My greatest fear. Read if you really care not just because you want to know what scares me.
I was prompted to write this after seeing someone's quiz tittle. I did not answer the questoin from fear but i will answer it here now.
If you do not care about me or what goes throughmy head do not read this. Do not read it if you just want to have something you can harrass me about. This is a VERY sensitive topic for me.
{}- From the original version that I thought would be important to leave in even if it is out of context
I recently read some posts on Tumblr about a man who they cut off all his senses and the expressionless and the one of Squidwerd's suicide scared the crap out of me to put it bluntly. I am not going to explain the point of those stories even more, it would only cause me great pain and make me feel bad for a while.
Onto the reason why I am writing this. Originally this was made as a letter to my favorite Youtuber. If I have guts enough to tell a total stranger then I have guts enough to tell you all. The ones who have made me happy in my deepest despair. I shall point out the fact straight away, that I am not writing this as a way to get attention, or for people to feel bad about me. If I was trying to seek attention then I would simply tell everyone that I was going to kill myself. Thus is not the case. This is a real fact about me which I have only revealed to 2 people in this world population of 8 billion. Hopefully with me getting this out there, I will have the guts to come forward to my friends about this.
I have this gut wrenching fear of the end of the world and all of those reminded me of it. I keep this secret locked away inside of myself and i dont tell anyone about it. Even when my friends talk about 2012 like its a joke i cant get it out there. I try to speak of it but then i feel like im being silly for having this fear. I dont know why im scared of it, maybe some trauma as a child i dont know.
All i know is that i count down the days in my head to December 21, 2012. Is there a god? Does he still care about me? Ive done things not evil things or anything except if you count high school evil (kicking people out of social groups, slight bullying etc. etc). But ive done other things that i do not feel safe enough to reveal. Have i wasted my life by not going out enough with friends? Staying home all day and being a hermit that just writes and writes and writes? Not having a boyfriend or any kind of romantic relationship?
Even some things I do are because of that fact, the Youtube videos I make, the amount of work I put into my stories. That is because I want to be remembered for something, I want to be popular in life so in death it may carry through. There I admit it. Now you will know why I ask you guys to give me suggestions on videos, or to ask me questions. I want people to care about me.
These are the things that fill my mind lately. {Its ridiculous that im finally saying this to some youtube celebrity who doesnt even know me nor do you probably care but this is the only way i really know to say it without people REALLY knowing its me.}
Maybe one day ill say it out loud to my best friend maybe... she already knows the half of it, that it scared me, 2012. But not about god or that the stories i hear scare me. I act like this impenetrable person but thats only because of the times i have been hurt.
People dont view me as being a girl with feelings very often and that always manages to get my blood boiling.
This fear is connected to that in some way i think, the struggle of keeping it a secret and not screaming every time someone makes a joke about it as if its nothing.
Im scared and i know this isnt the type of thing one should keep hidden away but i dont know how to tell my mom or siblings or anyone about it in order to see a therapist.
I know that that is what is recommended of someone with this kind of fear but i just cant get it out.
{I guess the real reason im writing this to you is because i hope that you may be able to give me some kind of advice as to what to do. I've never met someone that would get why im scared of it but maybe theres other people like me that dont know what to do with themselves and their fear, so they keep it hidden and dont tell anyone. I wouldnt know as ive only told 1 person, but i guess that would be 2 now. }
I have too many fears and things going through my head for my age (13) but in reality ive had them since i was atleast 7.
{Please help me, in any way, atleast replying to this message and giving me some kind of advice or atleast replying with a simple 'i care' would show me that people really do care about me or more importantly my sanity that i let go of sometimes when these fears bombard my head too much.}
I must say though, that in the around 6 years that I have had this fear it has not been always. I watched the 2012 movie in the summer to 7th grade and since then it has not frightened me, I did not have a mini panic attack related to that, that is until my science teacher showed a film about the sun eventually devouring the earth did it all come back, and then it was like a shock wave. It made my fears worse.
And what made it even worse? A lot of the things my Science teacher talks about make me want to scream my fear out. To get him to SHUT UP for whatever he is saying! When we were talking about the environment in this class, I let books devour my brain and ignored him for that entire unit.
