The Thoughts of Damon Salvatore

I put on an image. It's what keeps me going.

I keep everything concealed. Things are better with no emotion. I bottle up my thoughts, my feelings, everything. I rather "turn it off" than have to deal with the pain.

Whenever I try to be happy, have hopes for once, everything comes tumbling down. Disappointments.

Everybody wants me to stop. They want me to feel. But why? What good would it be to channel the human inside of me? Why should I be something I am not? What is the point?

My heart aches with the memories of Katherine. Not for her, but what she caused. Because of her the relationship between my brother and I has been damaged. I hate her. I would do nothing for her. I want her to live the sorrow I have been through. I want her to suffer.

Stefan. He searches for any drop of humanity left inside of me, but to only end up with disappointments. He wants me to be like him. To try to start over. To try to forget the past. His words, "It doesn't have to be like this, Damon," ring throughout my head constantly.

But I just can't.

Elena. She wants me to feel. To unblock the despairs I try to hide. She thinks if she asks I will do it because it's her. She thinks just because it is her asking me to do something I am just going to give in. She thinks it's just that easy, just to feel, after years of tuning out any emotion you have within you.

I kill to disguise the pain. I drink to disguise the pain. It's what I do. I am not going to change.

But I wonder what will happen. What will happen when it all comes to an end? When I can't take it anymore. When the bricks I have been building to keep in the grief inside of me start tumbling down. When I can't take the pain of all the hurt I have received from this endless life.

What will happen?