Are my characters cliche/Mary-Sue? HELP!!
Okay I wrote a story before on here but a forgot to out my name in! "Is my story plot any good?" so sorry if you guys get confused and say it belongs to her, I'm very sorry but the amazingness sadly belongs to me :D
-Lekha
It belongs to her :)
-Artemis101
This Is my friends account btw :)
Okay here's my character! :D
-Ariana
-12 first book ~ 17 last
- She's an average looking girl with very light brown hair, dark brown eyes edged with dark lashes and skin that refuses to tan
-Ariana grew up in Estelle with her friend Axel (9) but when they where out playing a came they decided to stay overnight in the caved because it was getting dark. When they return they find the village and everyone in it were burnt alive and smoke Is everywhere. It seems like they're the only survivors. They decided to go to the port on the other side of Estelle to land in Port Sovia (big city) and Aria decides to take a short cut through a mountain passage and discovers dragons. Axel and her run into another passage and fund a mysterious book. Axel being 9 oils it up and so the adventure starts.
-Ariana is prone to sea sickness (is use this comedic relief) and also thinks that somehow she has the 'worst' of everything and will never stop comparing herself to others. She like everyone else is selfish at times and extremely stubborn witch also contributes to her determination. She is lazy and loud as well as a but reckless sometimes
-She is the best archer of her age and only rivals a few of the countries hero's and her eyesight is fantastic. She is very determined and although somewhat a coward at times she will always sacrifice for those who she loves
Next character (Aria's the main but Ellie is still a main character)
-Ellie
-12-13~17-18
-Ellie is friends with Beau (who is apart of the main 4- Aria, Axel, James) since they where young but she is a higher upperclassman noble while Beau was a slave so when her father forbade teir friendship and kicked him out if the manor. Since them she's been waiting for him to return and she's mentioned in the first book but appears in the second
- Classic beauty, long wavy dark blonde hair and large blue-grey eyes tanned skin, she's beautiful and uses it to her advantage
-Ellie isn't trustworthy since all her life was built up of lies but Beau can tell if she's telling the truth or not. She doesn't understand why poor people work so hard and get very less money then give it to their children instead of doing something for themselves, she was pampered and never really got to experience the real world and isn't proud of it. Ellie doesn't like power at all eventhough she's got quite some and wether this is pod or bad- she takes advantage of everything given to her. She's shy and soft spoken and many just see her as a spoilt little princess. She promises Beau to help them in anyway possible and he says that the only way she can help is to stay put and do nothing and listen. She is scared of strange noises in the night and admits that she will never truly understand a commoner's woes
- Ellie is very sharp and if you hear a cat screech in the night you'll probably be like 'It's just a cat' but she'll say 'Yes but why did the cat screech?' She latter becomes very generous she starts to understand what other peoples problems are and even of she can't fight she has her brain and she can heal like no other
Okay guys Read the intro
Are my characters clicks or Mary Sue? Could you guys please help me! What should I improve on them? And how can I make them believable? Thanks!
Okay here's my character! :D
-Ariana
-12 first book ~ 17 last
- She's an average looking girl with very light brown hair, dark brown eyes edged with dark lashes and skin that refuses to tan
-Ariana grew up in Estelle with her friend Axel (9) but when they where out playing a came they decided to stay overnight in the caved because it was getting dark. When they return they find the village and everyone in it were burnt alive and smoke Is everywhere. It seems like they're the only survivors. They decided to go to the port on the other side of Estelle to land in Port Sovia (big city) and Aria decides to take a short cut through a mountain passage and discovers dragons. Axel and her run into another passage and fund a mysterious book. Axel being 9 oils it up and so the adventure starts.
-Ariana is prone to sea sickness (is use this comedic relief) and also thinks that somehow she has the 'worst' of everything and will never stop comparing herself to others. She like everyone else is selfish at times and extremely stubborn witch also contributes to her determination. She is lazy and loud as well as a but reckless sometimes
-She is the best archer of her age and only rivals a few of the countries hero's and her eyesight is fantastic. She is very determined and although somewhat a coward at times she will always sacrifice for those who she loves
Next character (Aria's the main but Ellie is still a main character)
-Ellie
-12-13~17-18
-Ellie is friends with Beau (who is apart of the main 4- Aria, Axel, James) since they where young but she is a higher upperclassman noble while Beau was a slave so when her father forbade teir friendship and kicked him out if the manor. Since them she's been waiting for him to return and she's mentioned in the first book but appears in the second
- Classic beauty, long wavy dark blonde hair and large blue-grey eyes tanned skin, she's beautiful and uses it to her advantage
-Ellie isn't trustworthy since all her life was built up of lies but Beau can tell if she's telling the truth or not. She doesn't understand why poor people work so hard and get very less money then give it to their children instead of doing something for themselves, she was pampered and never really got to experience the real world and isn't proud of it. Ellie doesn't like power at all eventhough she's got quite some and wether this is pod or bad- she takes advantage of everything given to her. She's shy and soft spoken and many just see her as a spoilt little princess. She promises Beau to help them in anyway possible and he says that the only way she can help is to stay put and do nothing and listen. She is scared of strange noises in the night and admits that she will never truly understand a commoner's woes
- Ellie is very sharp and if you hear a cat screech in the night you'll probably be like 'It's just a cat' but she'll say 'Yes but why did the cat screech?' She latter becomes very generous she starts to understand what other peoples problems are and even of she can't fight she has her brain and she can heal like no other
Okay guys Read the intro
Are my characters clicks or Mary Sue? Could you guys please help me! What should I improve on them? And how can I make them believable? Thanks!
3 Comments
They are NOT cliche! Don't kid yourself-- that's only gonna bring your morale down. Believe me when I say this, because I'm writing a book right now and I am going to get it published , I don't care how long that takes. As for believability, it's FINE. Just improve your grammar and vocabulary and you'll do great. There's a catch, though... you can only do this if you BELIEVE.
heck no, your characters are deep and amazing! this sounds quite interesting! find me this story, I would READ!!
No way! They sound interesting :)