I once stayed up until 6am so that i wouldnt fall asleep and have those thoughts. Sometimes i just blast hard rock into my ears to block out the thoughts....
And this is the informal ending to this very formal letter that I have written. To whom? Originally an internet celebrity, but now I write it to all of you, the Quibblonians, who have kept me sane and happy. I feel safe enough to tell you all this secret. I sort of like having a secret like this, that only me and my best friend know about. But you know what? Its not right. I know its not. One shouldn’t keep these things kept secret. It build and it builds and it builds, until it tries to break free from your head. My problems are not going to get better if I simply ignore it. If I told it to my best friend then wrote it to her [Youtube celebrity who shall remain nameless] and now I tell it to you, maybe one day I will have the courage to tell my friends, then my parents and eventually maybe even my teachers so they know what not to talk about near me. I hope that you all believe what I am saying and don’t think im an attention- seeking wanna be. I assure you, the nights I have spent with little sleep are not made up.
If you have any questions related to what you read about do not be scared to ask me in the comments or in a message.
If you want to confide in me a similar fear dont be afraid to message me
I recently read some posts on Tumblr about a man who they cut off all his senses and the expressionless and the one of Squidwerd's suicide scared the crap out of me to put it bluntly. I am not going to explain the point of those stories even more, it would only cause me great pain and make me feel bad for a while.
Onto the reason why I am writing this. Originally this was made as a letter to my favorite Youtuber. If I have guts enough to tell a total stranger then I have guts enough to tell you all. The ones who have made me happy in my deepest despair. I shall point out the fact straight away, that I am not writing this as a way to get attention, or for people to feel bad about me. If I was trying to seek attention then I would simply tell everyone that I was going to kill myself. Thus is not the case. This is a real fact about me which I have only revealed to 2 people in this world population of 8 billion. Hopefully with me getting this out there, I will have the guts to come forward to my friends about this.
I have this gut wrenching fear of the end of the world and all of those reminded me of it. I keep this secret locked away inside of myself and i dont tell anyone about it. Even when my friends talk about 2012 like its a joke i cant get it out there. I try to speak of it but then i feel like im being silly for having this fear. I dont know why im scared of it, maybe some trauma as a child i dont know.
All i know is that i count down the days in my head to December 21, 2012. Is there a god? Does he still care about me? Ive done things not evil things or anything except if you count high school evil (kicking people out of social groups, slight bullying etc. etc). But ive done other things that i do not feel safe enough to reveal. Have i wasted my life by not going out enough with friends? Staying home all day and being a hermit that just writes and writes and writes? Not having a boyfriend or any kind of romantic relationship?
Even some things I do are because of that fact, the Youtube videos I make, the amount of work I put into my stories. That is because I want to be remembered for something, I want to be popular in life so in death it may carry through. There I admit it. Now you will know why I ask you guys to give me suggestions on videos, or to ask me questions. I want people to care about me.
These are the things that fill my mind lately. {Its ridiculous that im finally saying this to some youtube celebrity who doesnt even know me nor do you probably care but this is the only way i really know to say it without people REALLY knowing its me.}
Maybe one day ill say it out loud to my best friend maybe... she already knows the half of it, that it scared me, 2012. But not about god or that the stories i hear scare me. I act like this impenetrable person but thats only because of the times i have been hurt.
People dont view me as being a girl with feelings very often and that always manages to get my blood boiling.
This fear is connected to that in some way i think, the struggle of keeping it a secret and not screaming every time someone makes a joke about it as if its nothing.
Im scared and i know this isnt the type of thing one should keep hidden away but i dont know how to tell my mom or siblings or anyone about it in order to see a therapist.
I know that that is what is recommended of someone with this kind of fear but i just cant get it out.
{I guess the real reason im writing this to you is because i hope that you may be able to give me some kind of advice as to what to do. I've never met someone that would get why im scared of it but maybe theres other people like me that dont know what to do with themselves and their fear, so they keep it hidden and dont tell anyone. I wouldnt know as ive only told 1 person, but i guess that would be 2 now. }
I have too many fears and things going through my head for my age (13) but in reality ive had them since i was atleast 7.
