harry potter: a new generation
k this is after harry potter beats voldemorty its a few years later maybe i think soooo lets get on with it shall we?
it was a nice morning and i awoke with a smile my name is fatal "Fate" fear as i came down the stairs i thought i was forgetting something i frowned as i struggled to remember what i had forgotten my mother (shes a muggle-born) smiled at me 'whats wrong fate?' she asked with her soft silky voice 'oh i just think i forgot something," i said "something important." "oh well hurry up and eat your breakfast we have to get your supplies today." "what supplies?" i asked raising an eyebrow "your HOGWARTS supplies!" "oh unicorn turds!" i groaned "how could i forget?"
a couple of hours later
we had arrived at diagon alley i look at my list of stationary and assorted supplies 'well fate, your dad has bought your books already as well as your crystal phials, cauldron, telescope and scales so we'll go to madam malkin's then go buy your wand."
getting fitted for all my robes and things was a blur then i came to ollivanders and time seemed to slow down i was so exicted i couldnt hold in a delighted squeal as i entered the wand shop "hello there" mr ollivander said appearing from nowhere "Holy dragon bogeys!" i shouted in surprise. mum glared at me but ollivander just chuckled "well lets start trying some wands." i tried so many wands it wasnt funny after only a few minutes there were piles of wands all around the shop "curious" murmured ollivander "well lets try this one should we?, no no no it just wont do, oh i suppose we could." he argued with himself like this for a while then he finally decided to hand me a fantastic looking black wand "an experiment on my part" he told me "ebony and thestral-tail-hair, thirteen inches perfect for cursework." "thestral hair? i thought you didnt make wands like that." my mum asked. "well i usually dont but this is an experiment." he told her as if that was all the explanation that was needed as he handed it to me. i held it up and stared in awe as i gave it a wave destructive black rings immediatly encircled the room leaving scorch marks on whatever they touched then disapeared. "this is definatly the one." ollivander said "that will be 50 galleons." "what?!" my mum shouted "well it is very dangerous to try collecting thestral tail hair i have expences you know!" "ok ok" my mum grumbled as she dumped most of the contents of her purse on the counter. As we left i spotted dad he held up two things: a a cage with a black and silver owl with stunning saphire eyes inside and a very large and thick book, the cover read curses: a guide on how to perform them and how to undo them. "dad have i ever told you how much i love you?" i said hugging him "phobos you shouldnt encourage him" my over-protective mother almost snarled."well he should live up to his family name!" dad exclaimed, mum just sighed and told me to have a look-around diagon alley with dad. we decided to go to the broom shop first on the way we discussed some names for my owl we decided on Deimos (after the greek god of terror)
when in the shop we looked around "bah! these brooms are nothing compared to the silver arrow!" my dad boasted i agreed "it dosnt matter how fast you can go just how much skill have." (i really loved my silver arrow at home). at home i studied up on curses i admit my dad lost his hair hundreds maybe thousands of times (man i love that hair-loss curse) , and helped my dad make his potions (he makes them for a living) and even invent a couple of new ones there was one that let you create your own harmless fireworks at will (i doubt that effect will ever wear off) one that turned your hair bubblegum pink for hours and one that gave the worst boils anyone has ever seen (luckily puking up the potion made them go away) i was so excited to go to hogwarts even though i didnt get to go for another whole month.
ok heres a little character profile for fate
name: fatal "fate" fear
age:11
birthday: 29 february (he was born on a leap year so technically hes nearly three)
wand: ebony 13 inches thestral tail hair
blood status:half-blood (pure-blood dad muggle-born mum)
other stuff that i may not have mentioned this chapter: has an addiciton to felix felicis is part veela from great(X7) grandmother
nationality:irish/english
hair colour:black
skin:pale
eye colour:blue-green
a couple of hours later
we had arrived at diagon alley i look at my list of stationary and assorted supplies 'well fate, your dad has bought your books already as well as your crystal phials, cauldron, telescope and scales so we'll go to madam malkin's then go buy your wand."
