Yes, I'm going to be one of those people who rants about their problems publicly.
You do not have to read this. I will only write in this to vent. No opinions are needed, nor readers.
I will be using a song that seems fitting to describe the topic of the current chapter. Since songs usually describe what's going on in our lives.
Then Kurt came along. He was a huge jerk at first [I'll get to that later. Maybe in a different chapter] but we became best friends eventually. He now comes over whenever he can. I usually force him.
He started coming over on Halloween when we were maknig our costumes. It was fun.
But as he got closer, Ash got more distant. She started saying she was busy. Half of it, I assume, was excuses. She really doesn't like sharing me, because she hasn't had to before.
I will have to choose between them. If not now, then at some point in the near future. It won't be pretty.
Most likely, I will choose Kurt. Ashleigh really is not friend matterial for me. Nor am I for her. She is shallow and not very caring. Not that she doesn't have a good side, because she does. She only shows it when we're alone, though. We're never alone anymore.
On the contrary, I'm not shallow, never have been. I care for my friends. She, most likely, has cared for friends, but not anymore to me. I don't even know how we got to be friends, or if we are still. I suspect so, because when she's alone, she comes to me.
And that's another thing. She only talks to me when I talk first. Or when it's in her best interest. Like when no one else is near her. When she needs answers on something in a class. Never to hang out. She's given up on me, and I think I might give up on her soon, too.
I can't say a thing to her, because she gossips. She judges. Harshly. Show her a picture I drew of two people kissing, or holding hands... She makes a face and changes the subject, or laughs at it. I say anything out of line, or dress in any way more different that a tee-shirt and jeans, I get strange looks.
Kurt on the other hand, he can listen. Like, really listen. And give good advise, or try to get me to figure it out, without saying anything directly. Like asking a question. He doesn't judge me.
When I try talking to Ashleigh, she turns it back to a more shallow conversation.
It felt like no one could hear me.
She was my only connection to the outside world for a while. Growing up, she was my guide to what's accepted. Wearing mismatching clothes? Oh people don't like that. Cute hats? People don't like that. Being yourself? No, people don't like that.
I need to get away from this small town. Everyone judges you here. In a large city, you can be yourself and few people would care.
Back on topic. Kurt accepts me for who I am, not who he would have tried to change me into.
I just don't know what to do. If I have to make a choice between them, it's no contest. Kurt would win.
The thing is. No matter what I'll lose a friend. I choose Kurt, Ashleigh is mad at me forever. Choose Ashleigh, and I'm never allowed to hang out with Kurt again...