My Book of Poems...

After he left
I remember my face was stained with tears
I couldn’t stop the weeping that flowed like a steady river
I was scarred forever
Or so I thought

I didn’t know if I would be able to move on
I thought I was ready
But deep down,
I knew it wasn’t true
I thought I could ever have one quite like him again
Then you came along
I remember that my dad was looking
Knowing for sure that he was ready
And he found you
I was sent a picture of you
I saw your pretty green skin
The scales on you were stunning
Then I thought
I’ve had enough time
And that I was ready for anew

I remember it
Almost like yesterday
I got in the car
We were heading towards Ohio
Because that’s where you were
And I remember the excitement
We had a cage and everything
A nice home for you
I thought was mentally stable enough
Along with everyone else

I remember going through West Virginia
I remember making the wrong turn
The air was fresh
And crisp
I could smell it

Finally we saw your porch
We knew it was yours
Because your owners said that the Ohio Rocking Chair
Would be there

We got out
And knocked
Out came 4 little boys
Who spit out their names
I remember this pudgy little dog
He was pretty much overweight
He was cute
But we came for you
And only you
I was so excited
We might actually have you
I walked in and tried to find you
Your owner pointed to you
There
There he is

I was flooded with emotions
You were so small
My dad held you first
Then my turn
I was ready
Finally ready

I took ahold of your small body
Beautiful
And fought the tears
So many mixed emotions
I wanted you
Then I didn’t
But I knew I did
And that I would hate myself if we left without you
I remember the confusion

I hid the tears because I started crying
He’s mine
I thought
He’s really mine
You were 100 dollars
And totally worth it

I remember holding you in the car
Just watching you
You were gorgeous
I wanted to know everything about you
I’m going to be your best friend
I thought you’d move and fidget
But you didn’t
Strange

Something was wrong with you
Just to make this long story short
We found out you were very, very sick
You couldn’t go to the bathroom
You wouldn’t eat
We had to force-feed you
And my mom had to give you shots
But you limp, lifeless body did nothing

We remember that we took you to Virginia Beach
We knew you wouldn’t make it on your own
So there you were
In a car
I remember sitting in the back with you
Coming back, you sat on a pillow
And I couldn’t see you
I was teary eyed
Thinking about what was to come
Because you didn’t get better
But you didn’t get worse
Nothing

But you were ours
So we took care of you
Somehow you managed
Somehow you stayed alive
But you were suffering the whole time
How could I do this to you?
I felt horrible
Making you suffer
It wasn’t right
I was being selfish

At one point
I realized
You weren’t the perfect one
You were just a disaster waiting to rip me apart again
To break my heart
Sorry

I remember it
So vividly
It was 10 and I came downstairs
You weren’t there
I remember I looked in your cage
You were nowhere to be seen
I came out
My parents were there
Ready for me
He’s gone
The words paralyzed me
They replayed and replayed
Taunting me
I remember the pain

I knew it was coming
I didn’t want it to
But it had to
Even though I wasn’t ready

He’s gone
I couldn’t believe it
I felt that whirlwind of thoughts
That I hoped I wouldn’t have to feel for a 4th time
Well too late
It was the day before my birthday
Happy Birthday to me
I was heartbroken
How could he leave me now?
It was too soon
I remember running upstairs
Crying

All my fears
They were real
And you left me
Crying
I knew not to name you
I’d get to attached
I knew what was going to happen
I would be sad
I just couldn’t take it
I thought I wasn’t ready
And I was right

I’m not sure if I can ever put my heart into anything again
I’m afraid to be crushed
I cried myself to sleep that night
So many questions
Were you poisoned? Was it string? What could it be? Something you ate?
I thought maybe something tore up your intestines.
I remember there being so many questions
I remember the last one
The one that still hurts me the most
Did you mean to leave me crying?