45 things Emmett Cullen MUST remember

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I don't own this but I found it!. Enjoy!

  1. 1

    He is not Harry Potter, even if the 4th graders think he is

  2. 2

    He is not to refer to Bella as 'that cute, clumsy, little meal on legs'

  3. 3

    Rosalie's hair does not tell him things

  4. 4

    Neither does Carlisle's

  5. 5

    The only proper response to a Alice's question of "Does this make me look fat?" is 'No.'

  6. 6

    Nudist colonies only exist in France

  7. 7

    His name is Emmett, not The All Powerful One

  8. 8

    Or Princess Butterfly

  9. 9

    Or Wild thang

  10. 10

    It is illegal to set Walmart on fire

  11. 11

    And that "But fire is so pretty" is not a good excuse for setting aforementioned fire

  12. 12

    He is not, in fact, 'Fergalicious'

  13. 13

    Nor is he a 'Barbie Girl' (but he is bringing Sexy Back)

  14. 14

    The CIA does not have his cell phone tapped

  15. 15

    There is no such phobia as omeworkophobia (fear of excessive homework)

  16. 16

    And telling his teacher he has omeworkophobia will not get him out of detention for not doing his homework

  17. 17

    Neither will offering to give him or her a lap dance

  18. 18

    . Edward will kill him if he hums 'Smack That' as Bella walks by

  19. 19

    Jasper will kill him if he hums 'Smack That' as Alice walks b

  20. 20

    Carlisle will kill him if he hums 'Smack That' as Esme walks by

  21. 21

    He may not hum 'Smack That' as Rosalie walks by because they may not 'do it' in front of the whole family and/or school

  22. 22

    It is wrong to tell freshman that all the students in their grade who fail are killed and used as cafeteria food the next year

  23. 23

    Alice and Bella are not having a lesbian affair and it is wrong to tell everyone at school that

  24. 24

    He doesn't hear people's thoughts (that's Edward)

  25. 25

    He doesn't see the future (that's Alice)

  26. 26

    Rosalie does not think hand puppets are seductive

  27. 27

    The squirrells are not out to get him

  28. 28

    Neither is Bella's cereal

  29. 29

    Fences are meant to keep people out, not to be pretty

  30. 30

    Nor is he allowed to take over the school intercom with the purpose of singing "Super Freak" by Rick James for the school's entertainment

  31. 31

    He's just not allowed to take over the school intercom at all

  32. 32

    Abandoned refridgerators are not portals to other worlds

  33. 33

    And he needs to stop telling little children they are

  34. 34

    Bella does not think it's funny when he stuffs her tampons in his nose and jumps out at her from where he was hiding in her closet

  35. 35

    Neither does her father

  36. 36

    Or Edward

  37. 37

    It is wrong to run through an airport screaming "BOMB! BOMB! HE HAS A BOMB!" while pointing at Carlisle

  38. 38

    He should not steal Jasper's Confederate uniform

  39. 39

    And then return Jasper's uniform months later, after adding beads, sequins and Girl Scout patches to it

  40. 40

    He is not from "the hood" and he is not a "gangsta"

  41. 41

    He must stop writing 'For a good time, call Edward Cullen' on the school's boy's bathroom walls

  42. 42

    Edward has no comment on the status of his virginity

  43. 43

    Nor does Bella

  44. 44

    He is forbidden to take naked pictures of Edward and email them to the whole school

  45. 45

    He embarrasses himself, and his family when he plays "Lord of the Onion Rings" at lunch

  46. 46

    Bye!and Thanks for taking!

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