Secrets in Seattle

"Would you just tell me why you brought me up here, Kyle?" I pestered, half annoyed, half amused.

"Like I said-I want to talk to you," he murmured in a husky voice. His light brown hair ruffled in the wind, the only moving thing about him.

"Talk then," I muttered, slightly distracted because I wanted to run my hands through his hair, wondering if it felt as soft as it looked. I shook my head, trying to clear my muddled thoughts.

Kyle had been my best friend since third grade when he defended me from a bunch of bullies about my funky haircut. My mom had told the hair dresser I just wanted a few inches trimmed off my long, strraight back hair, but she cut it down until it barely cleared my neck. The older kids had teased me until I was on the verge of tears, but then he saw what was happening and broke in, yelling nasty names and punching faces.

Back then, boys still had cooties, but he was nice, and we gradually grew closer until he was my best friend, and I was his. Even though I sometimes wished for more than that, but not until he was ready.

Now, the night after our graduation, he had dragged me up to the roof of the space needle overlooking Seattle. Why he would want to come up here on such a cold, windy night was beyond me, but the cold didn't seem to bother him. He was sitting back, looking tense-very unusual for him.He was always relaxed and joking around.

He'd said he wanted to talk to me privately a few minutes ago in the middle of our graduation party, so we'd snuck off to come out here. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, and Kyle looked at me in concern, as though only just noticing my discomfort.

"Here," he whispered in a rough voice, sounding not quite like himself. He was shrugging out of his black seahawks jacket and offering it to me. I started to protest that he'd freeze, and I'd be fine, but he'd already scooted closer-much closer-and wrapped it around my shoulders. Our eyes met, and I forgot why I wanted to protest as a tingle of electricty shivered down my spine.

Things had been this way since we started middle school together. I got over cooties, and he got taller and stronger. We were no longer in every class together, and me missing him made me realize my true feelings, although I have successfully hidden them from Kyle.

Now, as he stared into my eyes, dark blue into soft brown, I thought I saw something stir in his eyes similar to what I felt. But before I could hope he might feel the same, he broke eye contact and slid a few inches away. I felt his absence like a glacial wind, and I longed to slide closer, but I was scared that would make things worse. So I stayed where I was,curling my legs up and wrapping my arms around them to rest my chin on my knees and trying to keep the sadness out of my eyes. I swept my dark hair around, trying to provide some measure of cover from what I was sure was a pained expression.

He put his finger under my chin, coaxing my face up so he could see my expression. His brow creased, and he used one finger to push up a corner of my mouth half-heartedly. His finger on my lips made my heart flip-fop, and I was glad he couldn't tell. My heart was always trying to betray me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, clearly pained at my pain.

I sighed-I hated lying, especially to him. But...I just couldn't tell him. "I guess I'm just going to miss my family, once I leave." I smiled sadly. "I know I'll miss you." Then I wanted to smack myself for saying that. Even though I would miss him when I left for college tomorrow, if I kept talking like that I was sure to slip up.

"Yeah, I'll miss you too, Megs." He sounded sad, and a bit hurt. Okay, I knew he didn't want me to leave for an out-of-state college, but Washington just didn't have the type of college I was looking for. So I was headed down to U.C. Davis, while he would stay here and attend Green River community college. I would miss him a lot, but I needed to see the world, and he wouldn't go with me. So for the first time ever, we would be going separate ways.

"Then come with me," I begged hopelessly, knowing he would say no, but hoping in spite of myself. I really didn't want to be away from him, for fear he would meet a girl in my absence.

He sighed almost angrily, and sounded frustrated when he said, "You know I can't. I would if I could, but I can't!" His harsh words triggered a sense of anguish in me, and I turned away so he wouldn't see me crying. I sniffed, then turned to see his horriffied expression at the moisture still trying to spill over.

"I'm so sorry," he said raggedly, wiping away a stray tear. Then he took my face in his hands so I couldn't look away as he spoke. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I would never intentionally hurt you. You know that, right?" His eyes pleaded for me to understand.

I barely managed a whispered, "Yes." This seemed to make him feel even worse.

"You know that, but...I'm not sure how much you know. That's why I brought you up here. I had to tell you something, before you went away forever. I wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was scared. I'm still scared. But I can't let you go away without telling you..." he broke off, and I jumped in while he took a deep breath.

"You know you can tell me anything," I said earnestly. "No matter what, it won't change anything. I'll still feel the same about you," I promised.

If only I'd known what I'd been promising!!

"Okay, but, I'm not sure you'll believe me. It's...insane. Even to me it doesn't make much sense." He took another deep breath, but he didn't seem able to go on. I placed my hand over his, trying to encourage him through touch. He glanced at our hands, then looked at me, seeming torn and confused.

Without thinking about it, I slid over until we were shoulder to shoulder, and our breath mingled. His spearmint-scented gum blew across my face, disturbing my thought processes. I inhaled deeply, leaning forward until we were almost nose to nose, and my eyes closed of their own accord.

The next thing I was aware of was a warm pressure against my lips, and his hands were cupping my face and knotting in my hair, holding me there, even though I had no desire to move away. One of my hands rested on his shoulder, the other stroking through his hair. It was smooth, and soft as bunny fur.

He angled his head and deepened the kiss, which was fine with me. My heart was racing and, despite the chilly winds, I felt suddenly burning hot. He pulled me onto his lap and cradled me against his chest, hugging my shoulders and stroking my hair the way I was stroking his.

"Hey guys, whatcha doin?" said my dad.