Listen to Your Heart (A Matt Lang Love Story.... Eventually)
Yeah, yeah I know. Danielle's writing another story! Shit! It's another StarKid story! Yes. Yes it is.
Well get reading then. Why are you still reading the info? This isn't even info. It's me rambling on about nothing.
Let me know what you think!
Dont forget to....
~Empty Chairs At Empty Tables~
"Brooke!" my mother calls. I groan and sit up in my bed. This is the exact reason why I was against moving back in with my parents. Well, among other reasons. "Come on sweetie get up! We have a surprise for you!"
What is this? Christmas?
I heave myself off of the bed and walk downstairs to where my mother and father are waiting for me in the living room. "Guess what we got you?" my dad asks, all smiles.
"What?" He holds some keys up and jangles them. "Why did you get me a car?"
"I don't know honey. So you can... get out. Do what other young people do. Have fun."
"We want you to be happy," my mom tells me.
"I am happy Mom."
She shakes her head. "You're not a very good liar Brooke. Look, it's been a year and.."
"A year?! Yeah, so what? What, am I supposed to magically stop loving him? Am I supposed to stop seeing the way he looked afterwards? I'm supposed to get a fvcking car and be happy because it's been a year?!"
My parents are unpetrubed by this outburst. "We're worried about you," my mom repeats.
I take the keys from my dad and walk outside. At least I can get away from them now that I have a car.
But I can't be allowed to do that. Oh no, not when I see what's parked in the driveway. My parents have always tried to buy me happiness because they can afford to and they dont really have much else to do with their time and money. But this is the best they've ever done.
I'm a car junkie. Yeah, I know it's weird but I love old cars. So when I see the bright red 1970 Chevy Chevelle sitting in the driveway I really have no choice but to go in and say thank you. "I'm going for a ride," I say. A small look of satisfaction appears on my mother's face. It's sad when you're a 21 year old girl and your mom practically cries tears of joy when you announce you're going out.
But then again most of my life is sad. Pathetic. Just a mere existence as I slowly waste away. But without Ryan what is there to do? What is there to love and appreciate?
There is no sun without Ryan's smile.
I appreciate the all white leather interior as I pull out of the driveway. My parents really outdid themselves this time. I turn the radio on but just listen. There's no humming or singing. I haven't sung since the plane accident. I lost more than the love of my life that day, I lost the urge to sing. The joy that it brought me.
I drive aimlessly around for a while, staring at all of the large houses in distaste. I really hate this place. Maybe I should drive out of town.
I pass the city limit and feel instantly freed. There's nothing around me for miles. No one to worry about me or give me pitying looks. No one to whisper about the once great Brooke Farrow. "She had a part on Broadeay once you know. But then her boyfriend died and... well I suppose it's understandable. It really is a shame though..."
I could stay this way forever, just driving along wherever the road takes me. I shrug to myself. Why not?
"Where are you?" my mom asks me for the tenth time.
"Freeport Illinois," I tell her with a sigh.
"Really? Freeport? Is it nice?" She sounds like she's about to burst with enthusiasm.
I switch the phone to my other ear and glance around my ratty motel room I rented for the night. "I guess."
"But honey where are you going?"
"I'll know when I see it."
"When you see it? What will I look like exactly?" Ah, there's the worried mom I know.
I consider this. "Like home."
"Like our house?"
Clueless, like always. "No Mom. I mean, like a place where I belong. A place where... where I can figure out who I am."
"Oh Brooke," my mom's voice cracks. "I love you."
"I love you too." I hang the phone up and am surprised to find a few tears running down my face.
The next day I eat the free breakfast before getting back in my car. I need to go shopping soon, I've been wearing the same clothes for two days. I guess I didn't really think through this whole 'being liberated' thing.
I stop at the next town I come to. There's a small boutique with skirts and blouses hanging in the window. Not really clothes I'd normally wear but I can just get a few outfits and go shopping somewhere else later.
A half hour later, I climb back into my car wearing a skirt and cami. I've also managed to find some makeup, a brush and a few other necessities. This is all so unlike me, it's crazy. What am I doing?
I keep driving and after about two hours I see a city skyline. Chicago right? I think about driving around but then remember how I told myself I'd go wherever the road takes me. And this road seems hell-bent on going to Chicago.
My car rumbles down the city streets and I find myself glancing around in awe. There's something nice and welcoming about this place. Well, it's as good a spot as any to stop and stretch my legs at least.
I pull into the parking lot of a large park and stick my earphones in. It's funny, ever since the accident I've grown to depend in music even more. I listen to it all the time but I haven't sung once. Just another strange thing about my life. I turn my iPod up and start walking through the park. I spot an inviting bench and sit down on it as the song changes. The voice fills my ears as I lean my head back and close my eyes.
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone.
Here they talked of revolution.
Here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came.
From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On the lonely barricade at dawn.
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on
I pause the song, tears filling my eyes. Of all the songs on my iPod why did it have to be one like that? It's as though the universe is determined not to leave me in peace.
My body shakes with great, heaving sobs as I think about Ryan. Brooke Farrow, I love you. Thats part of the pact too. You remember that. I love you with all my heart. Forever.
Forever. I hold on to that word. He promised. He made a pact that he'd always love me.
But can you love when you're six feet under?
My tears increase with this thought. A young woman ushers her child quickly past me. Someone too absorbed in their own life to worry about what might be paining the poor girl on the bench.
"Hey, are you okay?" I hear someone ask.
I let out a small hiccup and look up to see a man standing over me. He has a bit of a beard growing and is wearing a gray beenie. Normally I'd be scared, but the look of concern leaves no room for doubt. He's a nice guy.
"Do you think she's okay Joey? Honestly," a short woman who must be his friend says, rolling her eyes. She sits next to me. "Can we give you a ride home or something?"
I sniffle. "I don't really have a home," I find myself telling her. "Not anywhere near here anyways."
She nods, as if this is perfectly normal. "Do you wanna talk about it? I mean, I know I'm a complete stranger. But I promise, I'm a nice complete stranger. And Joey well.... he's a strange stranger."
Joey laughs. "Rawr."
I shake my head. "No I'm... I'm alright."
They don't pry or leave. The guy, Joey, shrugs. "Well come back with us for a while. We'll help you. You have a car?" I nod. "Good. So Lauren, you go with.."
"Right. You go with Brooke in her car and I'll see you there."
Lauren nods and jumps off of the bench. "Come on Brooke, we're gonna turn your life around."