101 Ways To Annoy, Harrass, Confuse, and Generally Scare Lord Voldemort(Pick Your Favorites)

Please select all that apply.

• Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
• Laugh at him.
• Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
• Knit him things. Really hideous things.
• Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
• Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
• Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
• Dance the Funky Chicken.
• Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
• Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
• If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
• Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
• Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
• Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
• Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
• Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
• Be cheerful.
• When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
• Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
• Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
• Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
• Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
• Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
• Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
• Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there....
• Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
• Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
• 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
• . Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
• Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly
• In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
• Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, o dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.
• Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
• Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
• Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
• Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'
• Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
• If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!
• Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
• Buy him a stress ball.
• Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
• Call him Tommy-boy.
• If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
• Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
• Say he 'looked better under the turban'
• Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
• Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
• Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
• Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
• 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
• Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry'
• Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
• Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.
• Tell him what Snape's really up to
• Politely exclaim now and again that you 'don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles'
• Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment'
• Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
• Ask him to dance a polka with you.
• Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
• . Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'
• Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
• Tell him you know this great therapist in London....
• Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
• Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
• Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
• Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
• Steal, snap and bury his wand.
• Tell him Lucius did it.
• Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.
• Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
• Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
• Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'
• Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'
• Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.
• When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
• Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'
• Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him
• Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
• Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy'
• Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.
• Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.
• Cuddle him at random moments.
• Sign him up for Little-League.
• Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
• Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
• Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie'
• Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
• Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
• Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
• Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
• Write sonnets for him.
• Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
• Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
• Tell people he's 'really just a big softie'
• Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak'.
• Mock his baldness.
• Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
• Get him drunk.
• Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'
• Let him catch you trying on Death-Eater robes.
• Tell him he should smile more because "it really lights up his face"
• Be Harry Potter. Be alive