Doubt

I know what I saw. The wind and rain buffeting her hair as she stood there on the edge of the precipice. Her smile, as she let the drops of water roll over her face. Was the rain mixed with tears? Or was she truly so happy about this choice? The rocking motions as she rose on the balls of her feet and leaned forward, arms out as if reaching for something. For him? Did she see him then, as she leapt off, feet-first, into the air? And her scream as she twisted in the wind, plummeting into the hard surface, disappearing into the cold water. I know what I saw.

And then nothing.

Had she meant to die?

Even Edward wasn't certain, but then, he'd become increasingly doubtful of himself, particularly in regards to understanding Bella, since our return to Forks.

I saw the concern in Charlie's face as well.

The things he told me the morning after: her pain, the aching sadness. It fit the suicide theory.

I didn't like to think that Bella would lie to me. Was it possible to want to die and not know your own feelings? Could she truly believe it was merely recreational, while deep in her heart she wanted to die?

The expression on her face when she jumped: that pure longing and desire. The only other time I ever saw it was when she looked at my brother. She wanted him more than life itself. She'd proved that in Volterra. What had brought that same expression to her face the day she jumped? What had she wanted then?