Habit

My hands shake as I write this.
My arm bleeds as I type this.
My skin crawls as I write this.
My tears fall as I type this.

This habit used to help.
It used to make the pain leave.
But now it only makes it worse.
Makes me want to die right here and now.

I haven't eaten in days,
Haven't slept in weeks.
My mind and thoughts in a haze.
My life just seems so bleak.

This pain in my chest hurts so bad.
It's so painful, becoming more than i can bare.
It makes me depressed and sad
when I see the skin I tear.

This habit is a bad one no doubt.
Makes me want to yell at the world, just scream and shout.
I know that I need help, surely I do.
But how can they help me, how can you?
You may not know it but I am scared. Surprised?
Maybe if you see it you'll be mesmerized.
I know I need to take better care of myself, that is what you say.
But you don't know how I feel each and every day.

I know my habit is very bad,
And I know it makes my parents sad,
And I know but you're just a young lad
You can't understand how this makes me so mad.

I wake up to the same thing every day.
Live through the same pain, hoping it'll go away.
I don't know when or why the cutting stop helping.
But still I do it, this habit is addicting.

I know that there are some that actually care.
But this pain really is more than I can bare.
And I know that good friends like you are rare.
But I know better than anyone, life's unfair.

I wish I didn't have this pain, sometimes I wish I was dead.
I wish it wasn't me in my place.
"No please stop, that's not what I said."

Threw the years of abuse, The years of pain.
My tears leak threw my closed eyes, and I'm drained.
And I never thought I would be brought to this.

I don't remember the last time I didn't feel this way.
I wish I didn't forget it, I'd thrown that all away.
I wish I could remember it, remember that day.
But here I sway
From reality into sanity,
Hoping that someone will catch me when I fall.
Wondering will these 'friends' even last at all.

And I know my habit is a bad one.
Don't remind me, it's a sad one.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly stop.
But I hope so, you don't know how much I want to stop.