Heart Without A Beat

Based on a true story
Heart Without A Beat
I stared at myself in the bathroom full body sized mirror. My murky blue eyed, frizzy dirt brown haired, pale skinned, self looked back right at me. I hated what I saw. Ever since three years ago, I've hated what I saw. I then turned sideways to the mirror. My hand ran over my stomach where my light blue tank top was hiding it. I still felt a bump, I could still see he bump. No mater how many days I went without eating, no matter how many times I made myself spit out the food in my stomach, no matter how much I exercised, I was still fat.
My face twisted with disgust at myself. I needed to try harder. If I didn't, people would make fun at me even more. Nobody noticed if I was losing weight or not anyways, I was still the school loser. For three months ever since I started this new school, in a new state, away from my friends and family, I was marked as the loser. I didn't know what I did, I just came and they decided to pick on me. Was I really that ugly? Was I really that stupid? Obviously I was for someone to label me that quickly.
Sighing, I walked out of the bathroom to come face to face with my step-dad.
“What took you so long,” he demanded me “Don't you know I have to get ready to go to law school? It's not like you need to spend that much time on your hair and you don't wear makeup, so what's the point of being in there so long?!” Without a sound, I side stepped away from the door and let him stomp in there. Yes, it is true, I'm fifteen years old and my parents don't let me wear makeup. Maybe that's why the kids at school make fun of me.
I sighed as I grabbed my house key, backpack and headed out the door to walk to school. As my black converse slapped the concrete in the chilly morning air, my thoughts started drifting to stuff I actually liked about my life. Like a few weeks ago, I tried out for the school musical (by the way they're doing Alice in Wonderland) just a few weeks ago. I was told that we'd be pulled out of class if we got a call back, and we'd do them during school. I knew I wasn't going to get a major part, because I can't sing, but I think I'd still have fun doing it. Before I knew it, I was at school.
School. Just the word made me want to go crawl and die in a hole. School was my he'll, but hey, it didn't matter because I was just a kid and I didn't have a say if I wanted to be home schooled or switched to another or not. I quickly went into the school before anybody could see me and got to class.
It was during drama class when I actually got a ray of hope. To prove myself to my parents that I'm not a useless being that can't do that anything. It was call backs to the musical. I had actually done something that I was good at.
When I got down to the choir room for call backs, I had found out it was for the White Rabbit. I was pretty confused, though, because I have a horrible singing voice, but I did it anyways. Not able to tell what the 'judge's' expression, I quickly walked out of there before I could be informed about how horrible I did.
As I walked back to class, I was tripped by some straggling students in the hallway along with being called a number of different names. I found out log ago just to not say anything and just walk away. I tried to inform the school, but of course they said they'd 'talk' to the students and it would eventually go away. Well guess what? They didn't talk to them, nor did the teasing 'go away'. If anything, it just go worse.
Thankfully school ended and I was on my home. I actually felt happy today. I actually did something good, I got a callback! Even though I knew I probably won't go anywhere past that, I actually accomplished something! I was never good in school, or anything that had to school. Wait, scratch that, I wasn't good at anything. I knew I was just failure in my parents eyes. Maybe now that I did something good and right, my parents will be proud of me. For once.
When I walked though the door, I saw my mother sitting on the leather couch watching some home improvement TV show. I smiled and quickly walked over so I was next to her and said “Mom, guess what happened today in school?” He eyes quickly flickered to me before going back to the TV and she asking in a bored tone “What?”
“I got a call back!” I was practically jumping up and down, but Mom's eyes were still fixed on the TV as she asked “What's a callback?”
“You know when you try out for a play, they have callbacks to shorten the list of people the want to be a certain character until they pick who they want. I got one! This means I could possibly get the role of the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland!” Mom's eyes suddenly went cold as her eyes snapped to me.
“Oh no you're not,” she said to me in a cold voice “Unless you get your grades up in the three classes your failing, I don't want you anywhere near that play. You hear me? You won't be doing anything for a long time unless you do. Now leave me alone and go do your homework.” I stepped back from my mom. Tears where coming to eyes, but I was pushing them down. I can never show emotions in front of my parents, unless I wanted to scolded.
