Ready To Love Again

I stared out the window, a tear falling down my cheek. This was our town. Jason and I would always walk these now-abandoned streets in the summer. On the way to the airport, the car I was in passed the field where the carnivals and fairs were held every summer. We had nothing to worry about, because life was perfect. No fears, no fences, no reins; just our will to live a fulfilled life...together.

Now, on this dreary September day, I move to my new town; Mesa, Arizona. Back in Connecticut, I lived with my father. My mom has been trying to convince me to move in with her for years, but I couldn't leave my other part behind. So I stayed. My parents were never even married. My mother didn't believe in marriage, and my dad promised to stay with my mom until their little 'mistake' (i.e. me) was brought into this world. After I was born, dad split. He had kept his promise. Then my mom went into depression over my father's leaving. And she turned to alcohol. She was in rehab from my ages of 6 to 10, and I was shipped across the country to my dad. After she was released, I had already met Jason, so I stayed. Now that Jason is gone, my father thinks it's best if I go live with my mother. Honestly, he just doesn't want to deal with me anymore.

I'm not a bad kid, per say. I just don't like being told what to do. And I generally don't like people. They get on my nerves. In Connecticut, I didn't have many friends. The ones I did have were either in jail, or on a path that headed there. At Westbury High, my old high school, I lived in the principals office. I never did anything too bad... I would sleep in class, not to homework, or whatever. On my last day there, the office threw me a going-away party. Usually, these parties are thrown because everyone is sad the person is leaving. Not in this case. Actually, quite the opposite.

We pulled up to the airport, I grabbed my bags and walked into the terminal. My father had called a cab for me. He was never really good at goodbyes. He would rather avoid them. Exactly what he did to my mom.

I walked in and found my gate. We weren't allowed to board yet, so I sat in line. I pulled out my iPod, and turned 'Far Away' by Nickelback on. Tears welled up in my eyes; this was the first song Jason and I danced to at homecoming three years ago; freshman year. Now, I couldn't believe how much I could relate to his song. I still can't wrap my mind around it; Jason is gone. He can't be. You can't just leave like that. I wiped my tears away when the flight attendant said we could board. I sat in a random seat, next to a window. A few minutes later, we were in the air. I looekd over the town I once called home. I could see my house. I could see Jason's house. I could see the cemetery. I could see the fair grounds. Then we were above the clouds, and it all disappeared.