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Which endearing '90s family film are you?
22
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avm03933
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1
What are your hobbies?
Girls, looking fly, going to dope concerts, sunglasses whenever possible
Sadly watching the "plebeian" kids play baseball through a chain link fence
Attending mass, toothbrush shopping
Reading the Great American novels
Acting too polite and mature for my age
Sabotage. At the Natural History Museum, the offices of the local newspaper, an abandoned warehouse...anywhere the clues lead me
Playing the harmonica by moonlight
With startling pathos, I tune out the teacher and draw golden retrievers in my notebook
2
Describe your father figure.
Tragically absent--I had a social worker named Dwight, but I turned to vagary and hooliganism to drown my sorrows
I assumed the role of "man of the house" quite early on, after my dad forgot about me and left for France
Dad has been kidnapped.
A gender-confused housekeeper with a comforting, albeit unusual, hybrid English-Scottish accent
My stepfather's best intentions were never good enough
He substituted expensive gadgets for love
While moving to Guam to evade the FBI, he gave me up for adoption
Largely absent. I'm one of those riffraff city kids they send to live with an uncle in a small seaside town
3
A song that could represent who I am would be:
a 1940s novelty song based off of Mark Twain anecdotes
An inspirational Michael Jackson music video
In a selection of popular Christmas songs
A longing, heart-wrenching, classical theme --perhaps the work of Bruce Broughton
A bustling, triumphant, classical theme --perhaps the work of Alan Silvestri
I worship Smashing Pumpkins, but as the summer wears on, will I fall pray to the seductive feel-good tunes of Shaggy and the Beach Boys?
Rusted Root's "Send Me On My Way"
A rap about dinosaurs
4
Any special skills?
With teeter-totters
Good looks
With a handsaw
Bicycling with a shotgun, but you don't know this yet
Fencing, and my impressive stock portfolio
Supernatural powers
Probably not.
My complete lack of skills has served me impossibly well
5
Your most useful weapon:
Kinship with a masterful make-up artist
Faith that it will turn out all right in the end
Everyday, household items...and an inventive, maniacal mind
A personal inventor who supplies me with hi-tech gear for every situation that arises
Street smarts
Genius
A trained dolphin
My stupidity...and then it's a close second between the bow & arrow, the hand grenade, the flame thrower, the wig collection, or that stockpile of explosives.
6
The hardest thing that life has thrown at you:
Getting the car started
Getting left on a doorstep as a child
The possibility of a boring, uncool summer
Inept, malicious burglars bent on robbing my house; nearly drowning
having to climb up my Mount Rushmore-inspired family portrait
The natural elements
Authority figures who don't appreciate my genius; a Jon Lovitz-hosted game show
Divorce, cooking, getting plastered without forgetting my gender
7
How would you best describe the central struggle in your life?
Tracking down the family pets
Bringing down a bloodthirsty tyrant with an impressive Olympic legacy
Saving the world from the fiendishness of a man bent on world domination, as far as I am concerned
Protecting private property and coping with the unanticipated burn of aftershave
My parent's marriage
Navigating the foster care system and fighting insurance fraud
Dealing with toxic waste and concert tickets
Fitting in, even if it means buying friends to play with
8
You are:
a prodigy
easy to ignore, even easier to forget altogether
a poor little rich boy
alarmingly confused, but extremely lucky
too cool for school
a hooligan with a heart of gold
loyal to the end
always trying to accommodate adults and their problems
9
Any family pets?
A tarantula
A gold, remote control operated bug
an orca whale
a dolphin
A cat and dog that look eerily like they are claymation, and a goldfish that requires morning walks
An elderly golden retriever, a playful American bulldog, and a refined Himalayan cat
A tank of fish in the corner, and an unauthorized petting zoo brought in for birthdays
There are fish stix in the freezer...heat them up if you get hungry
10
Your preferred criminal activity(ies)?
Breaking the hood ornament off of some d-bag's Mercedes, breaking custody agreements
Sprucing up a park with graffiti, looting
Parking in an unauthorized zone, reckless driving, breaking in and entering, theft of a man's daily planner
Trespassing and hindering an FBI investigation by tampering with and/or concealing evidence
A prison break
Assault
Underage smoking, operating a company without a business or property license
Our pets are spayed, neutered, licensed & tagged. All we've ever indulged in is the occasional & potentially distracting sing-a-long in the car during road trips, and some harmless frustration when the police don't seem to care enough about doing their job.
