a lifestatement of noticement (this goes out to everyone that uses this site)

I don't feel human... I feel like there is something wrong with me, and I don't understand it. There is not much I can do about it, because it gives me lots of stress and a lot of suicidal ideas but I don't try them, not because I'm scared witch I'm not because I don't really have any fears and so I don't really care if I live or die. There are so many things going through my head at the one time but it doesn't give me a headache like it usually would give someone else, I seem to not have any nerves of pain anymore because I no longer feel pain but sometimes I wish I did so I could be normal... But is this feeling a good thing or a bad thing? It is so confusing to remember all the time. But I guess this is kind of a good thing because it makes me unique and different from everyone else. Because I am truly not as normal as people may think I am. They miss-judge me, I don't fully hate them, I pity them because not everyone will understand the real me unless they could do half the things I could do. Until that day comes, I will not be as safe as I once was. If you are understanding what is written then I can not think bad of you or anyone you tell. But even still... I will not have trust in anyone until my story is told, but no one no's what to expect from me or anything I do, so please don't think I am crazy because I am sharing this information with you, because the simple fact is I was born to be who I am, born to do the things I do, otherwise I would not tell you this. There are two things in life that people like and dislike, those two things are being alive, and the other one is the opposite which is sadly enough being dead. As for me, I don't enjoy or fear either of them, I think normal people would though,... but what all of this has told you is that I am sort of in between both life and death, so in a way I am nothing and two things at the same time, being alive and at the same time dead as well. If this is surprising you in any way I would understand why and how. I am telling you all this so that you will understand what it is like to be me so that if I ever do something weird in front of you, you will know why I did it.