Funny Quotes

Chapter 1

Ha ha

1. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door

2. I wondered by the frisbee kept getting bigger, then it hit me

3. That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast

4. When in doubt, push random buttons

5. Fighting is another matter. I don't mind and you don't matter

6. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...Of course it's usually an on coming express train

7. They say guns don't kill people; people kill people. But I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, "Bang!" I don't think you'd kill many people...

8. Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you just kept on talking

9. I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid

10. They say hard work hurts anybody. So, why take the chance?

11. Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies

12. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it that every time I tell the truth, I end up getting sent to my room?

13. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused

14. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver, but staples are cheaper

15. Fyling is simple; you just throw yourself at the ground and miss

16. The trouble with life is there's no backround music

17. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

18. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

19. An optimist is someone who jumps off the Empire State building and after fifty floors says, "So far so good!"

20. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

21. My house was clean last week... Sorry you missed it.

22. Chaos, panic, pandemonium?! My work here is done

23. To be alone is to be different; to be different is to be alone

24. People who think they know everything annoy those of us who do

25. Do not disturb; I'm already disturbed

26. I don't get even, I get odder

27. Curiosity killed the cat, but satifaction brought it back

28. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed

29. When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's phycotic

30. Last night I was looking uup at the stars when I suddenly wondered, "Dude, where the hell's my ceiling?"

31. Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs

32. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

33. They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever

34. In a great romance, each person basically plays a part that the other really likes



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