way or the other in your own, relatively vanilla sensual life. See whether you should be holding the paddle, wearing the eye mask, or sharing the bondage toys.