Shielding

so this poem is a bit of a different than what I typically write in terms of exact style (it's completely free verse) and what not. as usual though let me know your thoughts. I highly appreciate any feedback- criticism as well.

Chapter 1

poem

my skin for the most part is unbroken
despite the accidents that have left its marks
and I promise it still works just the same
hiding- protecting what it should so my bones don't just turn to dust after sparks
but beneath this skin that covers me like a blanket
there's secrets starting off thunder storms in my blood
so that every doubt can rain in my heart and my mind
until all of it's too much and I drown in its flood

these secrets though didn't start off that way
not all of them at least- because at one moment all it was was pain
that yes- I may have buried- in hopes that it could be kept as a grave
because I wasn't ready for all my bones to be crushed by this figurative train--
but instead what I did was accelerate this locomotive
and I fear that instead of dealing with how all of this started
(you know with my mommy and daddy screaming at each other
reminding me and my brother that it wasn't our fault they didn't adore each other anymore with a love that's wholehearted)
I pushed it away- in such a cowardly attempt that it's pathetic
because I didn't want to feel what was happening around me
as every spec of me I swore was crumbling then
so I masked it- pretending that my skin would keep me safe from anything that wasn't glee
since a blanket works that way
when you're hoping to keep the monsters from reaching for your ankles
because you can just wrap it around you with it's ungodly shielded strength
before you fight the darkness that's trying to trap you in tangles

but I guess my skin wasn't meant for that
because my parents' screams pierced through me anyways
to my skeleton where there echoes can still be found
making these nights so much longer than the days
but now it's manifested into something worse than no longer having your mommy and daddy in the same house
because now there's a deep rooted sense of emotion that hurts to muster
for the feelings and fears of not being enough in such an unlovable way
is something that's destroying me within- turning my bones to ash in an entire cluster

my skin was supposed to protect me for this
it was supposed to be this blanked that could act as a shield
and it was supposed to work, since to this day it remains pretty unbroken
so in theory I should be healed
but I'm not- as my pain turned to secrets that hit me like the train they are
and drowned me like the storm they were
and all of this just pierced straight through to my skeleton
causing all pain now just be a knotted blur

I promise you though that my skin still works the same
with hiding- protecting what it should. . . .

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