~Peace~ Hépíng's journal

Hi. My name is Wǒmen de máfan-Hépíng, and I am dead.
I am not dead yet, but by the time you read this, I will be. This world is deceitful, and offers no peace. My family name means, "our troubles," and my given name means, "peace." The world is full of hypocrites. I know this now.
I am writing this before I die so that all may know how the world has wronged me. Everyone is against me. The only ones that have ever loved me are gone and dead. Except for God. He has been my Refuge, my Strong Tower. Without Him, I would have fallen to the dark tricks of the world long ago. Through all that has happened, He has carried me. But He will carry me no longer. After this, I will stand before His throne.

I shall start from the beginning. The day my life was changed.
It was a normal Saturday, like any other. I suppose that is how it always starts. I lived in the Guizhou province in China. The Guizhou province is one of the poorest in China. I was the youngest of nine children, all of whom left to try to find jobs. I was the only one left, still in junior high, living with my mother. She said it would be better, now that it was just us. She promised we would have more to eat. But that day, I just had had enough. I do not know where it came from. But when she put down that cornmeal gruel on the table in front of me, I said,
"No."
"What do you mean no?" my mother asked incredulously. "I spent my time cooking this for you. I worked hard. This is the only piece of food you are going to have until sundown. So eat it!"
"I am tired of the gruel, Mǔqīn! Why can we not go out and buy good food?"
"Because we cannot afford it, Hépíng! And I am tired of you yelling at me! I am your mother, and you are a child! Now, eat your food!"
I was brimming with anger, but I knew what I had done was out of line. "Yes, Mǔqīn. I am sorry."
She nodded, fixing me with her cold, green eyes. "We need to talk, Hépíng. About your grades."
I lowered my head and focused on my gruel, as if it had suddenly become fascinating to me.
"I found your paper hidden in your notebook," she continued, sitting down across from me.
I looked up. "You were going through my bag?"
"A B, Hépíng? How could you?"
"I didn’t mean to, Mǔqīn! Honest! I’ll do better!"
"You DARE get a B! Did you not study hard enough? Should I confine you to your room until you learn your math problems?" She stood and raised her voice.
I stood also. "Please, Mǔqīn! I really WILL try harder! I will not let you down! I will make you proud!" By now we were both shouting.
"NO! I want you to do nothing but schoolwork and studying today! All day at school, you will work until you bring your grade up to an A! Not just an A, but an A+! Focus at school, and when you get back, we will do more worksheets!" She fixed me with her cold, green eyes, and I knew it was final.
I sat down and lowered my head once more. "Yes, Mǔqīn. I am sorry. I will do better."
"You will. I will make sure of that. Now, finish your cornmeal and get ready for school." She then marched out of the room to fix up the hut, collect water, and try to find sewing jobs.
I finished my gruel and put on my school clothes. It was a mile or two away, and I usually walked. I pulled on my cloth shoes, and my feet went right through. I looked through the holes in the shoes and sighed, lying down on my bed.
I did not get up for a long time.