Personality Quiz: Which endearing '90s family film are you?

1

What are your hobbies?
- Girls, looking fly, going to dope concerts, sunglasses whenever possible
- Sadly watching the "plebeian" kids play baseball through a chain link fence
- Attending mass, toothbrush shopping
- Reading the Great American novels
- Acting too polite and mature for my age
- Sabotage. At the Natural History Museum, the offices of the local newspaper, an abandoned warehouse...anywhere the clues lead me
- Playing the harmonica by moonlight
- With startling pathos, I tune out the teacher and draw golden retrievers in my notebook
2

Describe your father figure.
- Tragically absent--I had a social worker named Dwight, but I turned to vagary and hooliganism to drown my sorrows
- I assumed the role of "man of the house" quite early on, after my dad forgot about me and left for France
- Dad has been kidnapped.
- A gender-confused housekeeper with a comforting, albeit unusual, hybrid English-Scottish accent
- My stepfather's best intentions were never good enough
- He substituted expensive gadgets for love
- While moving to Guam to evade the FBI, he gave me up for adoption
- Largely absent. I'm one of those riffraff city kids they send to live with an uncle in a small seaside town
3

A song that could represent who I am would be:
- a 1940s novelty song based off of Mark Twain anecdotes
- An inspirational Michael Jackson music video
- In a selection of popular Christmas songs
- A longing, heart-wrenching, classical theme --perhaps the work of Bruce Broughton
- A bustling, triumphant, classical theme --perhaps the work of Alan Silvestri
- I worship Smashing Pumpkins, but as the summer wears on, will I fall pray to the seductive feel-good tunes of Shaggy and the Beach Boys?
- Rusted Root's "Send Me On My Way"
- A rap about dinosaurs
4

Any special skills?
- With teeter-totters
- Good looks
- With a handsaw
- Bicycling with a shotgun, but you don't know this yet
- Fencing, and my impressive stock portfolio
- Supernatural powers
- Probably not.
- My complete lack of skills has served me impossibly well
5

Your most useful weapon:
- Kinship with a masterful make-up artist
- Faith that it will turn out all right in the end
- Everyday, household items...and an inventive, maniacal mind
- A personal inventor who supplies me with hi-tech gear for every situation that arises
- Street smarts
- Genius
- A trained dolphin
- My stupidity...and then it's a close second between the bow & arrow, the hand grenade, the flame thrower, the wig collection, or that stockpile of explosives.
6

The hardest thing that life has thrown at you:
- Getting the car started
- Getting left on a doorstep as a child
- The possibility of a boring, uncool summer
- Inept, malicious burglars bent on robbing my house; nearly drowning
- having to climb up my Mount Rushmore-inspired family portrait
- The natural elements
- Authority figures who don't appreciate my genius; a Jon Lovitz-hosted game show
- Divorce, cooking, getting plastered without forgetting my gender
7

How would you best describe the central struggle in your life?
- Tracking down the family pets
- Bringing down a bloodthirsty tyrant with an impressive Olympic legacy
- Saving the world from the fiendishness of a man bent on world domination, as far as I am concerned
- Protecting private property and coping with the unanticipated burn of aftershave
- My parent's marriage
- Navigating the foster care system and fighting insurance fraud
- Dealing with toxic waste and concert tickets
- Fitting in, even if it means buying friends to play with
8

You are:
- a prodigy
- easy to ignore, even easier to forget altogether
- a poor little rich boy
- alarmingly confused, but extremely lucky
- too cool for school
- a hooligan with a heart of gold
- loyal to the end
- always trying to accommodate adults and their problems
9

Any family pets?
- A tarantula
- A gold, remote control operated bug
- an orca whale
- a dolphin
- A cat and dog that look eerily like they are claymation, and a goldfish that requires morning walks
- An elderly golden retriever, a playful American bulldog, and a refined Himalayan cat
- A tank of fish in the corner, and an unauthorized petting zoo brought in for birthdays
- There are fish stix in the freezer...heat them up if you get hungry
10

Your preferred criminal activity(ies)?
- Breaking the hood ornament off of some d-bag's Mercedes, breaking custody agreements
- Sprucing up a park with graffiti, looting
- Parking in an unauthorized zone, reckless driving, breaking in and entering, theft of a man's daily planner
- Trespassing and hindering an FBI investigation by tampering with and/or concealing evidence
- A prison break
- Assault
- Underage smoking, operating a company without a business or property license
- Our pets are spayed, neutered, licensed & tagged. All we've ever indulged in is the occasional & potentially distracting sing-a-long in the car during road trips, and some harmless frustration when the police don't seem to care enough about doing their job.
11

Where do you live?
- San Francisco, CA
- I'm torn between Chicago and the...Florida Keyes
- the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina
- Portland, Oregon
- a small town in the U.S. that could really only exist decades ago in the UK
- American Suburbia, that may actually turn out to be...in Ontario
- Winnetka, Illinois in the suburbs
- Somewhere rocky and mountainous along the West coast
12

