Things NOT to do at Hogwarts

I must not put out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

Making rumors about Harry and Draco's secret love life is not funny and it will stop soon.

I must not bring a Magic-8 ball to Divination class.

I must not make fun of Prof. Lupin's 'time of the month'.

I must not set up an underground dueling arena.

I must not ask for advice from Peeves on how to wreak havoc.

I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffinndor tower is "Petrificus Totalus" and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves.

I must not pay first years a galleon to pee in Mad-Eye Moody's hip flask.

I must not leave shampoo on Prof. Snape's desk with instructions on how to properly wash his hair.

I must not point to the Dark Mark in the sky and shout "To the Batmobile, Robin!"

I must not put a paper sign on Firenze's back saying "Pony Rides: 3 Sickles".

I must not point to Harry Potter's scar and ask if his Voldy senses are tingling.

I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.

I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse over the whomping willow.

I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and take bets on who will come out alive.

I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, i am to assume that i am not allowed to do it.

I am not to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he'd forget his head if it wasn't attached--thats just cruel.

I should not confess to crimes that happened before I was born, even if I have access to a time turner.

I Will not jump up, Yelling "VOLDERMORT, RUN!" in the middle of a Order or DA meeting.

I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his "Happy place".

"Swish and flick" is only a wand movement

Putting a snitch in Malfoy's pants really isn't all that funny. Even if it does make him scream like a girl.

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.

Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster", not "My Liege".

"OMGWTF" is not a spell.

I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas feast.

I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles".

I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.

It is not necessary to yell "Burn!" everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor.

I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.


That's it! Hope you liked it!!(: