The Things I'll Do For You (A Shane Dawson and Friends Fanfic. With that in mind you KNOW there'll be mature content. XP)

Attention female students, please refrain from giving birth in the girl's bathroom. Thank you.

The first announcement of the day on the PA system wasn't any more comforting than the meet-the-teacher day my mom had arranged.

I had walked in about five minutes late to find the teacher, Ms. Goldstein, drinking booze while sitting on her desk.
"You must be Aria Everhard." She took another sip of her booze.
"You're late." She threw the bottle out of the open window, and i heard the sound of a car alarm going off.
"Yeah, sorry, my mom woke up late." It was true. I was up at 6:30 that morning getting ready. She was up fifteen minutes before this, driving me to SD High in her pajamas, half-asleep. Ms. Goldstein shrugged.
"Whatever. I'm Ms. Goldstein, and i'll be your homeroom teacher for the year. Do you have any questions? I'll answer any kind of questions, really. Where to get a rape whistle, how to know if you have an STD, how a dick works."
"No, not really."
"Really? Cause I prepared diagrams and everything. Eh, too bad. Anything else you need?"
"No thanks, i'm good."
"Then go home, kid. I have things to do."

I took a deep breath and walked into SD high. I knew my way around pretty well; it wasn't a very big school. The first thing I noticed was a kid near my locker with blue eyes and swoopy emo hair talking on a cell phone.
"Mom, you know it's not legal for me to buy you beer! I don't care if they took away your ID last week, just get it yourself! It's not like they'd card you! You know what, goodbye." I started to laugh a little bit, and the boy turned to look at me.
"Do I know you?" he asked.
"No, i'm Aria, i'm new." I said.
"Oh. I'm Shane." I shook Shane's hand.
"That was my mom. She's kind of a bitch from hell."
"I noticed."
"Hey, what class do you have first?" he asked. I looked at my schedule.
"English with Ms. Goldstein." I sighed. Shane smiled
"Me too."
"Is she really as bad as she seems?"
"What does she seem like?"
"An alcoholic that comes to school drunk and blows all of her money on alcohol."
"I'll take it you two have met.Come on, i'll walk you to class."

When we got to class, Ms. Goldstein wasn't there. The only people there were a slutty looking girl talking on a cell phone, a girl who claimed to be Lucifer, a guy who was rapping really badly, and some girl asleep at the back of the class. About five minutes after class started, Ms. Goldstein arrived.
"Sorry i was late. Got pulled over by the fuzz again for driving under the influence, which is TOTAL bullshit." she said, hiding a bottle of beer under her desk.
"Now, for attendance. Amy?" Ms. Goldstein looked at the slutty girl, who just continued to talk on her cell phone.
"Okay, Mark?" the guy who was rapping looked up at Ms. Goldstein.
"It's M.Diddy."
"Whatever. Abby?"
"Ms. Goldstein, help me!" Lucifer/Abby yelled, thrashing around.
"All you had to say was here. Shane?"
"Here." said Shane.
"New kid?"
"My name's Aria. Aria Everhard. We met last week." i said.
"Kid, i don't remember half of the things I did last night, let alone last week.I just remember waking up covered in whipping cream with a naked mexican sleeping beside me. Anyways, today we're going to have a special lesson today. And to help me, guess who i brought in?" A woman with bright red hair came in, grinning.
"Hey faggoty anne!" Shane froze.
"...mom?"
"I'm so glad i finally get to meet all of your little friends! Who's this, your girlfriend? Oh, who am i kidding, you don't have friends or a girlfriend!" Shane's mom laughed.
"Now, today we're going to be learning about sex!" exclaimed Ms. Goldstein, pulling out a banana and a donut.
"And i'm gonna help!" Shane's mom said, running to the front of the room.

That was just the beginning of my horrific experience at SD high.