Romance Gone Wrong

Now can we get any more classically romantic/cheesy then the picnic date? I'm not sure. But, we'll try.


Everything was perfect, I had the bikes waiting just on the sidewalk ready for when Penny and I would ride them down to the local park for a picnic I had prepared for us.
I walked up the steps and knocked on the door. It opened and Penny smiled at me.
"Hey, are you ready?" I asked her. She smiled at me.
"Of course I am!" She said and took my hand as we walked down the steps together.
"Where is the mustang?" She asked.
"At home... I thought we could ride these bikes to the park," I said. Her face fell.
"On Lincoln?" She asked.
"Yeah, something wrong?" I asked as her face fell.
"Nothing... Just the park is ten miles away, and mostly uphill," she said.
"What?" I asked, how had I not been aware of that?
"No matter, let's get going while we got some day light," she said and hopped on a bike. The sun beat down on us and unusually warm for Febuary.
"It can't get worse, right?" I asked, but she didn't reply.
We rode next to each other. The picnic basket sat on her bike's handle bars and soon began to stink.
"Honey, what did you pack?" She asked me.
"Sandwiches, fruit, mayonaisse for the sandwiches, potatoe salad, and iced tea," I said. She sighed and we rode in silence going up yet another hill.
It took hald an hour, but we finallly reached the park and I was drenched in sweat. Penny looked at me and gave me a weak smile.
We set everything out before deciding to throw all the spoiled food away, which left only two sandwiches and the iced tea.
Finally we sat down and ate the pathetic meal.
"I am so sorry Penny... I swear I thought this would be so much more... Romantic," I told her. She snorted and looked at me. "It can't get any worse, right?"
"It's the thought that matters," she said and kissed my nose before we kissed each other's lips. Suddenly she pulled away.
"Ouch!" She exclaimed and did a weird jig before standing up and jumping and shaking, all the while crying out.
I stared at her, what was wrong? That was when I felt something bite me, and thrn a nother and another, making me do a similar dance to Penny's.
"Ants!" I cried out and saw that there were two black lines. One leading to the garbage can with the spoiled fruit in it, and the other to us. The lines met in the middle at a hole that led underground.
I took my shirt off and shook all the ants off before helping Penny out, who ad some in her hair, the poor dear.
Finally we had escaped the ant attack and pushed our bikes along side as we walked home.
Penny refused to look at me much less speak to me.
"Penny, I'm sorry." I said, "do you forgive me?" She stared ahead with a steely gaze before sighing.
"Yes," she said stiffly.
"Well, this will be a date to remember," I said. She growled. "Too soon?"
"Much too soon," she said.
"Well it can't get worse, right?" I asked. Then, as though Mother Nature herself had pimp slapped me, it began to rain cats and dogs.
That is it!
I threw down the stupid bike and kicked it. "Really? Really? What cosmic force is out to get me?" I yelled, "I just wanted to give my girlfriend a nice romantic day!"
"Honey," Penny said as she put a hand on my arm, "it's fine, let's just get home." I sighed and picked up the bike again and continued walking with her.
When we finally reached her home, she found the door was locked and she had forgotten her keys at the park when we had been attacked ants and no one was home. She called her mom and we had to wait for ten minutes for her parents to return home. We decided to find shelter under the doorstep, but before we went to be saved from the rain, I decided to do the next romantic thing that I could do.
I picked her up and twirled her around before I kissed her in the rain... And then slipped in a puddle and fell flat on my butt mid-kiss, resulting in her bitting my lip hard making it bleed a little.
"I give up," I said, "from now on, no more cheesy romance. How do you feel about flowers every Monday and only regular dates?" She smiled and laughed.
"I love it," she said, "because you are a terrible romantic," she said before kissing me once more as we stood on the doorstep, safe from the rain, holding one another close, waiting.