Throughout your life, you'll go through many different boys. Sometimes once you find the final boy your mind wanders back to all the boys that got you here.

Chapter 1

September 23rd

From the time you're little, you dream of who you might end up with for the rest of your life. Many of us tend to get a head start on boys whether that be our best guy friend in kindergarten or kissing the boy from summer camp behind the trees. I'm no different.

My name is Annette and I am a senior in high school. As a background, I go to a small school in a farming community. The classmates I have right now are virtually the same ones I've had since Kindergarten, give or take a few. I'm 16 years old and the youngest in my grade. I like to think that I'm more mature than a large number of students in my grade. Singing is my passion but I like to stay involved in many other ways too. Some people say I'm an overachiever, but really I slack off a lot.

I'm kind of into a guy right now. It's a little complicated but then again, when is it not complicated when it comes to boys. Basically, this boy has some geographical and age complications. He's 20 and lives around 70 miles away from me. Luckily this isn't a typical modern-day flirtationship where we met online. We actually met 3 years ago at a choral camp but never really showed an interest in each other. We were acquaintances but nothing more. A few weeks ago he messaged me on facebook. Y'know the typical whats up guy card. We've been texting as friends for a while and I truly have no idea if he's flirting with me or not. I tell all my friends it would never happen. He lives so far away and he's literally 4 years older. It's seriously not going to happen.

Sometimes, though, I feel like he's hinting at me but he's also really awkward. Like, I don't know if he thinks I'm stupid and I don't see the little subtle things or if I'm just imagining them. I'm truly clueless.

I've already basically been through this situation before where I didn't know if we were flirting or not.

In 6th grade, I was on the bus sitting alone and crying. My friends had completely ditched me and didn't even save a seat for me. They did this a lot- ganging up on me and leaving me out of things. I was crying in the corner, as quietly as I could because I figured I was probably already known as that girl who cries all the time. Behind me was an ex that I had dated a few months earlier but really both of us were way too awkward and shy to have a relationship with each other. I turned for just a moment to get a look at who was sitting beside him. I made really awkward eye contact with this guy named Alex. I turned back doing my best to forget about it when he said, "Wow, I thought you were supposed to be smiley all the time." My heart fluttered. Me? Smiley? For the rest of the ride, I sat there looking out the window, smiling.

After that day he would occasionally make conversation and smile at me in the hallway but I was just this quiet, short, chubby girl who cried when she thought no one was looking. Not a girl to have a crush on. I convinced myself that it was nothing more than him being friendly but my friends caught on to my crush on him. A week before school ended they asked him if he would date me and... he actually said yes.

So since this was 6th grade, a simpler time, we were from that moment, officially dating. But this is high school and he's an adult and it's not that easy anymore. It would never work out. Look at everything in my way. I'm just gonna hope that I gain a friend from this and continue hoeing around and talking to multiple guys at once. Maybe someone will actually stop using me and love and support me for who I am, not just what my body has to offer.

A girl can hope, right?


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