how do you hate someone you love?

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he's broken my heart....twice, teased me and tortured me several times, and sent me into a spiraling depression that's lasted almost 5 months....and I'm fighting to get out of it. Yet I still love him

Oh, and he's getting a gender change so he's going to become a girl....yet I still love him/her.

I've also separated myself from him entirely for over 3 months, and that did nothing.