Secrets Behind Memories

I cut. Well, I haven't in a few weeks and I'm trying to quit, but I do self harm. I hit myself, I put myself in situations I know I'll get hurt in.

I used to think that I started self harming when I was eleven, the time I began cutting, but some of my repressed memories have been surfacing. Secrets that have been hidden are coming up and I am going to share my story with you all as I discover it myself.

I have another profile on here, but for the sake of anonymity I wont be telling any of you who I am.

Now I think it's time we began.

A memory that was brought to light is me as a five year old running a bath of scalding hot water and having the feelings of being punished for something. I don't know what I was punishing myself for, but I was punishing myself.

I have other memories like that as well. A younger version of me burning myself in the bath tub. I'm not sure why I did it, but I am going to find out.

I've been remembering a lot lately. It's like something clicks in my head and I feel the emotions I felt at that point in time. There are a lot of unpleasant feelings.

I also remember bits and pieces of days from my childhood. Like there's this one memory that has a young me playing by myself while everyone else has someone to play with.


The thing is, I've been trying to remember my childhood for four to five years. And still, there's this giant gap in my mind when I was in the years of nine and ten. I think something happened, but I'm not sure what.

I'm afraid of what I might find, but I need to know what it is that could have happened to me all those years ago.

I don't want anyone commenting saying they're so sad that these things are the way they are. It's in the past, no one can change that, all I can do is find out everything I can, and hope I can deal with it.