The Paradoxical Survey

The sun's material is collapsing into itself. What do you do?

• Get inside the tesserect
• Counter it with anti-matter
• It is impossible for something like that to happen
• Run away

Deer is to Hunter as Bear is to _?

• Hunter
• Glove
• Stephen Colbert
• All of the above
• Berries

If 0 x 2 equals 0, and 0 x 1 equals 0, then 0 x 1 must equal 0 x 2, therefore 1 equals 2, right?

• The hell kinda question is that?
• By golly you're right
• That statement is not true
• I agree

Which do you choose: Eternal happiness, or a ham sandwich?

• Eternal happiness
• Ham sandwich
• Eternal ham sandwiches
• Hmm... I want to say "Eternal happiness". After all, nothing is better than eternal happiness. A ham sandwich, however, is certainly better than nothing. Therefore a ham sandwich is clearly the smarter choice

A Cretan comes up to you and says "All Cretans are liars"

• Punch him in the face
• He is lying, so all Cretans are not liars... Wait...
• Tell him he's a Scott
• What the f*** is a Cretan?

Lived is to Devil as 99999 is to _?

• 99999
• 66666
• Boot

Robots are advancing towards you. What do you do?

• Divide by zero
• Teach them to love
• Tell them that by destroying us, they become just as destructive as the humans
• Punch him in the face

You are lost in the dessert. What two possessions have you brought?

• Food and water
• A tent and a map
• One shoe and some water
• The... dessert?
• Sprinkles and jimmies

Multiple select question!!! Check your favourite shapes (DON'T CHECK ALL OF THEM DAMMNIT)

Please select all that apply.

• Cubes
• Prisms
• Triangles that connect at angles perhaps not possible to conceive at a three dimensional level
• Circles
• Berries

There is a barber who can ONLY shave anyone who doesn't shave themselves. The barber needs a shave. Does he shave himself?

• Yes
• No
• This barber can't exist
• The barber gets a town citizen to shave him, so we don't have to think about all this paradox sh*t

There are two mirrors that can be entered as doors, much like portals. When you step in one, you come out the other. You throw one of the mirrors into its counterpart...

• The space time continuum explodes
• They intersect and enter into eachother an infinite amount of times, eternally
• Durrr nothing happens, Einstein

Okay, so you take one of the previously mentioned mirrors, and place it on the ceiling above you. Then you place one on the floor below you, and jump in...

• Uhhhh you split your skull
• You infinitely fall and gain momentum, then you go so fast your flesh separates from your bones and you become a mushy mess. Then you are broken into pieces so tiny and fast, the atoms of which begin to exist in two places at once, one in the first mirror, and one in the second. Eventually, the speed will add up to such a great rate, all the pieces will clump together in a sphere of dark matter. Durrr
• I don't know!!!
• You reach the end of gravity

You travel back in time and kill your former self...

• You then anti-materialize in a hypercube of atoms that never existed
• You stay alive and go back the the future/present and everyone is like "Oh but you've been dead for 10 years!!!!" lol
• You then become your former self, making you your present self

Knights can only tell the truth, and Knaves can only tell lies. You meet a Knave who says "I am a Knave"

• He's a Knight
• He's a Knave
• He's just some jackass screwing around witch'ya
• He's neither?!

Every number after 5 is an uninteresting number

• I like 5
• 6 sucks balls though
• Yeah, but 6 being the first uninteresting number is a fact that makes it interesting. Therefore,... wait that wasn't a question
• The barber shaves himself!!

Is the sentence "This sentence is false and Santa Clause exists." true or false?

• Depends on if you truly believe
• I think it is
• The sentence is false

Is the answer to this question "No"?

• Yes
• No
• F*** it I'm not answering that

One grain of sand is not a heap. If you don't have a heap, then adding only one grain of sand won't give you a heap. Then no number of grains of sand will make a heap. Therefore, heaps do not exist

• If the number of grains exceed like 100, then it's a heap
• Oh contrary, my good friend. It seems that heaps DO exist, and any group of more than one grains is a heap
• Hmm... I guess heaps don't exist then

"There are elevators that only go up." Is this sentence true?

• Uhhh no. Durrr
• If they manufacture elevators at the bottom of the building and disassemble them at the top...
• Sure

Can you descend into the sky?

• Depends on which way the universe is facing
• Depends on which way your facing
• No. You can't

You want to get from point A to point B. There is a rule: Every step you take must be half the distance of the step you previously took. Will you achieve your goal?

• Yes, you will eventually get there
• You will get there, but it will take you an infinite number of times
• You will never get there
• Depends on how fare away point B is

It is not possible to transform a regular tetrahedron into a parallelepiped by cutting it into polyhedral pieces

• Okay
• I disagree
• What?

You turn a sphere inside out, divide it into 0 parts and write down Pi to the very last digit. A leprechaun hops out of a mirror and says "All Cretans are liars", then...

• Transforms a regular tetrahedron into a parallelepiped by cutting it into polyhedral pieces
• Breaks the internet
• Wins a game of chess against an omniscient opponent
• Causes for the infinite amount of parallel universes to fold in on eachother. Then another leprechaun hops out and says "All Cretans tell the truth"
• Deduces that the slope of a vertical line is 3

What happens when an unstoppable, all-powerful force meets an immovable object?

• The immovable object moves
• The unstoppable force stops
• They both stay exactly where they are, at the point of intersection, for an eternity
• Nothing!!

Why is the night sky black when there is an infinite number of stars?

• Cause all the stars suck
• cause teh star lite raise arnt very fast and dun fill teh universe fast enuf
• Cause there isn't an infinite number of stars
• Cause it turns out that stars EAT the light, and MAKE the universe black, contrary to what most people think. Heh heh
• Cause the black holes eat all the light

God heats up a burrito so hot that he himself cannot eat it...

• Yes he can!!
• Not possible
• Give it to Jesus

There is a room where the walls, the ceiling and floor are all mirrors. You are inside the room with a flashlight. What do you see?

• A thousand reflections of you seemingly standing on nothing, surrounded by nothing
• The light from the flashlight is not absorbed, and builds up until the room, bouncing off the walls until it becomes a super-bright mess of light rays going crazy. Then you go blind from the intensity
• Every inch of the wall is a reflection of you
• Since the walls are all perfectly perpendicular or adjacent of whatever, you see what looks like an infinite number of identical rooms and identical reflections of you all lined up and getting smaller in the distance
• Nothing!!

If something can happen, will it happen?

• Eventually
• Depends on what it is
• Not necessarily
• There will never be another person who looks identical to me, and has the same life as me, except decides to become a clown. So no