Imma Bored So Here Are Some Blonde Jokes

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!"
The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".


Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?", queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"


A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her "What happened?"
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The person called back."


Q. What does a blonde and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.


Things blondes have invented...
1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade


Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A: Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.


A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!" The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"


Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland, when one of the blondes read the sign, "Disneyland left". So they went home...


There was a dumb blonde out on a rowboat one day in the middle of a wheat field. Then another dumb blonde drives by and yells to the one in a rowboat, "It's people like you that give us a bad name!! And if I could swim I would go out there to kick your butt!!!


One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car.
"If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned.
"Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the
husband countered.
"Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!"


It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.


A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."


Panting and perspiring, two blondes on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a steep hill.
"That was a steep climb," said the first blonde.
"It certainly was," replied the second. "It's a good thing we kept the brake on so we wouldn't have slid backwards."


A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


A Blonde called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows". The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."


There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.
When the contractor comes to her house they do a walk-through and he asks her what colors she would like. When they come to the living room, she tolls him that she would like a nice and warm cream color.
The contractor writes something down on his pad then walks to the window and yells "Greenside up."
The lady gets a little confused, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark."
The contractor writes something down on his pad again , then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!"
The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here."
The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up." The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?"
The contractor replies, "Well, if you look across the street, I have four blondes laying sod in your neighbours yard."


One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."
The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"
"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"
“Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.


A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."


There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..."
A blonde came up to her and said, "That looks like fun, can I try?"
The brunette said, "Sure."
So the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."
"Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street."
So the blonde said, "OK." and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."


Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.


This blonde walked into a party store and asked the cashier if he had a hanger or something to unlock her car because she locked her keys in the car. He nodded and handed her a hanger. She thanked him and went outside to set to work. A little while later the cashier decided to check on her and saw her working at it and another blonde in the car was saying "a little to the left...no, a little to the right..."


Why did the blonde have square b00bs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.


A blonde, brunette and redhead passed away in a car accident.

They arrive at the pearly gates and they are told they will be told a joke every 10 steps and they must make it up 100 steps. If they laugh they will not able to get in.
The brunette went up 30 steps and laughed. The redhead went up 50 steps and laughed. The blonde got up all the way to the top and then started laughing hysterically.
When asked "Why did you laugh when you got to the top?" The blonde replied, "I just got the first joke!"


There was a Blonde and her husband.
One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.
When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"
The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."


Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"


Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought


A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.


Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: She was throwing all the W's away.


Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.


Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".


Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.


Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl


Q: A one armed blonde is hanging from a tree. How can you make her fall?
A: You wave at her!


Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a flash light in her ears


Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.


Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.


Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.


Q. Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
A. In case she had to draw some blood


Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.


Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.


Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.


Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.


Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a bumper sticker that said, "ALL BLONDES AREN'T DUMB"?
A: No one could read it because it was hung upside-down.


Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
A: Because it said "Concentrate"


Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her


Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.


Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.


Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.