The Trust Game

I walked into his office worried that he wouldn’t be there because the door was rarely open when he was. Surprisingly enough, he was there sleeping on the couch. The smallest part of me wanted to find a way to lie down next to him with my head on his bare chest, feeling him slowly inhale and exhale beneath me, but the majority of me wanted to jump on him and scream, "Why would you do this to me?"

Logically, neither were a good idea so instead I found his shirt, threw it on his head, and then sat on the coffee table in front of his waking form. He moaned, tired, and slowly pulled the shirt off his head with his eyes still closed.

"Good morning," he said as he stretched with his eyes shut, having no idea who was in his office.

"Mark," I said. I couldn’t give away any emotion or this would go no where.

He reacted quickly to my voice, opening his eyes and shifting to sit up. "Val?" he questioned still half out of it.

I sighed, got up, and closed the door before sitting back down and answering. "We need to talk."

"Here?" he asked.

"I don't know, I just figured this was the easiest place to corner you."

"Job well done."

We were so used to each other even now, after what we’d been through in the last 3 days hadn’t affected our sarcastic humor towards each other. I suppose it’s a good thing in the long run, but after that, we had nothing to say for a minute.

"Where are the kids?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Home alone," I replied before decided to end the jokes, "They spent the night with my mom." I sighed and just continued, knowing that if I didn’t we’d fall into a silence again, one that would usually have been comfortable, but because of the situation would have just been awkward. "I need..."

"The truth?" he finished. I nodded, still holding everything in, and he stood. He walked to the far end of the room and I knew it was just to give him time to find somewhere to start. He ran his fingers through his hair, agitated, and just as I suspected, he began to pace; it was more of a way to avoid making eye contact than anything else at this point.

"It’s true," he finally said, "But you knew that. It was the night of my med. school reunion that I went to after the conference in New Jersey." He stopped pacing and looked at me to scan my face for a reaction, but I didn't offer up much despite my surprise from his last statement. When he didn't find anything he continued on.

"We had had a thing back in school during one of our... off seasons."

I held in a smile. I remembered our early relationship, always friends, but only dating about every other month because we’d get into some small altercation. I was hoping all that experience would help out now.

"At the reunion we relived a typical night at school, getting drunk and partying. She found me and we started talking and..." He shook his head and came over to the couch, sitting directly in front of me and taking my hands before I realized. "Val," he said sighing, "Val I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I really am. I know you. I know that you're struggling right now and if we weren't in public then you'd probably be yelling and throwing things at me and I'm a jerk and know that I deserve it." He paused, ever so briefly, but just long enough for me to realize he was choking up.

"You are the strongest person I know. All the things you've had thrown at you during your life and you've never broken down. You hold in... more than you should. I know that you're holding this in and you're strong enough to make it seem like nothing is going on, but I see what's underneath. I can see that you're having a hard time and God, it kills me to know it's my fault. Trust me, I cried myself to sleep last night too babe."

I resisted the urge to get closer to him; I just wanted to let him hold me and have all of this done with. I didn't though, because should I let my emotions completely overrun me, things between us would never be the same. I needed his trust back.

"Mark, I..." didn't know what to say.

"Val," he began. The phone that sat on his desk rang, cutting him off. He shook his head and held both my hands in his until I pulled back.

"Don't ignore it," I said, "It could be important."

"Not as important as you," he said as he got up and went to his desk.

Or the other woman you slept with, I thought.

He picked up his phone from the front of the desk and held it at an awkward angle to make the cord reach him. I question how he could have possibly made it through medical school when he does senseless things like that.

"Dr. Mark Stone," he answered mechanically.

I got up off the table and stood, watching him silently with my arms crossed.
The person on the other end replied and he said, "Hey." A longer pause and then, "Yeah," he looked over at me, "I am."

I gave him an exasperated look and shook my head no.

"Yeah, but she's forcing me to work," he said back into the phone as if we weren't just talking about anything important... Another pause and then a sigh. "Alright, have Toomey down there and scrubbed in in five." Short pause. "Alright, thanks. Bye."

He went over to the couch and my gaze followed him. He took off his shirt again, found his wife beater, and pulled it over his head before replacing his scrubs. Only then did he turn to me once more.

I spoke first. "Relax. Go do your job. Is it quick? I'll wait for you here."

"Bullet in the leg. No biggie."

"I'll be here then."

He went over to his desk, grabbed something, then threw it at me. "TV's right there," he said pointing to a small television that reminded me of the one I'd watch in the kitchen when I came home from high school. "I'll be back," he finished.

He started over subconsciously to kiss me goodbye and then realized and turned back to the door. He reached to open the door with a shaky right hand as he clenched his left into a fist, something he only did when he was angry.
"Mark," I called to him just as he was opening the door. He turned and I walled over to him. This time, I took his hands, "Calm down; you're shaking."

"I..." he started.

"Can't help anybody like this."

I looked down, holding his hands still in between mine. When I looked back up I kissed him, "Relax," I finished before motioning to the door.

He opened it and whispered a thanks before disappearing into the hall.