Between Life and Death(Eragon & Murtagh Story)
i would really like some feedback so i know what i need to improve on.
Chapter 1
All That remains
“One misjudgment can change the ebb and flow of your life.” My mother’s words replayed over and over like a broken record in my mind. I had no idea how true her words really were.
I was once just like any other seven-teen year old. I was a trouble maker. I loved adventure. Well, I seemed to get myself into some difficult situations constantly, but never like the one that changed my life forever. My family was killed by the soldiers, five months ago.
I remember walking into my home, knowing something wasn’t quite right. There was no sound of life, like there usually was. Everything was painfully silent. I walked in the family room of the small cottage to find something that I never thought was humanly possible. Blood gruesomely painted the walls. My mother and father lay on the floor motionless, lifeless. My mother had her throat slit, and my father from the looks of it was stabbed countless times. Everywhere I looked there was blood, so much blood. Tears stained my face as I stared at the scene before me. Leaned down next to my mother and sobbed for what seemed like hours until someone found me. They stood me up and took me by the arm, and led me out of my house, my home.
“Evelyn, what happened in there?” the old man spoke, but all I did was stare straight.
“She’s still in shock Alden.” His wife spoke.
The old man nodded solemnly, “We better speak to the elders about this. Take her to our tavern and get this poor girl cleaned up.” The wife nodded and took my arm gently and led me into town.
In the tavern, the old lady led me up to a room and took me over to the bathing area. She sat me down, and began to wash the blood off my arms and legs, and the dirt off my face.
The lady got up and walked over to the dresser and pulled out an old gown and handed it to me.
“Here, put this on. If you want you could stay here for a while. I’ll be down stairs if you need anything.” She said heading towards the door. “Evelyn, whoever did this to your parents will be brought to justice.” I looked at her for a moment with pure sorrow, then stared back down to the floor. The old lady left the room, for me to change.
They old lady had been wrong, for my parents killers were not brought to justice, for it was the kings men who slaughtered them. Here now I stood on a rocky plateau gazing overhead for any sign of the king’s soldiers.
About a week after my family was killed, they came looking for me, for they thought I had something of theirs. Ever since, I have been on the run for my life, and for revenge. Over the months, I had taught myself how to fight, and kill. I was on my own, with the whole empire against me. I had no allies, no one to look up to, that I could trust.
I scouted the country side for what seemed like hours before I decided to get back on my horse and ride towards town for supplies. All I’ve been eating for the past week was tasteless jerky and stale bread. My water supply had gone two days ago.
By the time I made it to the entrance it was already sunset. Standing in front of the gates were two men standing guard.
“Show your face!” the man shouted from his post. I looked down at the man, and pulled the hood of my cloak off of my head. “What’s your business here?”
“I need supplies and a place to stay for the night.” I sternly said. They eyed me with suspicion, but eventually let me pass through. As soon as I passed through the gates, I pulled my hood back over my face.
I rode throw the town and asked an elderly man where the closest stable was.
“If you’d like miss, I can store your horse in my stable, for only three crowns.” The hunched man said.
I got off of Misty and handed him the reins. “Here are five. See to it that she is fed.”
“Yes miss, thanks miss.” He said taking the reins and walking over to his stable that was located at the other end of town.
I walked through the well-lit bustling town, seeing children running around playing and wrestling as I made my way to the closest inn. Inside, the room was dimly lit, with a bad on the far left, where a few men sat drinking. I walked up to the bar, and sat down at one of the stools.
“Can I get you anything?” the tender asked, while drying a glass with a dull rag.
“Wine, and a room would be nice.” I stated passing ten crowns to the tender.
“How long are you planning to stay?” he asked, handing me my drink.
“Only for a few days.” I took a sip of the wine and stood up.
“Let me show you to your room.” he stated. I stood up and drank what was left of the wine and followed the man to my room.
We walked up the stairs and down a long narrow hallway. The tender stopped and turned towards a door, and handed me the key.
“Here’s your room. Enjoy your stay.” He stated then left.
I waited until the man was at the other end of the hall, to enter the room. I pulled off my hood and looked around the room. It was small with one bed in the corner, a bed side table next to it holding an oil lamp, a vanity that held a mirror and water dish, and a dresser. The only window in the room was in the far corner with torn curtains to block light.
