Broken
There's someone I know, full of loss, and sadness. Who could guess who it is?
It's me.
Chapter 1
Lost: In the Heart
I walk over to the girls, and say "Hi, people!!" and they respond with silence. They glare me down and tell me to leave them alone. All except for Kate. Kate walks behind me, and says, "We can let her play, right?" and they all nod. Kate smiles at me, and I smile back. The first time I smiled since Coach D asked me to last week. I've been cold hearted, and lost, and Kate showed me the light. Even when I'm down, I try to keep others happy. Say there's a crinkled paper in the stack, or one someone stepped on. I take that one, and give the flat, smooth, clean white one to the next person. It's the little things that count, I always think.
Now, there are other people like Kate, like Mrs. Mueller, and Molly, but they don't help me as much as Kate. Mrs. Mueller had the same troubles I do, and Molly has been my best friend since 3rd grade, and I'm a few years ahead of that. They all guided me ahead. But, I never talked about the gentleman who kept me going. Jake. He kept my heart from bursting with sadness, he listened when I needed someone to talk to, he told me advice to get me through. All of it helps, but it's not enough. My grade just doesn't understand the trouble of emotional breakdowns.
However, I try to keep my chin up, and keep going, It's hard a lot, but I just know that I've gotta keep going.
Now, there are other people like Kate, like Mrs. Mueller, and Molly, but they don't help me as much as Kate. Mrs. Mueller had the same troubles I do, and Molly has been my best friend since 3rd grade, and I'm a few years ahead of that. They all guided me ahead. But, I never talked about the gentleman who kept me going. Jake. He kept my heart from bursting with sadness, he listened when I needed someone to talk to, he told me advice to get me through. All of it helps, but it's not enough. My grade just doesn't understand the trouble of emotional breakdowns.
However, I try to keep my chin up, and keep going, It's hard a lot, but I just know that I've gotta keep going.



4 Comments
Hey, it was Great!!! :) i hink you could be a 'mazin writter someday! :)
I really liked it! Good job :D Please check out my story, "Mercy"... I'm not really sure if it's good as this :/
im not gonna lie and say its good like most people. so here's what's wrong with it: there's not much original about it. a) it's written in sorta monotonous story format. try poetry, or a song or something. b) all the words you used are on a simple 2nd grade level. c) it was emoish, and that is what everyone tries to be. It's fine to write something that makes it unoriginal in 1 of these ways but not all. And try to make the chapter longer. thats way too short even for just one chapter.
im not trying to say you're a bad writer. Just giving you tips on how to become a better one. Since I read your story and gave you constructive criticism, do you mind doing the same with my song called The Rain? http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/dZ-KVUN/The-Rain