you find love when everything seems lost (part 16)

i started looking around
nothing new
nothing special
Spoons is just so boring
but i will find a way to kill myself!
i started walking again
not knowing where to go
i was a stranger in my own town...
i never fit in anywhere
not at school
not with people
they like me, but i don't like them
so i never have good relationships with them
no one would even care if i killed myself
my mom was gone, he didn't care what happened to me and my dad would say it's my own fault

i shivered
i didn't want to think of my dad
that piece of shiit
i could never forgive him
for what he did to me
and mom...

while i was talking to myself in my head, i noticed that i was walking to the river close to Spoons
i always thought drowning was a good way to die...
not painfull, not horrible
they would think i just fell in

i stood still in front of the river
it was very deep
deep enough to drown in
i took a step back
looking around
no one was here, but i did feel some eyes on me
i frowned but didn't pay attention to it
it wasn't that cold, but i did know the water would be
so i kept my clothes on
'three, two, one' i said, counting out loud
i started running and jumped in the river
i swam deeper and deeper
until i didn't saw the light anymore
i didn't feel scared
actually, i was happy
that i could get away from here
i closed my eyes, and thought about nothing
i started running out of breath
so i grabbed a rock from the dark ground
and hit myself on the head with it
i saw a shadow comming closer
before i passed out
'make the pain go away' was my last wish
then i finally didn't feel anything....

'Dammit, she doesn't breath! Jake, i don't know what to do'
i couldn't open my eyes
and i couldn't find the breath to say something
why did i feel stuff again?
i tried to move
but i couldn't controle my body
the voice i heared before kept talking
'should we move her? she doesn't heal as quick as we do... i should have stopped her Jake, i saw her jumping in! it's all my fault!'
it was the voice of a guy, and i couldn't remember the sound of it
it was someone i didn't knew
'you wouldn't have made any difference' i heared Jacob saying
it annoyed me that he was here
i didn't want him here

then i felt something warm against me
it pushed the water out off my longs
making me able to breath
i slowely opened my eyes
and saw everything dancing in front of it
i gasped and i heared the people around me holding their breath
i started coughing and alot more water came out off me
i was suprised how much water was in me
then it stopped comming out
and i looked around confused
the guy i didn't knew, was looking at me in a weird way
like he saw the sun for the first time or something
he was tall and had black hair
he reminded me of Jacob kinda
but he had a more friendly face
'don't worry, you'll be fine' he told me
and i believed him