{Please help me, in any way, atleast replying to this message and giving me some kind of advice or atleast replying with a simple 'i care' would show me that people really do care about me or more importantly my sanity that i let go of sometimes when these fears bombard my head too much.}
I must say though, that in the around 6 years that I have had this fear it has not been always. I watched the 2012 movie in the summer to 7th grade and since then it has not frightened me, I did not have a mini panic attack related to that, that is until my science teacher showed a film about the sun eventually devouring the earth did it all come back, and then it was like a shock wave. It made my fears worse.
And what made it even worse? A lot of the things my Science teacher talks about make me want to scream my fear out. To get him to SHUT UP for whatever he is saying! When we were talking about the environment in this class, I let books devour my brain and ignored him for that entire unit.
I once stayed up until 6am so that i wouldnt fall asleep and have those thoughts. Sometimes i just blast hard rock into my ears to block out the thoughts....
And this is the informal ending to this very formal letter that I have written. To whom? Originally an internet celebrity, but now I write it to all of you, the Quibblonians, who have kept me sane and happy. I feel safe enough to tell you all this secret. I sort of like having a secret like this, that only me and my best friend know about. But you know what? Its not right. I know its not. One shouldn’t keep these things kept secret. It build and it builds and it builds, until it tries to break free from your head. My problems are not going to get better if I simply ignore it. If I told it to my best friend then wrote it to her [Youtube celebrity who shall remain nameless] and now I tell it to you, maybe one day I will have the courage to tell my friends, then my parents and eventually maybe even my teachers so they know what not to talk about near me. I hope that you all believe what I am saying and don’t think im an attention- seeking wanna be. I assure you, the nights I have spent with little sleep are not made up.
If you have any questions related to what you read about do not be scared to ask me in the comments or in a message.
If you want to confide in me a similar fear dont be afraid to message me
52 Comments
I really do care. If you want you can message me about all this, because i understand and have really strong opinions on this sort of stuff. Also there's a video on Youtube called, "It's not the end of the world" by Charlieissocoollike that i think you should watch too. I'm here if you want to talk though :)
Thanks. Im watching the video now and hoping it will help but ive gone on numerous websites for people with Apocolyptaphobia and read all the facts but i wont really be convinced it wont end when i wake up on Decemer 22, 2012
I have just finished it and it has infact helped me a bit! Thanks!
I have just finished it and it has infact helped me a bit! Thanks!
i care about you ur an awesome friend :) I kinda fear it too, you know, how they say like no one can stop it the world will just end and im just hoping like chiz that they're wrong about it . . .
when i was younger i was convinced that god had sent me to earth to save the human race. Blame that on too much Power Rangers, The Powerpuff Girls and Kim Possible.
Lol that was random ^ but true
But you just have to tell yourself it won't happen and its not true and you might fear it less idk u can message me about it if you want :)
I do care, honestly. And I somewhat know what it's like to be scared of something as seemingly uncertain as the end of the world, but I've done a lot of reading on this subject and when you get down to the facts you see that it's actually super unlikely. If you want to message me I'd be more than happy to help you understand all the facts and what-not, maybe once you have a clearer idea it will be less scary (it worked for me).
Also, wasted your life? No way. OK so you didn't hang out with friends or have a romantic relationship, but you did do something that very few people on Earth actually have, you contributed something meaningful. Remember, feel free to message me, have a nice day :)
I know that its stupid for thinking i wasted my life. All that is trivial high school excuse my french bull$hi+ but thats just part of the uncomprehensive mess that is my brain!
In all reality i have accomplished quite a bit.
I kinda think like that too sometimes believe it or not . . this is gonna b kinda deep but whatever.
So i sumtimes think that like one of these days some strange person is gonna kidnap me and be all like, "you have powers. blah blah blah you gotta save the world." and ill and up having some weird powers and some ppl r gonna help and all this crazy chiz but im serious i feel like one of these days im gonna develop powers and have to save the world.idk i really think about this sometimes tho. . .
Okay... you've been reading too much Maximum Ride and Darkest Powers series young lady!
