Burn.
plz read, its a story im still writing but im thinking about trying to get it pupblished....... hope you like it!
Comment and rate!
im only gonna write the first chapter.. if you guys like it then i'll write more of it.
Chapter 1
Dreamland
High pitched unseen voices laughed at me as i was on fire, crawling towards the lake. They told me to give up and die. I continued to pull myself across the forest floor twards the water, now just three feet away. As if the flames were not enough the sticks lying on the forest floor were like knifees against my skin as i dragged myself closer to the water. I reached the lake and rolled into the water, only to find that is wasn't water.
The burn of the bleach was almost to much to bare. I scrambled out of the bleach onto the bank. The fire was out, but it felt as if I was still buring. I gasped for air but it came like acid into my lungs. As my mind was racing i kept saying to myself, "I cant die yet, i cant".
When I was able to breath again i started to cry as i thought of my mom. She loved my so much. She moved from sunny Lake View, South Carolina to little old Homer, New York, just to try to save me. She doesn't even know what's really wrong.
I put my hands to my face as I cried. As i pulled my hands away from my face, i started to scream. My hands were covered in my bloody tears.
I sat up in a cold sweat, screaming and reaching towards my face. Then it hit me. I had been dreaming. I have had that nightmare many tiems before. I knew i couldn't run forever, but i dont know how to face my fears when they are so much bigger than i am.
"Elizabeth! Are you okay? I heard screaming!" My mom came running into my room with a wild look in her eyes.
"I'm fine mom. Just another bad dream." I tried to gve her a reassuring smile but i looked away when i felt like i was going to cry.
My mom's brown eyes were welling up with tears, and her hair was a mess from sleeping. She crossed the room and sat down on my bed. Worry creased her face, replacing her normal smile.
"Was it about your dad honey? Because he is going to be okay, they say the burns are healing just fine, and he is starting to talk again." She whispered to me in a sad aged voice sounding as if she was trying to covince herself more than me that dad was going to be okay. She studied me worriedly as teras leaked over the edge of her eyes.
"I know he is getting better, but im still worried. Why did the arms dealers have to choose his bank?" I broke into tears, but not directly about my dad, my nightmare was still hautnting my thoughts. My mom pulled me into a hug and cried with me.
My dad was in a bank when he was burnned so badly, and there were arms dealers. However, my dad was not working in the bank that day. My dad works undercover for the FBI, he was under cover the day it happened. My mom doesn't know. I was sworn to secrecy after i found him durning operation Red Shadow.
if you want me to continue with the story Comment & rate Plz
The burn of the bleach was almost to much to bare. I scrambled out of the bleach onto the bank. The fire was out, but it felt as if I was still buring. I gasped for air but it came like acid into my lungs. As my mind was racing i kept saying to myself, "I cant die yet, i cant".
When I was able to breath again i started to cry as i thought of my mom. She loved my so much. She moved from sunny Lake View, South Carolina to little old Homer, New York, just to try to save me. She doesn't even know what's really wrong.
I put my hands to my face as I cried. As i pulled my hands away from my face, i started to scream. My hands were covered in my bloody tears.
I sat up in a cold sweat, screaming and reaching towards my face. Then it hit me. I had been dreaming. I have had that nightmare many tiems before. I knew i couldn't run forever, but i dont know how to face my fears when they are so much bigger than i am.
"Elizabeth! Are you okay? I heard screaming!" My mom came running into my room with a wild look in her eyes.
"I'm fine mom. Just another bad dream." I tried to gve her a reassuring smile but i looked away when i felt like i was going to cry.
My mom's brown eyes were welling up with tears, and her hair was a mess from sleeping. She crossed the room and sat down on my bed. Worry creased her face, replacing her normal smile.
"Was it about your dad honey? Because he is going to be okay, they say the burns are healing just fine, and he is starting to talk again." She whispered to me in a sad aged voice sounding as if she was trying to covince herself more than me that dad was going to be okay. She studied me worriedly as teras leaked over the edge of her eyes.
"I know he is getting better, but im still worried. Why did the arms dealers have to choose his bank?" I broke into tears, but not directly about my dad, my nightmare was still hautnting my thoughts. My mom pulled me into a hug and cried with me.
My dad was in a bank when he was burnned so badly, and there were arms dealers. However, my dad was not working in the bank that day. My dad works undercover for the FBI, he was under cover the day it happened. My mom doesn't know. I was sworn to secrecy after i found him durning operation Red Shadow.
if you want me to continue with the story Comment & rate Plz



25 Comments
The plot sounds awesome! There are some mistakes, though, mostly punctual and grammatical ones, such as that it's bear ( I can't bear it) instead of bare (naked, a bare baby.) I is with a capital letter in English. "She whispered to me in a sad aged voice sounding as if she was trying to covince herself more than me that dad was going to be okay." Should be: "She whispered to me in a sad, aged voice, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself more than me that my dad was going to be okay.
Other than that, amazing, descriptive and interesting!
lol ty, im no good wit grammar or spelling... but i love to write
You're welcome, if you ever need help, just ask :P I'm no great writer, but I love grammar. And it was my pleasure to read it!
This really drew me in...i am certain you should do more!
it's REALLY REALLY good!!!! ilove it,please continue!!!!!
Lol i will continue.but sick today so it hurts to look at a screen to much
but i love to hear that you like it!!
continue! :)
Plz countinue!!! I love it!!!
Yes, its a good storie, and a bad cliffhanger.
lol i got more coming
can you guys tell ur friends about this story i want to have Alot of ppl tell me their opinions
Awesome!
More I say MORE!!!
A good start, Sammy!
I just read it today. It's good!
It's the type of story that I wanted to read.
Please continue, friend!