Empty your pockets. What are you most likely to find?
- Tube of red lipstick
- Can of spray paint
- "LOST" fliers
- shorty Havannas
- a wad of cash
- a handful of BBs
- My library card
- A biggie orange Sharpie
13

At mealtimes, you like:
- Holding up a bakery, then eating sheet cake by the handful with the rest of the street kids
- A nice Chinese place, with "secret messages" slipped into the fortune cookies
- Microwaving macaroni and cheese for dinner alone
- If there's bingo money, I wouldn't mind letting the pandemonium I began move to a fancy place like Cafe Le Ritz. Most mornings, though, I like to whip up a personal stack of pancakes.
- Getting out all the best china...and ordering take-out
- Crashing catered weddings, or enjoying a home-cooked turkey dinner
- I'd like to try eating like the simple folk for once. Tables the length of tennis courts can grow lonesome.
- Sipping some Pepsi on the docks
14

Pick your favorite quote.
- Hey! Need a new bed pan? I know I do!
- Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
- Oh Peter, I've missed you so!
- I hope you bring cocktail sauce. She's got the crabs, dear, and I don't mean Dungeness.
- I did not glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!
- I'm not into talking while I'm eating.
- Half man, half plant; he dwells in two worlds, but is the master of both! Oh MAN-BUSH, you are nature's greatest wonder!
- Never hurl in front of your woman. Something to live by.
15

Your signature '90s look?
- backwards baseball cap, jacket tied around my waist
- a grungy jean jacket
- an adorable jumper or shorty-alls
- high-waisted pants
- hair swept back with a huge barrette
- I do my own thing, it involves a full-skirted petticoat and a lot of pastels
- plaid, short-sleeved button-up shirt...always worn unbuttoned
- red sweater, tapered blue jeans
16

If you were a dessert, you would be:
- crème brûlée, but I want to be JELL-O
- apple pie
- stolen sheet cake
- an ice cream cone
- leftover pizza for breakfast?
- fresh watermelon in the summer, split open with an air pump
- a sickeningly large chocolate cake
- a popsicle
17

Who is your arch-nemesis?
- A friendly old chap who runs the Natural History Museum and loves balloons and children
- My absurdly ferocious principal
- The owner of an amusement park
- Two bumbling thieves
- It's a toss-up between the cougar, the porcupine, and a large dirt pit.
- My father's greedy, conniving co-worker
- An overly aggressive fisherman
- Pierce Brosnan, the new boyfriend
18

Who do you look to for guidance?
- An old man who is estranged from his family and lurks in my neighborhood at night with a bin of salt
- My trusty English butler
- My siblings
- A native American shaman
- I try to stay independent, but if I really need help, my cantankerous uncle
- My loving schoolteacher
- A wise old dog
- I hold a family meeting
19

Nothing good is on television. What do you end up watching anyway?
- a film noir heist film
- Animal Planet or the National Geographic channel
- I head to the in-house theater for something a little more to my taste
- VH1
- I blew out the screen of the TV set with my superpowers last night
- My dad in drag, hosting his new kid's show with a monkey puppet
- Lifetime
- My dad on a trashy talk show, charming the audience with a witty song
20

Describe how your first dates tend to go:
- I try to impress them with a tour of my estate, but I end up sad and lonely, knowing that I had to offer up a crisp Benjamin to get a date in the first place
- I probably haven't met anyone yet; I would rather play basketball with my dog in the backyard
- I brought along the kids to a fancy restaurant, but a spiteful ex showed up, snuck into the kitchen, and tampered with my date's meal. It ended in a catastrophic public spectacle
- I'd woo them with a haunting harmonica melody, then take them out to sea on the back of my whale
- I back it up with a lot of bravado, but it consists of premature, sloppy kisses after hastily splitting the bill at a hot dog stand by the docks
- With a cardboard cut-out I've hooked up to a train set so the whole thing will seem a little bit more life-like
- I always get kicked out of the restaurant within the first ten minutes, but I don't know why
- A charming picnic in the country, made more romantic, or maybe just very creepy, by my ability to levitate everything

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Which endearing '90s family film are you?

What are your hobbies?

Describe your father figure.

A song that could represent who I am would be:

Any special skills?

Your most useful weapon:

The hardest thing that life has thrown at you:

How would you best describe the central struggle in your life?

You are:

Any family pets?

Your preferred criminal activity(ies)?

Where do you live?

Empty your pockets. What are you most likely to find?

At mealtimes, you like:

Pick your favorite quote.

Your signature '90s look?

If you were a dessert, you would be:

Who is your arch-nemesis?

Who do you look to for guidance?

Nothing good is on television. What do you end up watching anyway?

Describe how your first dates tend to go:

Post This Quiz

Rating

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