If I Didn't Love You

Just as sure as the grass is green, the sky is blue, my heart is broken. Sometimes I wonder if you have an inkling of knowledge as to how much I love you, how much this scares me. Does your heart ache for mine? Do you lay alone and wonder in the middle of the night what it might be like to hold me tight? I do not think my heart can take much more, my life and hearts been shattered once before and I wont and I cant let it happen again. And when I look at you and you look away and blush I smile and look forward and my heart squeezes and yells, he loves you, you love him, so why not believe him? but then I look back, and I see your arm around her, I step back, and take the time for me to feel my heart crack and shatter and break and fall to the floor faster than I can try to stop it and pull it back together. My head then screams, Your stupid, your young, your broken. Stop looking your hearts too fragile to take another second of this. Stop listening to your heart, it’s been through so much, you know better than to believe a guy like him would even take a second glance at a girl like you, you need to keep your heart fenced so it cant be broken into and robbed of all its knowledge. You know your gullible, you know your impressionable, so why do you keep doing this to me? my head hurts from all the time Im spending trying to comprehend how someone could bend the truth of his feelings so much. I sit and try to think of a reason why you would stare at me and pry my feelings out into my eyes for everyone to see the way I feel about you. And I say no, I dont believe you but my head screams please see through my lies and find the secrets that lie in the back of mind hidden by my heart waiting for you to start beating my brain to find them. My heart aches. I just dont know what to do. Some of those times I lay and think of you, I think it would be easier if I didnt love you. I turn over close my eyes and stop the fight and sigh because I can finally, get some sleep tonight. It would be so much easier if I didnt love you.


December-11-2009