11
Where do you live?
San Francisco, CA
I'm torn between Chicago and the...Florida Keyes
the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina
Portland, Oregon
a small town in the U.S. that could really only exist decades ago in the UK
American Suburbia, that may actually turn out to be...in Ontario
Winnetka, Illinois in the suburbs
Somewhere rocky and mountainous along the West coast
12
Empty your pockets. What are you most likely to find?
Tube of red lipstick
Can of spray paint
"LOST" fliers
shorty Havannas
a wad of cash
a handful of BBs
My library card
A biggie orange Sharpie
13
At mealtimes, you like:
Holding up a bakery, then eating sheet cake by the handful with the rest of the street kids
A nice Chinese place, with "secret messages" slipped into the fortune cookies
Microwaving macaroni and cheese for dinner alone
If there's bingo money, I wouldn't mind letting the pandemonium I began move to a fancy place like Cafe Le Ritz. Most mornings, though, I like to whip up a personal stack of pancakes.
Getting out all the best china...and ordering take-out
Crashing catered weddings, or enjoying a home-cooked turkey dinner
I'd like to try eating like the simple folk for once. Tables the length of tennis courts can grow lonesome.
Sipping some Pepsi on the docks
14
Pick your favorite quote.
Hey! Need a new bed pan? I know I do!
Keep the change, ya filthy animal.
Oh Peter, I've missed you so!
I hope you bring cocktail sauce. She's got the crabs, dear, and I don't mean Dungeness.
I did not glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!
I'm not into talking while I'm eating.
Half man, half plant; he dwells in two worlds, but is the master of both! Oh MAN-BUSH, you are nature's greatest wonder!
Never hurl in front of your woman. Something to live by.
15
Your signature '90s look?
backwards baseball cap, jacket tied around my waist
a grungy jean jacket
an adorable jumper or shorty-alls
high-waisted pants
hair swept back with a huge barrette
I do my own thing, it involves a full-skirted petticoat and a lot of pastels
plaid, short-sleeved button-up shirt...always worn unbuttoned
red sweater, tapered blue jeans
16
If you were a dessert, you would be:
crème brûlée, but I want to be JELL-O
apple pie
stolen sheet cake
an ice cream cone
leftover pizza for breakfast?
fresh watermelon in the summer, split open with an air pump
a sickeningly large chocolate cake
a popsicle
17
Who is your arch-nemesis?
A friendly old chap who runs the Natural History Museum and loves balloons and children
My absurdly ferocious principal
The owner of an amusement park
Two bumbling thieves
It's a toss-up between the cougar, the porcupine, and a large dirt pit.
My father's greedy, conniving co-worker
An overly aggressive fisherman
Pierce Brosnan, the new boyfriend
18
Who do you look to for guidance?
An old man who is estranged from his family and lurks in my neighborhood at night with a bin of salt
My trusty English butler
My siblings
A native American shaman
I try to stay independent, but if I really need help, my cantankerous uncle
My loving schoolteacher
A wise old dog
I hold a family meeting
19
Nothing good is on television. What do you end up watching anyway?
a film noir heist film
Animal Planet or the National Geographic channel
I head to the in-house theater for something a little more to my taste
VH1
I blew out the screen of the TV set with my superpowers last night
My dad in drag, hosting his new kid's show with a monkey puppet
Lifetime
My dad on a trashy talk show, charming the audience with a witty song
20
Describe how your first dates tend to go:
I try to impress them with a tour of my estate, but I end up sad and lonely, knowing that I had to offer up a crisp Benjamin to get a date in the first place
I probably haven't met anyone yet; I would rather play basketball with my dog in the backyard
I brought along the kids to a fancy restaurant, but a spiteful ex showed up, snuck into the kitchen, and tampered with my date's meal. It ended in a catastrophic public spectacle
I'd woo them with a haunting harmonica melody, then take them out to sea on the back of my whale
I back it up with a lot of bravado, but it consists of premature, sloppy kisses after hastily splitting the bill at a hot dog stand by the docks
With a cardboard cut-out I've hooked up to a train set so the whole thing will seem a little bit more life-like
I always get kicked out of the restaurant within the first ten minutes, but I don't know why
A charming picnic in the country, made more romantic, or maybe just very creepy, by my ability to levitate everything
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