I Hate My Life.
This is something that i started to write, and i really needed to get out of my chest. Try not to judge me. This is part of the reason that i do not write stories anymore. When i do i have this bipolar moment when all i want to do is write depressing things and than all i want to do is write happy things.
My life is too messed up still, so for now i will not let others read my work.
Do not comment if you are going to tell me that your sorry my life is this messed up, because honestly so am i and that doesn't helpt :\
I'm depressed all the time, and that is not healthy for a 16 year old girl. my family is a mess and all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, and that is exacly what i am doing right now. I'm in the bathroom on the floor typing in my phone and feeling like i should die.
I hate my life, the people in it, the friends that i can't talk to because i am always changing schools, or moving, or can't talk to them. I hate my family, the way that they fight all the time, and the way that they get me in the middle of everything. Most of all i hate myself. My eyes, my nose, my face, my glasses, the way i speak and the way i dress, and the way that i act. Sometimes i cry just because of the way i am and that sucks.
I didn't ask for the bigger house, I loved my appartment. I wanted my mom to be happy of course i just did not know that, it would mean my own happiness.
I want to yell at my friends sometimes. I mean, I have lots of friends but they all stop talking to me, or just can't and i know that it is my fault for leaving but at the same time i did not want to go.
Last year when i started 9th grade i liked this guy, and the only reason why we would not be together was because i was moving. We still talk and were great friends and i know that if we had lived closer and still gone to the same school we would have had a better chance. we had to time to connect. I already knew in the summer of my 8th grade that i was leaving and that if i'd gottan to know him more i would have just gotten my heart broken even more.
I hate being the new kid because the others judge me for everything. I know that my sophomore year was my hardest by far! i used to go home and just cry my heart out in my room, because i missed me.
I missed taking the train with the guy that i liked, and i missed being able to meet with my friends and run to the school in the morning because we both knew that the train got delayed and the school wouldn't care. I miss being able to take the A train from 207 to145 and make a transfer to the C or D from there to 135 or even walk from 145 to 135 with friends if we met at the platform. I miss that independence, that choice that i once had and that i had grown accostumed to was taken away from me once i moved. I miss being asked out by a guy to a cafe and him telling me that kids with talent go there and that he worked there and that i was welcomed any time.
This year i even liked a guy in one of my classes, and for a time i thought that he liked me back but i did not get around to know. I knew that it would have never worked because his life is perfect, and i do not want to be that charity case that he was so proud of. I knew that i was going to more yet again and i was not going to let my heart get shattered. again.
I made sure than to always focus all my attention on someone else, another guy that was cute enough to look at while my mind wanted to go after the one that i really wanted to be with. I didn't want to cry in the middle of the night for something that could never be, and that was why i stopped. I did not tell him how i felt.
My parents less than a year later dropped another bomb on us. They told us that we were going to move again and that the house we were getting was not close enough to the school that we were currently going to. I flipped! I had made enough effort into meeting more people and creating friends, but it was a hard job this one. I did not want to have to do it all over again with the risk that i would not have lunch with anyone and be all alone.
I'm tired of having to make friends with people that will judge no matter what, and again in a school where it feels like everyone is in a clicke and if i am not like them than i am not going to make friends with them.
I want to be able to go on a date with someone without feeling like i should hold back on who i really am. I want to get to know people, and they like me for me and not the mask that has to easily molded into my face.
I can honestly say that no one knew the real me, only the girl i was acting like.
On the Last Day of school i did not want to go, some trouble with a friend had presented itself and all i wanted to do was get away from it. I already knew it was my fault, i didn't need to feel worst than i already did about it, and my moving which had just happened and i was not used to it at all! however the thought of leaving the school with a friend hating me felt even worst.
I was tired of having to say Good-bye, it pains me everyday. The people that i leave behind do not even realize half of it.
Pieces-Rascal Flatts
My broken hearts been shattered
One too many times.
Baby, please release me
let my heart rest .. in pieces
...
Thats just how i feel.
I'm depressed all the time, and that is not healthy for a 16 year old girl. my family is a mess and all i want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, and that is exacly what i am doing right now. I'm in the bathroom on the floor typing in my phone and feeling like i should die.
I hate my life, the people in it, the friends that i can't talk to because i am always changing schools, or moving, or can't talk to them. I hate my family, the way that they fight all the time, and the way that they get me in the middle of everything. Most of all i hate myself. My eyes, my nose, my face, my glasses, the way i speak and the way i dress, and the way that i act. Sometimes i cry just because of the way i am and that sucks.
I didn't ask for the bigger house, I loved my appartment. I wanted my mom to be happy of course i just did not know that, it would mean my own happiness.
I want to yell at my friends sometimes. I mean, I have lots of friends but they all stop talking to me, or just can't and i know that it is my fault for leaving but at the same time i did not want to go.
Last year when i started 9th grade i liked this guy, and the only reason why we would not be together was because i was moving. We still talk and were great friends and i know that if we had lived closer and still gone to the same school we would have had a better chance. we had to time to connect. I already knew in the summer of my 8th grade that i was leaving and that if i'd gottan to know him more i would have just gotten my heart broken even more.
I hate being the new kid because the others judge me for everything. I know that my sophomore year was my hardest by far! i used to go home and just cry my heart out in my room, because i missed me.