“Home sweet home.”
I was once just like any other seven-teen year old. I was a trouble maker. I loved adventure. Well, I seemed to get myself into some difficult situations constantly, but never like the one that changed my life forever. My family was killed by the soldiers, five months ago.
I remember walking into my home, knowing something wasn’t quite right. There was no sound of life, like there usually was. Everything was painfully silent. I walked in the family room of the small cottage to find something that I never thought was humanly possible. Blood gruesomely painted the walls. My mother and father lay on the floor motionless, lifeless. My mother had her throat slit, and my father from the looks of it was stabbed countless times. Everywhere I looked there was blood, so much blood. Tears stained my face as I stared at the scene before me. Leaned down next to my mother and sobbed for what seemed like hours until someone found me. They stood me up and took me by the arm, and led me out of my house, my home.
“Evelyn, what happened in there?” the old man spoke, but all I did was stare straight.
“She’s still in shock Alden.” His wife spoke.
The old man nodded solemnly, “We better speak to the elders about this. Take her to our tavern and get this poor girl cleaned up.” The wife nodded and took my arm gently and led me into town.
In the tavern, the old lady led me up to a room and took me over to the bathing area. She sat me down, and began to wash the blood off my arms and legs, and the dirt off my face.
The lady got up and walked over to the dresser and pulled out an old gown and handed it to me.
“Here, put this on. If you want you could stay here for a while. I’ll be down stairs if you need anything.” She said heading towards the door. “Evelyn, whoever did this to your parents will be brought to justice.” I looked at her for a moment with pure sorrow, then stared back down to the floor. The old lady left the room, for me to change.
They old lady had been wrong, for my parents killers were not brought to justice, for it was the kings men who slaughtered them. Here now I stood on a rocky plateau gazing overhead for any sign of the king’s soldiers.
About a week after my family was killed, they came looking for me, for they thought I had something of theirs. Ever since, I have been on the run for my life, and for revenge. Over the months, I had taught myself how to fight, and kill. I was on my own, with the whole empire against me. I had no allies, no one to look up to, that I could trust.
I scouted the country side for what seemed like hours before I decided to get back on my horse and ride towards town for supplies. All I’ve been eating for the past week was tasteless jerky and stale bread. My water supply had gone two days ago.
By the time I made it to the entrance it was already sunset. Standing in front of the gates were two men standing guard.
“Show your face!” the man shouted from his post. I looked down at the man, and pulled the hood of my cloak off of my head. “What’s your business here?”
“I need supplies and a place to stay for the night.” I sternly said. They eyed me with suspicion, but eventually let me pass through. As soon as I passed through the gates, I pulled my hood back over my face.
I rode throw the town and asked an elderly man where the closest stable was.
“If you’d like miss, I can store your horse in my stable, for only three crowns.” The hunched man said.
I got off of Misty and handed him the reins. “Here are five. See to it that she is fed.”
“Yes miss, thanks miss.” He said taking the reins and walking over to his stable that was located at the other end of town.
I walked through the well-lit bustling town, seeing children running around playing and wrestling as I made my way to the closest inn. Inside, the room was dimly lit, with a bad on the far left, where a few men sat drinking. I walked up to the bar, and sat down at one of the stools.
“Can I get you anything?” the tender asked, while drying a glass with a dull rag.
“Wine, and a room would be nice.” I stated passing ten crowns to the tender.
“How long are you planning to stay?” he asked, handing me my drink.
“Only for a few days.” I took a sip of the wine and stood up.
“Let me show you to your room.” he stated. I stood up and drank what was left of the wine and followed the man to my room.
We walked up the stairs and down a long narrow hallway. The tender stopped and turned towards a door, and handed me the key.
“Here’s your room. Enjoy your stay.” He stated then left.
I waited until the man was at the other end of the hall, to enter the room. I pulled off my hood and looked around the room. It was small with one bed in the corner, a bed side table next to it holding an oil lamp, a vanity that held a mirror and water dish, and a dresser. The only window in the room was in the far corner with torn curtains to block light.
“Home sweet home.”



4 Comments
Really good.Let me know when the next chapter is up
thank you very much
Seriously Good,can't wait for more
This is really good. You have a really nice writing style. I really enjoyed reading the story so far. I hope you're continuing it.