Imagine How Much Better Twilight Would Have Been If...

Oh god...
I was really hyper when I made this, sitting there with my Bestie laughing our @sses off...Anyways, please don't mind the failure of this.
READ IT.

No dragons were hurt in the making of this video. Story.

PS. I don't mean to make anyone unhappy! THIS IS COMPLETELY A HUMOROUS STORY! NOT A HATING ONE!

Chapter 1

My Twilight Story :)

Bella Swan was packing her suitcase on top of her Red truck which i can't remember the name of. I think it was Choppy? But that's not the point. Bella folded a piece of her unicorn and put him on the side.
Bella had a lot on her mind, as usual, being the paranoid kid she was, and the thing -or person, depending on how you look at it- that was on her mind the most was the one and only Edward Cullen.

The first time they had met went something like this, of course a little more awkward than in text...

'Hi, Im Edward Cullen. I sparkle in the sun, I want to eat you, I could kill you, and you love me which is bad because I can sparkle you to death. But no pressure.' Said Edward, flashing his teeth. He had green stuff on them, he must have accidentaly missed a human and eaten a tree or something. But that's not the point.
'Oh, hey! Im Isabella Swan, call me Bella.' Bella answered.
'Hey, Isabella Swan, call me Bella.' Replied Edward in the smooth way he did.

And from that day on, Bella had had an ambition to get eaten by Edward. Little did she know, her wish was about to come true...
SQUEEEEEEL!
Bella turned and almost in slow motion she saw a blue van skidding towards her. She couldn't move, she couldnt breathe and she couldnt see. Heh, maybe dieing wasnt as scary as it sounded. Drat.
'NOOOOOOOOO!' yelled Edward. 'Oh, Yum! Blood!'
Jasper Cullen, the weird slightly afro-dized Cullen in the family galloped up to Bella. 'Yuuuummm...' was all he said before the Cullens devoured Bella's blood.
There was nothing left of her...
Nothing. At all.
Unless you count her suitcase and Choppy car, which I don't.

***********************************************************************************************
'NO! What has thou done? Now we must flee!' ranted Carlisle Cullen, the leader or something of the family. Or clan. Or something, I really don't care.
'Oh my dearest father! What has us done? Why must us flee?' Questioned Edward.
'Thou has devoured a human in front of many eyes. The Voldemort (Or something, again, I don't care) will kill us!'
'NO! We must not die! Im too pretty. And lame.' said Rosalie Cullen, the snotty one.
And so after many polite conversations which included many things getting broken, the Cullens fled. Into the forest. Where no one could find them

Except the Voldemorts.

************************************************************************************************
The first battle the Cullens had ever took part in was not good. They died.
But they must have been pretty good even though they failed because the Voldemorts died as well.
'Oh my God! Now all the other Vampires can take over the world! No more Voldemorts!' screamed the other Vampires and thus marked the very special February 31st which everyone totally cares about. The vampires celebrated and marked Rebecca Black as their hero. Don't ask why.

The vampires had devoured, killed and eaten all the humans on earth. Except, the Hogwartians and the Potterphiles because, You know, we're awesome.
Everyone had died. No one was left, except the Werewolves because they didn't want to eat them. They smell.

************************************************************************************************
The war between the Werewolves and the vampires was a severe breakout. It wasnt planned, the vampires were like 'What?' the werewolves were like 'Must. Kill. They killed my imprinting thing!'
And so war commenced and the vampires died. So did the werewolves.

Lord Voldemort (the real one) couldn't take it anymore. War was happening and without him? How? Why? He was going to feed them poisonous muffins.
He looked down at the lifeless body of Edward Cullen and it flashbacked to the day he had been reborn...

'Such a pretty face.' Voldemort tutted, looking down at the lifeless body of Cedric Diggory.

IT WAS HIM. Edward Cullen was Cedric Diggory.
'THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU CEDRIC! I HATE YOU! WHY? I HATE YOU CEDRIC!!' Bellowed Lord Voldemort, screaming like he does in the movies. And for the first time in his life, Voldemort cried. No he didn't but trust me, he tried.

But then, Voldemort had to stop pretending because his arch enemy Harry Potter appeared. 'FIGHT BACK YOU COWARD! FIGHT BACK!' Yelled Harry. He was definately talking to Voldemort.
'YOU DARE USE MY OWN SPELLS AGAINST ME POTTER?' Another voice yelled. A man stepped out of the shadows. 'YES...I AM THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE!'
Severus Snape glared at Harry, hatred oozing out of him.
'BUT I AM THE KING OF POP!' Another voice bellowed. And before Severus Snape or Harry Potter could do anything, Michael Jackson stepped out of the shadows. He was the supreme, amazing dancing Thing! (I didn't know what to call him...)

Slowly the dead scattered bodies of the Cullens, The Voldemorts, the other Vampires and the Werewolves began to stir!
'No...No! They're dead! NOOOO!' Harry and Severus started panicking. The last time they had seen this they were surrounded and nearly killed by Inferi. They weren't going to try it again...

But then...

''CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER! THRILLER NIGHT!'
All the near dead people started dancing, they started doing the thriller dance.
The sun came out and the vampires started sparkling. It was weird. Nothing is weirder than sparkling dead people doing the thriller dance. Nothing.

And so, the dead people began to melt, and crumble. They died.

And so, Severus, Voldemort and Harry walked off into the sunset like little lovers in the movies.
Except not toghether. They were sort of like...oh, nevermind, that's not the point.

And that is how you waste around 10 minutes of a person :)
TEH END!

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