Veronica Faust~ an original story
Veronica Faust is an average girl... or so she thinks. She is about to be killed when she uses her powers to save herself. She would've let it go, if she didn't run into another murderer. Saved by one like her, she is brought to his family to discover who she truly is.
Once discovered that she is an Elemental, her powers grow stronger. However, now a large group of Elementals are coming after her power over all elements. With the help of the Reynolds family, can she make it out alive?
"He was so sweet. After we watched the movie, he held my hand and walked me home. He even asked if he could kiss me. He was so soft, cute, funny..."
"And completely crazy," Veronica adds on. Sharon playfully slaps her best friend and she laughs.
"You've just never experienced love before," she says, with a dreamy look in her eyes. Veronica opens the cap of her tall Starbuck's cup and looks inside. She frowns when she barely finds a drop left.
"Love-shmove. Whatever, Share. I have to go."
"Go ahead. I know you don't want to listen to me ramble on." Veronica stands from her seat and swings her bag over her shoulder.
"That's part of it. I need to check on my mom, though."
Veronica's mother is an unstable alcoholic and is also emotionally depressed. Veronica's job is to make sure her mother stays alive and she's been doing a pretty good job at it-- even if her mother tried to kill herself seven times. According to her mother's hospital records, Veronica's mom has been that way since her husband abandoned her and his unknown child. She's blamed herself for his death and Veronica had to deal with this for her entire life. The only other person who knows about this is Sharon, her life-long best friend.
Sharon nods sympathetically and blows Veronica a kiss farewell. Veronica shoves open the door and walks out into the bitter, winter cold. She wraps her scarf tighter around her neck and flips open her cell phone with her glove covered hand. She dials her house number and waits for someone to pick up.
"Hello?" A voice cracks over the phone. Veronica smiles weakly in relief.
"Hey, mom. It's me. How was your day?"
"Day? What's today... Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Friday?"
"Mom, you skipped Thrusday," Veronica notices.
"Oh, that's okay. No one cares about Thursday's anyways. Where are you?"
"I am walking home right now," Veronica mentions and looks to her right. She notices a homeless guy on the ground. He is wearing clothing scraps and one sock with the first toe peeping out. "Mom, I'll see you soon." She shuts off her phone and searches her pockets for loose change. She comes up with about five dollars in cash and a cupon for a free smoothie.
Veronica hands the man what she has. He quickly grabs it from her, but in his other hand lies a knife. Instinctly, she raises her hands to cover her face.
She expects to feel pain. She expects to feel anything besides peace and silence. She removes her hands and opens her tightly shut eyes. The knife is an inch from her face and is frozen. Not only is the knife frozen, but the man and the snow that is surrounding the man is frozen solid. She backs away quickly and looks around. Everyone doesn't even seem to notice what has just happened. Are they blind or is Veronica just imagining it?
She's definitely imagining it. She looks at the man one more time, shakes her head in disbelief, and walks home.
"And completely crazy," Veronica adds on. Sharon playfully slaps her best friend and she laughs.
"You've just never experienced love before," she says, with a dreamy look in her eyes. Veronica opens the cap of her tall Starbuck's cup and looks inside. She frowns when she barely finds a drop left.
"Love-shmove. Whatever, Share. I have to go."
"Go ahead. I know you don't want to listen to me ramble on." Veronica stands from her seat and swings her bag over her shoulder.
"That's part of it. I need to check on my mom, though."
Veronica's mother is an unstable alcoholic and is also emotionally depressed. Veronica's job is to make sure her mother stays alive and she's been doing a pretty good job at it-- even if her mother tried to kill herself seven times. According to her mother's hospital records, Veronica's mom has been that way since her husband abandoned her and his unknown child. She's blamed herself for his death and Veronica had to deal with this for her entire life. The only other person who knows about this is Sharon, her life-long best friend.
Sharon nods sympathetically and blows Veronica a kiss farewell. Veronica shoves open the door and walks out into the bitter, winter cold. She wraps her scarf tighter around her neck and flips open her cell phone with her glove covered hand. She dials her house number and waits for someone to pick up.
"Hello?" A voice cracks over the phone. Veronica smiles weakly in relief.
"Hey, mom. It's me. How was your day?"
"Day? What's today... Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Friday?"
"Mom, you skipped Thrusday," Veronica notices.
"Oh, that's okay. No one cares about Thursday's anyways. Where are you?"
"I am walking home right now," Veronica mentions and looks to her right. She notices a homeless guy on the ground. He is wearing clothing scraps and one sock with the first toe peeping out. "Mom, I'll see you soon." She shuts off her phone and searches her pockets for loose change. She comes up with about five dollars in cash and a cupon for a free smoothie.
Veronica hands the man what she has. He quickly grabs it from her, but in his other hand lies a knife. Instinctly, she raises her hands to cover her face.
