Letting Go...

I thought i knew it all..I thought i had all the answers..I loved him,and i thought he loved me back..I dreamt of him day and night,and spent long hours preparing myself to look good,with new clothes,and new hair.But he never even noticed..I was a blind believer..He ignored me,and went for the blondes instead...I was so nieve into thinking he loved me.I ruined my life..All the calls that never came..And all the texts and notes he ignored..Priceless...I could never let go of him..And i still can't..His image haunts me,and i can't help but love him.He is my everything.But he doesn't love me...You see,it was a crisp autumn morning at my School.And i thought that this day would go perfect,as we walked to specials,i saw him playing and teasing and poking and tickling a few blondes,i simply walked by,Smiled,and gave a friendly smile..He didn't even acknowledge me,and i was too stupid to realise he was just another one of those guys,who plays with your heart.He told me that he wanted to text me,and he defended/protected me.He even called me 2 times.& often asked if i was okay,when i told him i was hurt..But i bit more than i could chew..& i realised he had other girls on his mind.I was crushed when he scolded me,for accidentally sending him 2 text messages at once.My heart was crushed for months in fact.I waited for those texts he promised.And those long stares into my eyes like he used to.They never came.Just girls and him,him and girls.Blonde ones.He told them they were beautiful,and he practically fell head over heels for them,not realising that they were just using him,as a rebound.I knew the deep dark secrets between those girls.They both had recently undergone a breakup.A bad one.So they used him as a confidence rebuilder,but he never realised it.When he saw me looking at them,with a jealousy/solemn face,he simply rolled his eyes,and smirked with the two girls...He didn't realise who loved him..FOR REAL..I was so upset that he didn't know the truth.But i was scared that if he knew,he might be heartbroken.And that would be bad.Because i care about him..Yet he doesn't care for me..One of these days,he's going to wake up,and live up to reality & he did....And when he did,i simply started to flirt in front of him,and not even glance at him when walking by.Just laugh with other nerds and boys he was friends with.I ignored his success,and achievements,and he never even noticed.He didn't even care.I was a blind believer once again.I was proving nothing,i was heartbreaking nobody.I was just falling into trouble with him.One blonde at a time..I asked my friends to ask if he liked me,and he simply raged and got upset.And said "NO!" I was beyond crushed...I started to notice sexxual things going on between him and the blondes,when they would play together at recess,they would lickk each other,and this one time,i saw one of the blondes makingg outt with him.He even touched and grabbed their butts...It was a Monday Afternoon,and i was walking to class when he came "Hey" he said..I ignored him,and kept walking "What's your problem?" "YOU ARE MY PROBLEM JADYN! YOU ARE! YOU AND THOSE BLONDE GIRLS,YOU AND THEM! OKAY? I LOVED YOU JADYN! I REALLY DID! UNTIL YOU HAD TO GO AND TOY AROUND WITH MY HEART! NOW I CAN HARDLY LIVE WITHOUT PAIN! I HATE YOU! NOW JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! AND GO PLAY WITH THOSE GIRLS! AND JUST A LITTLE HINT,THEY ARE USING YOU AS A REBOUND!! OKAY? THEY DON'T REALLY LOVE YOU! I DID! BUT YOU NEVER EVEN NOTICED!!" I shouted as loud as i could,and tears began to stream down my face "Uh,Samantha,i i i i never knew" he said softly "Oh shut up JADYN! YOU KNEW I LOVED YOU! I WAS ALWAYS GIVING YOU HINTS!! NOW FEEL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE CRUSHED AND BROKEN BY SOMEONE YOU LOVE!" Tears began to pour down my face,and my shirt was soaked..I ran down the hall,to the middle of the field,and just ran as fast as i could,i ran and ran,and didn't think about the consequences,i was done with him..I ran,and sat under the "Tree Island" where Jadyn and the blondes made out I heard his footsteps running fast in the hallway,and i saw him rushing down the steps.Fury and anger began to build inside me..I ran to him and just screamed and began to punch him,he grabbed my arms and tried to comfort and hug me "LEAVE ME ALONE" I said,as i struggled to wipe the tears from my eyes and get away,i kicked him,and he grabbed me and held me close "Get...AWAY!!" Then i bared my fist and stared into his eyes,tears began to form..He was staring at me,for once.He was just looking into my eyes..The school day was almost over,as we heard the 3rd bell ring...He tried to hug me,but i turned my back..."I understand,you have a right to be mad.I am sorry" he said apologetically.."Listen,i am letting go Jadyn.Find someone else to love,because me and you are over".He began to cry,and you could see tension building in his arms.I quickly walked up the steps,and waved at my teacher to unlock the door so i could get my backpack she unlocked the door..And i walked in."My dear i was worried about you.Hurry grab your things before you are late" she said with a smile "Im sorry ma'm..My emotions got ahold of me" i said as i wiped a tear from my cheek."Would you like to stay and talk Samantha" "I would love to Ms.Horner,but i must go" I grabbed my things,and practically ran through the hallways,and down the hill to my home,ignoring what had just happened.I'd deal with it tomorrow anyway...TBC