White Horse

Cate Brent looked out the window. It seemed wrong that the day was so nice and sunny when she felt so... broken. Lucky people. They're able to walk along happily, not knowing the pain she's experiencing, or the self-disgust she's going through. She knew it: no matter how many times he reassured her it wouldn't happen, he'd left her, because she wasn't interesting now, or special enough. She'd never been enough. She was plain, boring Cate. A single tear leaked out. But this time, it was worse. She'd thought maybe he was different, that he was the one. She'd finally had hope that maybe someone actually liked her. Loved her. Cate let out a noise of pure frustration and started to pace back and forth in agitation. Why couldn't she find someone to hold? Someone who would fall in love with her as much as she fell in love with them? Why did she keep trying? Cate knew. Because she needed someone. Someone to hold her, help her. She wasn't the kind who could stand on her own two feet. Much as she hated to admit it, to pretend otherwise, she wasn't strong. She was weak. She needed someone to hold her up. But eventually, every guy left and Cate fell. And every time she fell harder. Every time it hurt more. And the bruises, they never go away. She fell in love so easily, Cate did. It wasn't hard to gain her faith, loyalty, trust. But every single one let her down. They didn't care for her the way she did them. She had to get her head out of the clouds and face reality: she wasn't going to have a happy ending, at least not here, not in this town. She had to get away from here. This was a place of bad memories she'd never get rid of. Cate's phone buzzed. She looked down at it. It was a message. From him. She hesitated, but pressed Read. It was a voice message. "Cate," oh the sweet tones of his voice! "I'm sorry. So sorry. I was wrong, stupid, and selfish. Please, forgive me. I love you." His voice trailed off. Cate groaned. It was like she wanted - him to beg, to want her. She wanted to be wanted. But... she'd already decided to forfeit this place. She had to get out. Oh, but she wanted him! She wanted to see his beautiful brown eyes again... Cate looked down at her phone. He'd put her through Hell these last few days. It was agony, to know he'd left her. To know that, once again, she wasn't good enough. He'd lied and let her down. But she still loved him. Did he love her...? No. He didn't. The way his voice trailed off...
Cate collapsed and pulled her knees to her chest. And she cried. Oh, God, help me, she cried. How could she leave him when all she wanted to do was be with him? He made her happy but she didn't make him happy. She knew how it'd end: he would find someone else, someone he could love, and he would try to break up with her as gently as possible, because that's how he was: he was asking her back because he didn't want her to hurt. He cared for her, but didn't love her that way. When it came down to it, though... she knew he wasn't going to give his entire life to her just to make her happy. If he did that, it'd mean he loved her. And he didn't.
Cate screamed. Why does it always happen to her? Why couldn't someone love her? What was so bad about her? Why did she love people who only broke her heart? What was wrong with her?
She'd imagined so many different outcomes... happy endings. But she knew better now. It wasn't going to happen.
Should she forgive him? She wanted so bad to be with him. But it wouldn't turn out right and she'd fall harder than ever before. It was too late, Cate realized. Maybe she should've fought harder for him. But it was too late, now. It couldn't work out. It would feel so wonderful to forgive him - even though she'd know the outcome - and spend a few more blissfull weeks with him, but it wasn't worth it. Always she'd be dreading when he found someone new. She didn't stand a chance.
Cate got out her phone. "I'm sorry... but no. It's not a fairy tale. We both know how it'll end. I'll find someone... someday. But, for us, it's too late. I - I love you..." Cate's voice broke and she pressed send before curling up and crying.