Undecided: A mostly true story (Part ten out)

I let the tears fall slowly down my bright red cheeks as i leaned my face against the cold window of the school bus.I'm alone on the bus for i refused to go sledding with the others.
As stupid as it sounds, I'm crying for two reasons. One; my heart is yearning for a guy. But not any guy.
His name is Jack Wilds. Brown haired, with eyes that are bluey-gray but are also greenish. A smile that makes my heart pound and a body that i want to touch. He isn't ripped but he has a fair amount of muscles. He's silent but once you get to know him, hes funny. Hes also smart but hes complicated.
Lots of people say we should date because its obvious we like each other but something is holding me back.
Which leads me to reason two. That something is a hurt that i feel everyday, even when i don't think about it.
It's not a physical hurt, like a cut or a bruise. But it started out as a physical pain and when the physical stopped, it became a emotional pain.
The hurt, the pain i feel is not easily described.
I wish it would just go away.
It stops me from being normal, whatever that is.