alone

The yells,
yells and screams,
unwanted dreams,
I'm never wanted,
as it seems.

My wrists,
Wrists with scars that show,
friends are the only ones,
that truly know.

Sitting,
sitting on my bed,
all the screams,
go through my head.

Searching,
searching for my dreams,
just trying,
to ignore the screams.

Falling,
falling, I am lost,
a broken heart,
that's what it costs.

Chances,
chances I try to take,
but each time I try,
my heart sure breaks.

Sing,
sing and dance is what I do,
spend all my life,
trying to impress you.

Gone,
gone, I'm all alone,
no one here to heal,
my heart of stone.

Greatness,
greatness is in my soul,
but when I speak out,
I become a fool.

People,
people everywhere,
when I walk by,
they all just stare.

Same,
same, I want to shout,
they all fit in,
but I stand out.

Running,
running from my fears,
I have no one,
to wipe my tears.

Trusting,
Trusting in my heart,
somewhere in this world,
I'll find my part.

Boom,
Boom, my heart beats slow,
there will be a time,
when I shall glow.

Cheering,
cheering, I must not boast,
I owe it all,
to my ghost.

Smile,
smile, I must not frown,
many people,
I can't let down.

Sometimes,
sometimes I pretend I'm okay,
I hold back the tears,
and just walk away.

Now,
so now my heart is stone,
wish someone could see,
that I'm all alone.


The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.
People that I live with thought they would be the people that I love,
With the hate, the anger, the yelling, the teasing, and the madness.
The more that I cry, the more I think there is no love.
When I go to school they always talk about me,
When I come home that’s not where I want to be.
Sometimes I feel I don't want to be in this world,
If someone shot me I wonder how they would feel,
Happy, mad, or pretend that they are sad.
The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.

The sun shines in
With painful heat
The children laugh
Sharp, mean laughter
Their happiness cuts deep
I bleed tears
Onto a red satin pillow
My weeping goes unnoticed
The sun shines
The children laugh
Life goes on
While I die here
On my window seat


My brother the A student/Perfect Athlete
Beautiful wife and children
Serving in the army
The one who calls me 'Kiddy'

My Father the big man
The Ex cop/charmer
The CEO of some big company
The one who scares me with his violence

My mother the trophy wife
The stereo typical stay at home mom
The hair stylists 'favorite'
The one who thinks she has the right to call herself my mother

The Me
Is Lucky to even get a C
Not fall on my face during gym
The shy girl in the corner which no one notices
The friendless one
The One who has tear stains on her cheeks
The one who can't AND refuses to be perfect like her family

In this family...there’s no room for imperfection

Yet I'm still here...

She walked around with a tattoo of a frown upon her face
she thought she had no reason to smile or to even live
She believed that life truly sucked
she thought I would never get better ever...she absolutely hated life

she walked around all alone
she dressed in so much black nobody would come near her
she didn't want anybody to dare to get close to her or even try to
she got hurt so many times she began to hate everyone around her

But then she gradually started to let people into her life
she was sick of walking all alone
she didn't want to be alone for the rest of her life
she began to finally see the good side to life the positive side to life
she began to think that life was really not that bad
she finally started to walk around with a tattoo of a smile upon her face!