I missed taking the train with the guy that i liked, and i missed being able to meet with my friends and run to the school in the morning because we both knew that the train got delayed and the school wouldn't care. I miss being able to take the A train from 207 to145 and make a transfer to the C or D from there to 135 or even walk from 145 to 135 with friends if we met at the platform. I miss that independence, that choice that i once had and that i had grown accostumed to was taken away from me once i moved. I miss being asked out by a guy to a cafe and him telling me that kids with talent go there and that he worked there and that i was welcomed any time.
This year i even liked a guy in one of my classes, and for a time i thought that he liked me back but i did not get around to know. I knew that it would have never worked because his life is perfect, and i do not want to be that charity case that he was so proud of. I knew that i was going to more yet again and i was not going to let my heart get shattered. again.
I made sure than to always focus all my attention on someone else, another guy that was cute enough to look at while my mind wanted to go after the one that i really wanted to be with. I didn't want to cry in the middle of the night for something that could never be, and that was why i stopped. I did not tell him how i felt.
My parents less than a year later dropped another bomb on us. They told us that we were going to move again and that the house we were getting was not close enough to the school that we were currently going to. I flipped! I had made enough effort into meeting more people and creating friends, but it was a hard job this one. I did not want to have to do it all over again with the risk that i would not have lunch with anyone and be all alone.
I'm tired of having to make friends with people that will judge no matter what, and again in a school where it feels like everyone is in a clicke and if i am not like them than i am not going to make friends with them.
I want to be able to go on a date with someone without feeling like i should hold back on who i really am. I want to get to know people, and they like me for me and not the mask that has to easily molded into my face.
I can honestly say that no one knew the real me, only the girl i was acting like.
On the Last Day of school i did not want to go, some trouble with a friend had presented itself and all i wanted to do was get away from it. I already knew it was my fault, i didn't need to feel worst than i already did about it, and my moving which had just happened and i was not used to it at all! however the thought of leaving the school with a friend hating me felt even worst.
I was tired of having to say Good-bye, it pains me everyday. The people that i leave behind do not even realize half of it.
Pieces-Rascal Flatts
My broken hearts been shattered
One too many times.
Baby, please release me
let my heart rest .. in pieces
...
Thats just how i feel.
40 Comments
wow... you should be happy more often
The first step is to love yourself first. I don't mean you have to be vain or stuck-up, you just need to believe that you are a wonderful person. Focus on improving the talents you know you already have, rather than beating yourself up about everything you can't do. Every morning, remind yourself that you're beautiful, intelligent and kind.
If you can't bring yourself to believe these things, then at least stop saying to yourself, "I'm stupid", "I'm ugly", and things like that.
And start saying to yourself "I can be smart", "I can be pretty".
I'm afraid I can't help you a lot with your other problems, but I believe this is the first step to having a better life.
Love yourself first.
~Ripple
You really need to realise that its not as bad as you're making it seem to yourself right now. I was in your place at the start of last year. I hated my body, my face, my family, my life. But you know what? People have it worse. So I looked in the mirror and I said Get Over It Dayna. And I did. Life is way too short for crying over nothing. So, get over it. And I don't mean that in a cruel way, you said it yourself: Don't feel sorry for me. Well, I don't, so don't worry...
...about it. I get it if you're religious and believe that theres life after death and all, but I can tell you right now, thats nothing to look forward to. Life is great, and I'm so sick of ignorant people wasting it. Get up. Go outside. Don't tell me I don't understand because I do. The only difference is I'm brave. I hate crying. It makes me feel weak, which is something I am NOT.
I have been through some crazy siht, believe me, my parents hate each other and divorced long ago, I have had a
traumatic childhood, things I won't even get in to. Those of you who are all like: Oh Dayna whoah why didn't you tell me I had no idea well maybe thats because I'm not an attention whore? I'm sorry but I don't talk about it because its irrelevant. I look in the mirror now, and I go, okay, so maybe I'm not perfect. Maybe I'm not skinny and perfect, maybe I'm not gorgeous, maybe I'm not perfect: BUT I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. Because I see how beautiful I am after I look. And I get over it...
...pretty frickin' quickly. This year I have really gotten in to writing, and decided I want to be a writer. I want to be a writer, a dress designer, and a photographer, and even an actress if I can, because I HAVE A PASSION. This year, I found my BEST friends, who are Madi Amanda and Ash, and I ditched all of the bitches who mistreated me. I gained respect for myself. AND EVERY TIME I HAVE A SIHTTY DAY I TELL MYSELF AS SOON AS I'M EIGHTEEN ALL OF THIS SIHT WILL BE OVER!...
...because you know what? It will. I'm not shunning the non-believers, but, well, I've been through much more than teenager heartbreak bullsiht, believe me. You moved? I've moved. Five times and counting. So take a look in the mirror, and know that even though we're pretty bitchy and gruff, there are people out there who care for you. Like me. I'm always here if you wanna talk, just don't bring me down, k? :) Sorry for that, I had to get it out. Maybe even try...
....taking my self esteem quiz (find it in my quizzes, ask around, it works.) But please, for goodness sake, pick up your act. This made my friend cry; shes had her last house burnt down, a family member lost, a family member with cancer, and divorced parents in the last five years. This made her mad. She hates people who have it good and don't know it. I'm sorry if I came off rough, but, well, I am rough. And if my friends are worthy, they get to love it. Once again....
...I give my apologies that you feel this way, but life isn't that terrible, okay? :) Fell free to message me, I'd really like to be friends if you'll put up with me. :)
Oh, and by the way, I'm thirteen years old. Hows that for maturity and insight?