Trapped With Freedom

The sun felt wrong but good. as it shone down on my face i turned towards it I breathed the air and expected warm air and of course got what i wanted. but that was the thing im not sure if i wanted it i didn't know what i wanted it felt like it should be raining.
It was summer now and I was home alone. and bored but thats the same i didn't wanna go on Facebook cause that just makes me more depressed so i laid on my floor with music blaring and the windows open with the warm breeze gently flowing through it.
i knew i was home alone and i knew where we kept the knives but i was gonna be a good girl and keep my arms smooth. i kept telling myself i was stronger then the knife but i also knew i would give in to my own thoughts sooner or later. it was summer though so long sleeves were kinda out of the question.
I was single but i have only ever had one boyfriend and he was a creepy mistake. I had plent of other ideal boys but i knew they all had certain restrictions around them.
All my friends i either didn't feel like hanging out or had other friends unlike me . Don't get me wrong i Love all my friends but none of them truly know me (not even you meredith if your reading this). Some of my friends know me better then others but still i don't think it matters how long you know someone just how well.