Grammar Nazi Rant

Please, if you know anyone who does ANY of this, refer them to here. For all of us who are OCD Grammar Nazis.

Chapter 1

1) Mary Sues
Good Lord. If I ever see a Mary Sue ever again, I will barf. There are different classifications of Mary Sues, however, if you think about it.
First, there's the basic definition of a Mary Sue: a character who is perfect in every way. They have a beautiful face, a nice body, they're rich, they wear all the coolest clothes and listen to spunky, upbeat pop music. In addition, they are most likely blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and overuse the word "like." They are usually timid, and members of the opposite sex (and, occasionally, the same sex), worship the ground they walk on. Naïvety is a main factor in their appeal, and despite their amazing looks, they usually have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, or their first kiss. It's not cool to write a character like this. It makes people want to stone you.
Next, there's the Exactly-Like-Me-With-A-Different-Name Mary Sue. These are harder to detect, unless you know the author well. Admittedly, they are less annoying than the typical Mary Sue, but they get old quickly. They branch out from the perfect prince/princess we know and hate to include all types of people: usually with one fatal flaw. This could be self-consciousness, your boyfriend/girlfriend breaking up with you, your friends abandoning you, or other petty problems that affect everyone. Still, they are never specifically mentioned as ugly, although the writer usually feels that they are. I have seen way too much of this Sue.
Finally, the horribly cliché Mary Sue. This is a rather broad topic, as well, as there are so many clichés to choose from. To name just a few of the awful characters at hand: someone who has stupid supernatural powers of some sort; a lonely, depressed girl who just needs somebody to love her; a boy who has been abused since childhood; rape victim; unloved orphan; no Mom/no Dad; mean siblings; timid, shy girl; gay still in the closet; a perfect, romantic boyfriend with a six pack and an astonishingly high IQ for someone so who looks like he couldn't figure out how to make toast. Just a few clichés for you. And by the way, unloved orphan works in Harry Potter.

2) Spelling
Do some of you people know what a dictionary is? Let me explain: it's this great thing where, if you don't know how to spell a word or you don't know what one means, LOOK IT THE HELL UP. Also, let me explain the difference between a few words:
You're = a contraction for you are
Your = possessive
If you aren't sure which to use, might I suggest saying "you are" where the your/you're goes? If it doesn't work, use the possessive your.
It's = contraction for it is or it has
Its = possessive
Again, if you aren't sure, substitute it is or it has. If it doesn't work, then use the possessive its.
Their = possessive
They're = contraction for they are
There = this is for everything else
I don't know which of those three common errors I see annoy me most. Don't make them. I automatically judge you as an incompetent idiot. It isn't that difficult. Also, some words I see misspelt a LOT:
Definitely (It's definite, with an -ly on the end. I've seen people put defiantly, which is an entirely different word. It kills me when people spell this wrong, it really does.)
Y'all (Being a native Southerner, I feel compelled to correct people on this. Y'all is a contraction for "you all." Therefore, it is not "ya'll." The apostrophe goes between the Y and the A. Get it together, people.)
Perceive/Conceive (I before E except after C. Doesn't everyone know that?)
Embarrass[-ing/-ment/-ed] (Two r's and two s's. Please don't forget this. I will rip my eyeballs out of my skull.)
Noticeable (Yes, there is an e in there. Yes, it looks wrong. But yes, it is correct. Learn it.)
Grammar (I know it sounds like it should be spelled "grammer", but please, for the love of all that is holy, fight the urge. I'm begging you, use two A's.)
Well, that's out of the way.

3) Overuse of the Same Word
Unfortunately, I do this a lot. I overuse the words "a bit" for some reason, and others that I cannot think of at this moment. Oh, well. There's another awesome thing called a thesaurus. If you don't have a broad vocabulary, look up the word you're trying to use, and it gives you a whole list of amazing synonyms that you can use in place the aforementioned, generic, most likely crappy word. Contrary to popular belief, a thesaurus is not, in fact, a dinosaur. So get it together and learn how to use one.

4) Grammar in General
I'm talking to y'all lazy motherfúckers. I'll admit, I am extraordinarily lazy. Perhaps my OCD is the reason I force myself to use correct grammar. i dont tipe lyk di$ cuz i think it look$ like ttly kewl or $omething moddafukker$ (in fact, I'm having trouble not erasing all of that and correcting it). Every time I see someone typing like that, I die a little inside. Also, I want to punch that person in the jaw.
For those of you who do attempt to use proper grammar and try typing correctly, I have a few things to say as well. Mostly about quotation marks. Try to spot which of the following is incorrect:
"Let's go to the movies after school." John said.
"Let's go to the movies after school," John said.
If you picked the first one... You are wrong. Very, very, horribly wrong. Let's go again.
"I can't," Veronica looked out the window at the gray sky, "My father is in the hospital."
"I can't." Veronica looked out the window at the gray sky. "My father is in the hospital."
Once again, those who picked the first one, you are WRONG. The segment between the quotation marks is a full, complete sentence, and you are not directly saying that Veronica said the phrase. You are, however, implying it. Get it? I hope so. I sincerely hope so.
And also, those who spell things horribly wrong, if there's one of those red, squiggly lines under it, chances are, it's spelled wrong. At least attempt to figure out how to spell it. That's all I'm asking.

Okay, that's all I have for now. Have a glorious night.


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