She wasn't proud of me? Not even happy? She didn't even give me a congratulation! What happened t my mom? She used to be used to be proud of me at whatever I did, and ever since she married Kevin, she had become some mean, cruel monster!I slowly backed away before sauntering into my room. I didn't bother to turn on the lights, I dropped my bag onto the floor before falling onto my bed and letting the tears that I had been holding back, fall freely without anyone knowing.
…
By the time I was done crying, my mom was gone, meaning that she and Kevin had gone out to dinner. I didn't care though, I didn't eat anyways, I only rank fluids (I.e coke, water, lemonade ect.). I walked out of my room and grabbed a coke from the fridge before sitting on the couch. I flipped through channels before setting for some cheesy Disney show. I haven't even started homework, but I didn't care anymore. No matter what I tried, I couldn't get my parents to like me, or be proud of me. There was just no point anymore.
That's when I heard two car doors slam outside. I sighed as I threw away my empty coke can in the indoor recycling and turned off the TV. All the while ignoring the growing pains in my stomach for not eating for two whole weeks straight. I was about to hurry into my room before my parents got into the house. Even though I was close to succeeding, I wasn't close enough to.
“Where do you think you going,” Kevin's voice stopped me as my hand rested on the doorknob leading into my only sanctuary from the world. Putting on my no emotion mask as I turned around to face Kevin and Mom and said in a monotone voice “My bedroom.”
“Have you finished your homework,” Mom asked me.
“Not yet,” I muttered, casting my eyes downward, knowing that lying would get me nowhere with my parents, because they'd eventually find out I didn't do it.
“See this is what I'm taking about,” Kevin then said “You never do anything that's important. You just hide in your room all day sitting on your a(ss) and playing on the computer. This is going to get you nowhere in life! You're a failure, you realize this?! You're just a sad excuse for a daughter!” Before I could even open my mouth to reply, he said “You know what, just go to your room and do whatever you do. I don't want to see you anymore.” With that, Mom and Kevin left the hallway. I stood there a moment before walking in.
New tears where running down my face. I really needed someone to talk to, but who? Whenever I try to contact my friends from my old home, they either don't answer and never call back, or tell me they're busy, but they'll call me back later, but never do. Even though I know they try to contact me, I checked my phone anyways. It had been collecting dust from never being used and just sitting there on the shelf, forever to be left on the charger. Of course I had no missed calls or text messages.
Knowing I was just going on false hope, I got onto the computer to check my Facebook to see if anybody messaged me. Of course, they didn't. I was about to get off, but that's when I saw it. All those people from school had posted on my wall and hacked into my account. They wrote mean words on there, calling me a whore, loser, slut, ugly, fat. Then also the hacked ones was saying that I had STD's and I did naughty things. This brought a new flood of tears down my face. This is the worst they've ever done. I just felt myself shatter. I picked up my phone and clicked the number of my best friend to call her.
“Hey this is Sammy, sorry I can't come to the phone, but if you leave your name, number and message after the beep, I'll get back to you ASAP,” I heard my best friends voice mail come on after a few rings.
“Hey Sam,” I said, leaving her a message, my words every so often stuttering “It's me. Um, I just really need someone to talk to right now. I know we don't talk anymore, but I want you know you're still my best friend and that I love you like the sister I never had. I.... I just... I miss you.” I whispered the last part before hanging up. I knew she wasn't going to call me back. She never does. Why did I even try? Nobody likes me and everybody was just pretending back there at my old home. I know they where, because if they really cared about me, they'd at least try to call me back.
I just can't take it anymore, the pain, the suffering, being not good enough, being teased. It's just too much. I quietly slipped out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I stood there and looked at my reflection. I was hallow eyed and my face and eyes were stained red from the hot tears that were still pouring down my face. I was born ugly, and I'm going to die ugly.
While filling up the extra cup we kept in there, I opened the mirror cabinet were we kept all the medication. Since Mom had some kind of sickness, there were tons off pill bottles, grabbing some (or a lot) from each bottle, I then started popping them in my mouth. I didn't know how much I took, but it was helping with the pain. Every pain, my emotional pain, my physical pain, even my mental pain. It was all slowly fading.
The last thing I remembered was the glass cup falling, shattering onto the tile floor, and me with my shattered soul falling with it.
The End