Out the Window

The sun was pouring in, leaving squares of light.As the school windows were barred, like a prison.How My life feels like a prison, i'm trapped in myself.Trapped in this hard, disgusting and putrid shell, with a mushy sickly mixture inside.My name is Ava, Ava Barr.How coincedental, Barr,Prison.You get it?

That isn't really a nice way to start off my life biography is it?I'll try to be more positive next time.
I was born in Bognor Regis in the dingy apartment in which i spent the first 12 years of my much missed life.Born Rose Elizabeth Barr by Margaret and David Barr on the 18th of August 1998.A sweet young couple who had moved to Bognor for safety, all the way through the eighties their families were targeted by people for being travellers.Their family was still in trouble and were fighting inside themselves so they eloped together.How romantic?

Before i was born a fortuneteller said from 10 she'll be alone for years afterwards.Of course i turned 10 and they all celebrated as it was wrong.Turns out it wasn't.

The beginning of my childhood was as ordinary as anyone elses , i danced along to all the songs and played with all the plasticy toys.I cannot remember much as i tried to bury everything about my past, but i do remember the apartments living room.There was loads of shiny ikea yucky bookshelves all full with folders,books,albums and everything we needed to keep us entertained.A TV with a big back to it, so big i even sat on it and that sofa.Oh that sofa.It was an ugly warm terracotta pattern with big squares all over it.It wasn't even ours, it must have had so many memories, it was just there when they moved in, covered in dusty blankets.I remember the time, the day, the year when my life suddenly came crashing down.

It was 16:37,11th of August 2010.One week until i turned 12.I had been doing nothing all day, i was thinking about what would happen when i went into year 8.I had made a new group of friends just before school ended and i wasn't sure whether to stick to my old friends or new ones.Then as i was staring at the ceiling i heard shouting and a bang.Ryan, who was my little brother came tottering in and said they were arguing again.His little grey eyes were staring at me, i always felt like he would be reading my mind.I miss Ryan every day, his was a bit of a midge but i didn't care it was cute.My mother had found out she was pregnant again recently and they had been arguing because they couldn't handle another child.Their wishes came true, they lost a child, they lost me.I was sitting ignoring him comfortably slumped in my bed.Before I knew it, i was under the pier crying my eyes out and Throwing rocks into the sea.

My Mother, Father and Ryan died in a fire.I think they must have knocked over a lamp, one of their old fashioned oil lamps from the caravans.The last things i remember was that one moment Ryan was sitting on the bed with me, then the next i could see smoke coming through the door and Ryan was gone.The next was the sofa burning, the polyester setting it alight harder and faster.Then it was gone, into heaving masses of deadly, dancing light.I spent ages looking for him, but then the smoke was too much and i ran downstairs and then outside.I had to escape so i went under the pier.It was were my longtime crush Cam usd to sit with me.We were just friends though.Never more.

I quickly lost all my friends, old and new.I mourned all the days where they tried to get me a home.I wouldn't smile.Talk.Eat.Sleep.But almost immediately an old lady in her 60's named Elizabeth Brown-Stephens took me in.Now come to think of it, the time i spent with elizabeth would have been treasured memories if the events prior had never happened.
Elizabeth lived in the middle of some fields in Ford, coated and hiddden in rotten cooking-apple trees.I had learnt they were cooking apples, when i sat in the trees and ate one only to start squealing at the taste.Her house was not old, it was literally ancient, her family had lived there for too many generations.It was big though, very big, with little dark narrow coridors leading around like a Labyrinth.Whatever that is, she never told me the meaningIf Ryan had survived the fire he would definitely have been scared to death here.In the large overgrown garden was 3 courtyards, the first was pretty and beautiul with perfect shapes and colourful flowers.Second, have little engraved rocks after around 29 pets.The third was heartbreaking, it had 11 tombstones,
Elizabeths Grandmother and
Elizabeths Grandfather and
Elizabeths Father and
Elizabeths Mother and
Elizabeths Brother and
Elizabeths Husband and
Ava her dead 4 year old and
Robert a premature baby and
Jessabelle, Olivia and Connor the miscarriages.
A lot of lossess, she was just like me.She had lost everyone.Actually everything, so i had fun.Well as much as i could.She would have been a caring, sweet mother, if only her kids had survived.I also got a new name, very long though she choose it so:
Ava Davina Margaret Jessabelle Olivia Connor Elizabeth Rose Cathy Louisa Hope Barr-Brown-Stephens
You can tell Elizabeth wasn't right in the head, Ava for her daughter, Margaret and Davina for my parents and the est for more relatives.It was quite fun telling people my name after a while.We made cakes,
But soon it was the funeral,
I felt like a thousand silver tipped cocktail sticks were being thrown at my heart
But no one knew because it was so slow
Was i dying
And It felt like
was i burning like they did
But from the inside
I had the chance to meet my long lost family
I couldnt
I wouldnt
I didnt
Me and Elizabeth left after the blessing.
I cried all night
and all day
But then school came.
Elizabeth immediately got me a place in the school, i used to think it was because they had saved the spot for the last Ava elizabeth had.It was a small Catholic school, she wouldn't let me return to my old school.I shouldn't have bothered thinking about Cam and friends after all then.I would miss the, i said i would at the end of year 7.But i never thought it would be like this.Maybe one day they'll read this and realise why i never contacted them.

So the weeks past and i spent the time burying things.A clock, a rock, wood, plates, anything i could find.I had to bury everything.Pretty soon i grew to know Elizabeth better.She told me stories about her family.Apparently she had lot's of siblings but they had gone off around the country and she never saw them.
But then soon school came, i started on the 6th of september, I know i did just look back at my old timetable.It looks lie it is going to rot, but i kept it as everyone signed it.Then i had to say goodbye to Elizabeth for the first time ever.
It's like Reception all over again.

Thanks to my English teachers for teaching me to write and Elizabeth for lending me her first name, All my friends for writing stories so i'd write one that's better, and Capital Fm for playing good music to listen to whilst writing.

Picture choice:To represent the pain she would have had, through crying and sleepless nights

Hope You liked it
Frances-Rose xxx