Crossfire

The street was so quiet, my eardrums started buzzing. It was too dark to see anything but her bedroom window.
...She was still awake?
I had to see her. If only we had more time! My heart skipped a beat several times, racing faster and faster. It was like a skipping stone that could skid across an entire ocean without stopping, until I had to press one palm against my heart, to slow down the pain.
My brain involuntairly backed up to the moment that my father told me. Than was when I began shouting and shouting, until my lungs couldn't bear it any longer. The memory vanished as quickly as it appeared, but made me shudder. It was too late to be outside, searching for her. But he gave me no choice.

A hurricane of anger,
I slipped onto the sidewalk directly beneath the window. Had she seen me?
I crouched down low enough to smell every foot that ever passed this house.

Fortunately, I found what I was looking for. A rock. When I picked it up, the street lamp gave just enough light to tell it's size: small enough to leave a window unscathed, yet large enough to make a recognizable sound.

I threw it. "Jess!"

A shadow flickered past the bedroom light. She was ignoring me.

"Jessica! It's important!!," I hissed.

Her head popped out the window, and brown hair flopped into her face."Go away."

"You don't understand," I insisted with frustration, "I have to see you!"

She didn't have an answer, which surprised me. Finally, she formed the same conclusion. "Go away!"

I realized that she held all the cards as soon as she shut her window. Now how could I get in?

The window had a ledge, at least.

...And my brain hit a spark. Their garage was slanted, but not too steep, and the window was only a foot or two above there. I took a step backwards, so I could find a point to begin at... The doorknob?

I Pressed myself against the door like a rock climbing wall, raising one foot to the knob for leverage. Then what? I stood there on one foot, doing the balancing act of my life. My heart was so heavy, it made me rock to one side a little. The garage roof was just out of reach. As I stared into the sky, I saw a shooting star.
Please don't ignore me. Not now, at the most important moment, I thought desperately.
The light went off in Jess's room.
A breeze made me shiver so hard I almost lost my footing. Or was I just blaming it on the wind?

Then I found it: the mailbox. My other leg was stretched to its limit, finally landing on top of the tin box hung beside the door. With that, I could grip the garage shingles, and pull myself up. With the window close enough to press my face against it, I felt hope bubbling up in my stomach. I tried to quench the useless emotion, but it was no use.

I knocked on the window softly. "Helloo..."

I heard the bed sheets rustling. Jessica appeared at the window, shadowy and miserable-looking. I couldn't meet those eyes. I had enough pain of my own.
"Fine. What do you want?," she demanded, as soon as she was close enough to whisper. She looked much different without makeup. Less... fake.

Did I have enough courage to tell her? What if she ended everything right now, and broke my heart?
No. It wouldn't happen that way, I assured myself. She was just scared.
I wanted more than a quick good-bye at the window, but I had a feeling this was it.
She had nothing to be afraid of, concerning me in her room. I wanted to tell her that... But how awkward would that be?
It began to rain.
I could hear my heart thumping in my chest, and smell my own dwindling hope. Why?? My thoughts echoed, a noise only I could hear. /Why is everything against our love?

"My dad said I can never see you again!," I blurted.
Jess bit her lip, and one finger played with the lock. "Okay," she mumbled. "...But make it quick!"

The window was open, and then I climbed inside her room. The first thing I noticed was the smell of a burning peppermint candle. It almost made me smile, as I remembered when Jess and I baked peppermint cupcakes for a Christmas party a few weeks ago. It was too dim to see anything else, except her face.

She drew in close to me, like she had never been alone with me before.
"Sit," she commanded, landing on her pillow. I perched next to her, and put an arm over her shoulder. I could feel her unsteady breathing.

"Explain."

I had never heard her speak so sternly before. "Look at me," I whispered. When her head turned, we were close enough to feel each others breath. The moment was electric.

I opened my mouth, and spoke. "I don't know why. He simply told me..."

I couldn't continue. Jess had never seen me cry. She seemed to sense the lump building in my throat, however, and scooted closer. The bed creaked slightly.

My torso rotated, so that we were half-embracing each other. She didn't seem to care.

In fact, when her eyes met mine, they were dripping. The lump in my throat rose higher, until I choked. My eyes couldn't suppress the silent tear, which slipped down one cheek and onto her hand. She wiped the glistening trail of water off my face.

Then, her contorted face shifted back into a calm, grim state. She gripped my head with both hands, firmly. "Promise me you won't leave me."

This unexpected sentence made another tear drop into my lap. "O-of course I -- you know I.."

She bit her lip. "/Promise me./"

The intensity in her voice almost scared me out of my sorrow, and replaced it with a strange feeling of respect. "I swear it."

I'd never seen this side of Jess before. The calculating stare, the power resonating from each breath. Was this what she became when she was desperate?

Her hand slid between our pants, and I felt her searching fingers against the material. When she withdrew it, she was holding a pen-light.

Jessica switched it on, and pointed the light directly in my eyes. My lashes fluttered protectively.

"Don't tell a soul," she began.
It stirred something inside me that I never recognized was there. The feeling flooded my insides like liquid fire. The candle burning couldn't mask the smell of the moment: silent, solemn air. Reality as hard as ice. And yet... There was a hint of mystery. Revelation. Something like that. My her very presence was making my heart pulse against something new: inexplicable in such a way that I must try to describe it. Fresh, purposeful, strong. A certainty. About what? And a solid peace, which filled a hole that was drilled by my father, when he forbid me from entering Jess's presence.

I guess you could say it was hope.

I swallowed, noticing a metallic taste in my mouth. "I won't."

Jess could hear the change in my voice. It had transformed from terrified hatred, into a sense of freedom. I wasn't trembling anymore, although I wasn't calm, either. Simply more aware. It was still quiet, but the oppressive silence hanging over our heads had shattered. Jess knew what to do. I could feel it.

Then she directed the light away form my face, and I noticed the tears streaming down her face, like streams. Or rivers. Or floods.

It wouldn't be easy. What she was planning. Nothing is.

The penlight was trembling. A lump formed in my throat, again. "You don't have to-"

Jess's fingers clenched against the green plastic. "You don't know what you're saying. You have to see this."

And with that, she lifted her pillow off the bed.