Movie "Reviews" From A "Very Important Critic"
These aren't so much reviews as it is my opinions on different movies. Don't be hating, people can have different opinions. If yours differ from mine, that's perfectly fine. Feel free to post them in the comments--either nicely, so we can discuss them, or rudely, so I can argue with you.
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1. Hugh Jackman can sing!
2. Amanda Seyfried can sing!
3. It really is possible to have rivers of blood in the street.
4. Endings are SO much better when everyone dies!
5. If you're running low on cash, you can just go sell your body parts.
6. You can sing regular conversations without people looking at you like you're an idiot.
7. That Eddie What's-his-face kid that played Marvis or Mavis or whatever his name was...is REALLY cute. :)
Me: Hmm, seems legit.
Ten minutes later
Me: turns to friend Are there gonna be any speaking parts or what?
Thirty minutes later
Me: Apparently not.
Me: OH MY GOD why didn't this guy just leave the country before?!?! That would've solved a whole lot of problems!
Fifteen minues later
Me: God, how much longer could this movie BE? What other tragedies could happen to this poor guy!?
Friend: This whole thing has been asides. Nobody's had any conversations.
Me: laughs and turns to other friend This whole thing has been asides!
Marvis and his buddy come on
Me: O.O This movie just got a whole lot better
Friend: looks over at me
Me: looks over at friend and we have a moment while other friend scoffs
We realize Eponine loves Marvis
Me: sniff sniff T.T
Me: ToT WAHHHHH
That little boy dies
Me: ...... :O noooooooooooooooooooooo that little boy was my friend!!!!!! He was the best character in this damn movie!!! How could you do that?!?!
Me: Dammit, really?!?!?! That was unnecessary! T.T
//Inspector flings himself from bridge/
Me and my friend: laugh at him (Terrible, but it's true, we laughed)
Me: REALLY. REALLY. You've got to be joking. You can't just sit there and kill the main character!!!!!!!! What, are Cosette and Marvis gonna have a kid next, and then they both die, and then that kid is left an orphan? Then the kid'll have this huge, powerful song about how he feels so alone and dead inside, and then turn to prostitution, and then the whole thing'll happen over again.
Me: Huh. Not bad.
All in all, I can see how it got such good ratings. But if you go in there expecting something like Grease, you're going to be disappointed. There was like five minutes of speaking parts (when they said that it was a musical, they weren't joking around) and nearly everyone died. But I guess it was okay.
And part of the allure of this movie to a bunch of fifteen/sixteen year old girls is trying to figure out exactly how the name of it is pronounced.
Les Misrebles? Las Mesribles? Les Misrableees? Les Meesrebles? I will never know.