Oh right im one to talk, walking aorund town wearing round glasses and waving around a stick.. Pssht i need a life lol
AHAHAHA that again proovs the fact i stated earlier that YEW ARE SO FRIKKING AWESOME!!! so see u DO TOO have ppl who care about yew!!! I CARE ABOUT U A BUNCH!!! and maybe i mighta kinda sorta maybe mighta been reading too much maximum ride . . . but i seriously do kinda think im gonna have to save the world with weird powers at some point . . . but really i gotta lay off the maximum ride and level up obsession XD
Whatever man i will help you fight off the evil people with my wand and my super powers aswell!!
Thank you for saying i awesome! How can you not think that? JKJK
And i have this fantasy (ever since watching the Fallen Angels video by Black Veil Brides) that the outcasts will rise up and defeat satan and the 3 kingsmes.
Yeah and that ^ proves that i should not under any circumstances be allowed to watch Supernatural.
Ok that does it. i'm making u a top friend! XD and Neverfail will help us too! :D Dante can use his skull cracker and lyle can use his thunderpole and wyatt can use his blastaton and angie can use her fist of schooling...
and I never thought I'd say this bbut justin bieber can save us by singing so terribly (like normal) and THEY WILL ALL DIE!!! and the super strong ones r our job >:) mwahahahaha we will DESTROY THEM AND MALDARK!!! and don't forget- we will get the flock and also
finn and jake and evryone in Ooo to help us too!!! (ok i think we can agree im going way over the top now . . .ugh enough sugar and watching level up)
I have no idea whom most of the people you named are but okay!
Time to kick some booty!
And i totally get your hyper ness. I drink 36 ounces of pepsi a day so i am extremly hyper and am hard to keep track of.
And im making you a top friend too! If i can find you in my majiger of pages of friends i have
I have no idea whom most of the people you named are but okay!
Time to kick some booty!
And i totally get your hyper ness. I drink 36 ounces of pepsi a day so i am extremly hyper and am hard to keep track of.
And im making you a top friend too! If i can find you in my majiger of pages of friends i have
Yay!!! I love it when i meet awesome ppl like you!!! :D
Also i drew a picture out of boredom and im gonna post it and dedicate it to you! it doesn't really have a meaning i wuz bored and im gonna dedicate it to yeww!!! THANKZ YEW FOR BEING SUCH AN AWESOME PERSON!!!
Thanks for thinking im such an awesome person!
xD but its yer fault ur awesome!!!
n
:o-)
u
(thats a doggy! i only give those to the awesomest pppl!!)
Awww im honored!
^.^
im honored to know an awesome person named YOU!!! :D
Hey! Where the heck did my kitty go?????? Glare all aorund
Backing away slowly . . . Um... hehe . . . Picks up doggy and takes off running I'M STILL MAKING U A TOP FRIEND!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA >:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tj0_WpwgPro LEVEL UP!!!! :D and i posted the pic its the next to last one in my photo album and DANTE IS AWESOME!!! xD seriously you'll realize that the second you start watching the video!!! :D
That's great! No problem. Charlie is really good :))
:D
Hey, I really, really do care :) No one should have a fear that strong and let it take over them and your really brave to post it! What I think though, is, do not keep this a secret for much longer... it's not worth going crazy over (I did not mean that in a nasty way) just try not to be afraid!! I know it's hard, but just try to relax and enjoy life :) Talk about it! Don't let it take over your life or bring you down. Human life is precious and it's to be enjoyed.... try not to worry :)
Thats why im posting this :)
Because if i can tell a few friends and a ton of strangers here i can tell my friends at home and my parents. Im starting slowly
I think almost every one fears the apocalypse, and I dont think your young. When I was 10 I would stay up til 4 am thinking about whether I would go to heaven or hell if I died today, I mean, Im christan, but, I've done so many bad things. Lied, cursed,(i was 10 and not supposed to), My friends talked about dirty things, and I sat there and listened, The music I listened to, the stuff I watched,(rated R and PG 13 crap) I was exposed to drugs when I was 7 (My cousin smokes pot in front of me)etc.
That sounds just like why i stay up at nights at my age. When i was 6 i actually started crying one day becasue i said i didnt want to die :/
That sounds just like why i stay up at nights at my age. When i was 6 i actually started crying one day becasue i said i didnt want to die :/
But anyways, yeah, my sis (15) me, and our band/best friends believe we might survive the apoclypse, so yeah, thres no problem with your fear and you dont need a shrink