She expects to feel pain. She expects to feel anything besides peace and silence. She removes her hands and opens her tightly shut eyes. The knife is an inch from her face and is frozen. Not only is the knife frozen, but the man and the snow that is surrounding the man is frozen solid. She backs away quickly and looks around. Everyone doesn't even seem to notice what has just happened. Are they blind or is Veronica just imagining it?
She's definitely imagining it. She looks at the man one more time, shakes her head in disbelief, and walks home.
119 Comments
Oh, wow! Really good so far! It sounds interesting.
It won't be that interesting, really... I just thought that fantasy writing would be a new thing for me to try out. So, it's sort of like a... trial story? So, if you don't want to read it, I'll understand. But if you do, tell me what I can do to make it... good? :]
I definitely will! Your style of writing is amazing. My only suggestion is to not make her overly special or wanted, plus giving her some extra characters flaws. Whenever I make a fantasy story, my characters soon turn into Mary Sues because their gifts tend to idealize them. Also, I noticed "Love Triangle" in the tags. Be wary of how you use love triangles, because when used in a Twilight way, they quickly get maddening to readers (though some love it). But really, I will most certainly read!
I'll make sure that she has flaws. And I'll work on the "love triangle" thing. My main plan was to not emphasize much on it, but still add some sparks into it, if you know what I mean... Thanks for reading my stories, though!
That sounds absolutely spiffing, dear! And you're welcome, I adore them. You're a hidden jewel on Quibblo.
Very hidden... and cracked. :/
Cracked? Pfft! No way! And I suggest adding more people, you'll get more reads. Make sure you have people who comment!
I have people that comment... like five? I don't know many people who will comment, so I don't know who to add.
Simple solution! Go to my stories and see who commented. :D
That is actually very helpful... :)
Well, you're welcome! I truly hope you get more comments, because you deserve them.
This sounds quite brilliant! Great grammar, spelling, punctuation- almost everything!
I do agree with Bree (YourFavouriteStalker) on the "not-making-her-too-perfect" point, but I'm sure that as Veronica's personality develops further in the next few chapters, we will come to know more of her flaws/blemishes. :)
Please continue! :D
Wow, thanks... that is really nice of you! I'll continue soon, thanks!
No problem! Please do! :D
I think your style of writing is absolutely amazing! Such an amazing story so far!
AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!!!
Well, guess what? I think you are AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!!!! :) Thanks!
Great story :)
Thank you, love.
The only mistake I detected was that you wrote truely instead of truly, but other than that...absolutely spiffing chapter, dear. You did it again. *High fives!*
DARN IT!!!! Thanks for poitning it out, though... And thank you for your kind, but undeserving words...
and I spelled pointing wrong :( It is not a good day :/
Everyone makes mistakes! And you certainly do deserve them.
Fun story! I like Veronica :D
Thanks for reading!! I like Veronica toooooo!! :D
Wonderful new chapter! I have only one thing to criticize. After a question mark or exclamation mark, no capital letter follows if it's not a new sentence. :D Other than that...love it!
All right :) Thanks for the comment and the advice though!! Truth be told, I think you are the reason my writing has improved a bit! :D So, thanks!!
And I love the new profile pic :P
Haha, it's all you, I think! You're a naturally gifted writer. And thanks!
It's not all me, I SWEAR!!! I've never been that good at writing... Like when I was still in Middle School, which was like a few years ago or four... I WAS HORRIBLE!! I spelled everything wrong and my grammar was EVERYWHERE!! All the stories I wrote made no sense. It's gotten a bit better, but I think the main reason why is because the plots don't TOTALLY suck...
Trust me, I only started improving a year ago. XD And you're a good writer, trust me. Your stories pull people in.
I've got to learn not to argue with you. You are quite stubborn and tend not to give in... Thanks for your opinion even if it might be false and a bit biased because you are my friend...
Not biased! :P I am a very harsh person. If I think there is something to criticize that won't improve out of itself, I'll say it. I'm that mean. XD And yes, I most certainly am obstinate. Terribly pigheaded, in fact. It's a family trait.
All right!! I'm going to stop arguing with you. You have your opinion and I have mine. I really appreciate it, though, that you read every one of my stories. So... thanks, love :)
You're welcome, darling! Now I feel like a married couple...XD
Speak now or forever hold your peace XD PEACE!!
Peace. XD
Oh crap... that means I'm married at the age of 16 XD
Not to mention what I should tell my family, my friends, my boyfriend... Gosh he's going to be upset :D
:O I have some explaining to do...XD
Wow, this is amazing!
Great job, I love it! One of the best fantasies that I have ever read! Please continue :)
Ohmygosh, you are so sweet!!! Thanks for commenting on all of my stories so far!!!
This is great!!! Please write more!!!!
THANK YOU!!! I will soon :))
Awesome!!!!