getting fitted for all my robes and things was a blur then i came to ollivanders and time seemed to slow down i was so exicted i couldnt hold in a delighted squeal as i entered the wand shop "hello there" mr ollivander said appearing from nowhere "Holy dragon bogeys!" i shouted in surprise. mum glared at me but ollivander just chuckled "well lets start trying some wands." i tried so many wands it wasnt funny after only a few minutes there were piles of wands all around the shop "curious" murmured ollivander "well lets try this one should we?, no no no it just wont do, oh i suppose we could." he argued with himself like this for a while then he finally decided to hand me a fantastic looking black wand "an experiment on my part" he told me "ebony and thestral-tail-hair, thirteen inches perfect for cursework." "thestral hair? i thought you didnt make wands like that." my mum asked. "well i usually dont but this is an experiment." he told her as if that was all the explanation that was needed as he handed it to me. i held it up and stared in awe as i gave it a wave destructive black rings immediatly encircled the room leaving scorch marks on whatever they touched then disapeared. "this is definatly the one." ollivander said "that will be 50 galleons." "what?!" my mum shouted "well it is very dangerous to try collecting thestral tail hair i have expences you know!" "ok ok" my mum grumbled as she dumped most of the contents of her purse on the counter. As we left i spotted dad he held up two things: a a cage with a black and silver owl with stunning saphire eyes inside and a very large and thick book, the cover read curses: a guide on how to perform them and how to undo them. "dad have i ever told you how much i love you?" i said hugging him "phobos you shouldnt encourage him" my over-protective mother almost snarled."well he should live up to his family name!" dad exclaimed, mum just sighed and told me to have a look-around diagon alley with dad. we decided to go to the broom shop first on the way we discussed some names for my owl we decided on Deimos (after the greek god of terror)
when in the shop we looked around "bah! these brooms are nothing compared to the silver arrow!" my dad boasted i agreed "it dosnt matter how fast you can go just how much skill have." (i really loved my silver arrow at home). at home i studied up on curses i admit my dad lost his hair hundreds maybe thousands of times (man i love that hair-loss curse) , and helped my dad make his potions (he makes them for a living) and even invent a couple of new ones there was one that let you create your own harmless fireworks at will (i doubt that effect will ever wear off) one that turned your hair bubblegum pink for hours and one that gave the worst boils anyone has ever seen (luckily puking up the potion made them go away) i was so excited to go to hogwarts even though i didnt get to go for another whole month.
ok heres a little character profile for fate
name: fatal "fate" fear
age:11
birthday: 29 february (he was born on a leap year so technically hes nearly three)
wand: ebony 13 inches thestral tail hair
blood status:half-blood (pure-blood dad muggle-born mum)
other stuff that i may not have mentioned this chapter: has an addiciton to felix felicis is part veela from great(X7) grandmother
nationality:irish/english
hair colour:black
skin:pale
eye colour:blue-green
10 Comments
You desperately need punctuation and capitalization, especially at the first part of the story. It's a bit uneven and sudden, both as the story starts, and as it progresses. It needs a bit of editing to smooth it out. This could be really really good, but it needs a bit of help.
Perhaps something like this:
I awoke with a smile that day. It was a splendid morning, and I went downstairs in no hurry. My name is Fear Fate, and I'm eleven years old. Well, my first name is acutally Fatal Fate, but Fear has a better ring to it...As I made my way to the kitchen, I frowned as I realized I had forgotten something. While I struggled to remember what it was I had forgotten, I entered the kitchen, where my mother was (cooking breakfast? waiting for him? add something here).
"Hello, Fate," she greeted in her silky soft voice. She caught sight of my face, and asked: "What's wrong, dear/Fate/son/etc.?" she asked.
"I don't know. I think I've forgotten something important."
"I'm sure you'll remember it soon enough. Here, hurry and eat your breakfast before it gets cold--and we'll have to go out to get your school supplies today."
"School supplies?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, your things for Hogwarts!" she reminded me.
"Oh great/perfect/etc., how could I forget?"
Awesome name! Fate... yep definitely awesome!! However, it would really help if you put some punctuation in. Even just a tiny bit :)
awsome!
Really cool :D
i love you Jow, but seriously, you have a grammar problem! anyhowz i think its gonna be great.
nice name! fate, but really, its either u start learning grammar,or never write a sroy for as long as u live!!
the plot is great!
you have a lot of errors...but never mind!
you will get improved, as long as you practice=D
Oh yeah I'm in the story!! I laughed when I said I was a klutz 'cus hat happens all the time!