An inside look at Johnny's life

Di didn't love me. She was falling for some Soc.I should have known better anyway. How could someone like Di be in love with someone like me?I needed a place to get some quiet, so I headed toward the place I hated, my house. No one ever payed attention to me there, unless they were hacked off about something, then you couldn't get them to shut up. I just hoped they wouldn't disturb me-I needed to think.I cautiously opened the door and relaxed when I realized no on was home. My stomach rumbled with hunger, I'd forgotten to eat today. I opened the refridgerator and wrinkled my nose in disgust. All that occupied the shelves was bottles of beer and vodka. Oh well, my stomach would have to wait. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy, so I headed upstairs to what I like to cll 'my room'. 'My room' was actually in the study and personally I liked it. I dragged an old mattress up there a month or two ago and Darry even made me a frame so I could have a bed. It was a nice bed and I was proud of it. Sure it lacked sheets and a pillow, but my blanket was enough. I yawned as I locked the door. My parents never came up here, but I wasn't going to risk it. I collapsed on the bed and allowed sleep to come over me.

"Wake up and answer me boy! Are you there?" My father pounded on the door and screamed at me. I wondered how he knew I was here, then groaned when I realized that I left my jean jacket on the back of the chair downstairs.
"Answer me you good for nothing hood!"
I was too scared to answer. I frantically scanned the room for something to hide behind. I was halfway to the closet when he managed to get inside.
"why are you home boy? I thought we told you to stay out of here!"
"Please..." I gasped. I was so scared. My hands were all sweaty, and my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would leap out of my chest. He walked over to me and yanked me up by my hair. It hurt a little, but I could never let him know that.
"We don't want you here. After all me and your mother have done to raise you, you've turned out useless and worthless." He let go of my hair and backhanded me across the face. My face stung badly, so I rubbed my cheek to lessen the pain. "Thats another thing too. You're so damn weak' His words hurt worse than his stinging slap. H pushed me and I staggered backwards, falling on the bed. My shoulder hit the wall, and I knew that soon, a purple bruise would appear.
"I'm not weak!" I protested, but I should have kept my mouth shut.
"You're not weak?" his voice was filled with anger and scorn, and I struggled to keep from trembling. Slowly climbing off the bed, I put my hands up in surrender. He saw it as an opportunity to knee me in the stomach. Doubling over, I pleaded with him to please stop, but he was deaf to my words. He pulled my head back against the wall with my hair and yelled "YOU ARE WEAK! And a weak boy is no son of mine"
A single tear trickled down my face, branding a streak of water from my eye to my chin. I prayed fervently that he wouldn't see it, but no such luck was with me.
"Oh" he rasped, sending a faint smell of alcohol up my nostrils. "Not only are you weak, You're a cry baby- a sissy- a wimp!" He let go of my hair, and I dropped my head because his words hurt me so bad, that I was now crying so hard my shoulders shook. My breaths came in short gasps and my throat let out this pitiful choking noise.
"Get up and off the bed" he ordered, but I didn't. I wasn't sure if that was because I was scared stiff or because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of obeying him. It was childish, but I wanted to punish him somehow, hurt him like he'd hurt me, and by showing defiance maybe he would know I didn't love him. Instead it only fueled his anger. He pulled me off the bed by my leg, an the landing was painful.
Could he not see how scared I was?
Could he not see how much pain I was in?
Could he not find anything, anything at all loveable about me?
I wanted to disappear. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wnated to be dead. I wanted to be at the Curtis' house. I wanted parents who loved me and didn't belt me every time I turned around. But I knew that wanting and wishing was fruitless, and I also knew that my father's rampage wouldn't last forever. I just had to grit my teeth and suffer through it. It may have been minutes, but the time he spent clobbering me around felt like hours. It finally ended when I managed to get past him and stumble out the door.
"And stay the hell outta here!"
At the time, I never wanted to go back to that horrible horrible place ever again, but deep inside, I knew I'd go back. I think thats because I still held on to the faint hope that one day they'd love me, one day, they'll pound on my door to wake me up for school and not to scare the living daylights out of me.

Why did they hate me so much?

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