You want answers? Here they are.
"What's wrong Lani?" seems to be the question everyone asks me outside of Quibblo.
I bet right now, you're going 'WTH? Isn't her name Annemarie?'. Well it is, and it isn't. Let me explain.
A few weeks ago (about late October, early November), I found a box in the back of my closet when I was cleaning my room. It was with all of my stuff from when I was little, all the stuff that my mother's taking to Goodwill in a few weeks. I wondered what was in it, I mean, how often do you find an unlabled box in the back of your closet that you've never seen? Not that often. So I opended it, and I definately didn't like what I found.
In that box, I was told the truth. I, Lani Katelin Jones, am adopted. When I created this account, Annemarie was just a pretty name that I liked. A name that seemed to suit me. A name that I've always wanted. But that was the name I was born with. The name that, if my real parents didn't put me up for adoption, would be my name.
I haven't told my fake (for lack of a better word) parents that I found out. They don't need to know that I know. But there must be some reason, something wrong with me, that they had to give me up.
Maybe they knew I was doomed to be ugly. Maybe they knew that I was doomed to be average. Maybe they couldn't handle me. Maybe I'm just unloveable.
It's not like they got rid of me from the day I was born. They had me for two years before they gave me up. Two years, and then they desided it was over. And they gave me up,and I went from Annemarie, the only child from Downtown Philidelphia to Lani, the girl with three brothers living in the suburbs. It's like I became a diffrent person. And now I'm not sure who I am, who I was ment to be. The worst part though? No one told me. My mother and father kept it a secret, and so did Sam and Andrew. Harry wasn't even alive when it happend so I can't blame him. But someone probably bothered to tell him. It's like they forgot to tell me something about myself, like it doens't even matter.
And I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of pretending that I'm strong enough to deal with the fact that I don't know myself anymore. I'm not strong, I'm not brave. I'm not any of those things. I'm sick of everyone lieing to my face about everything. So there you go. That's why I'm not a huge bundle of rainbow doublecorns drinking sunshine and pooping Skittles.
I bet right now, you're going 'WTH? Isn't her name Annemarie?'. Well it is, and it isn't. Let me explain.
A few weeks ago (about late October, early November), I found a box in the back of my closet when I was cleaning my room. It was with all of my stuff from when I was little, all the stuff that my mother's taking to Goodwill in a few weeks. I wondered what was in it, I mean, how often do you find an unlabled box in the back of your closet that you've never seen? Not that often. So I opended it, and I definately didn't like what I found.
In that box, I was told the truth. I, Lani Katelin Jones, am adopted. When I created this account, Annemarie was just a pretty name that I liked. A name that seemed to suit me. A name that I've always wanted. But that was the name I was born with. The name that, if my real parents didn't put me up for adoption, would be my name.
I haven't told my fake (for lack of a better word) parents that I found out. They don't need to know that I know. But there must be some reason, something wrong with me, that they had to give me up.
Maybe they knew I was doomed to be ugly. Maybe they knew that I was doomed to be average. Maybe they couldn't handle me. Maybe I'm just unloveable.
It's not like they got rid of me from the day I was born. They had me for two years before they gave me up. Two years, and then they desided it was over. And they gave me up,and I went from Annemarie, the only child from Downtown Philidelphia to Lani, the girl with three brothers living in the suburbs. It's like I became a diffrent person. And now I'm not sure who I am, who I was ment to be. The worst part though? No one told me. My mother and father kept it a secret, and so did Sam and Andrew. Harry wasn't even alive when it happend so I can't blame him. But someone probably bothered to tell him. It's like they forgot to tell me something about myself, like it doens't even matter.
And I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of pretending that I'm strong enough to deal with the fact that I don't know myself anymore. I'm not strong, I'm not brave. I'm not any of those things. I'm sick of everyone lieing to my face about everything. So there you go. That's why I'm not a huge bundle of rainbow doublecorns drinking sunshine and pooping Skittles.
23 Comments
gee im srry
umm......wow.....just wow......if u need 2 talk im 4 u
That must suck. But, don't blame yourself for getting put up for adoption. It's not your fault. If your real parents thought it was about you than they're fooling themselves.
I think you should talk to your adoptive parents. Maybe they know what you are looking for. Why they hid it? Why you were put up for adoption? I have had adopted family and they did this and it helped them...
Annemarie -
You need to tell them that you found it. And Lani isn't your name. Your Annemarie. Always have been, always will be. Don't blame yourself. Because I'd bet my life that those are none of the reasons they put you up for adoption. You're too sweet for any of that. Love you. Always have, always will.
Kenzie
I.. I know how you feel..
I'm adopted to. Secrets hidden from me my entire life. My name: Gracelynn Marcella transferred to: Grace Marcella. So now I live in a world of lies...
hugs I'm here for you..
Tell your adoptive parents. And don't not know who you are because of that- you are who you are. Who your parents are doesn't change any of it.
If you ever need to talk, message me. I'm here for you.
That sucks. (Before I continue, it's bicorn, not doublecorn.) But, there're plenty of adopted kids at my school. Annemarie, you don't even know the full reason. They could've been unable to care for you, or didn't feel like you were safe. You're not ugly. You're not fat. No one, and I mean no one, would give up a child for those reasons, and you know that. You should talk to your parents and find out about all this. That's the best thing to do.
Annemarie,
You should tell them. Ask them why they hide it. Maybe you could contact your biological parents and talk to them too. Ask them questions. That's what my sisters friend did. Don't blame yourself. They didn't put you up for adoption because they didn't like you. Or something like that. They dis it because the thought it was better for you. Trust me I know. Like Kenzie said, you are Annemarie not Lani. You will always be Annemarie. Love you forever no matter what,
Emma
i'm always here if you need to talk sweetie